of my rope
of my patience
of my energy

everything is blowing up in my face.... it has been over 2 yrs now and I'm not a step further down the road, I think I've fallen into the Grand Canyon and taken my kids plummeting with me.

I'm at a loss and I can't take another night like this one or the last one. I can't take another day. I want to go to bed but my mind is racing tonight.

What do you do? Where do you go? How do you climb out of it? I'm scared.

Sue - I'm sending you a pm. Hang in there!

Sue we are here. What is happening? WHat can we do to help?

Sue,
we are here to help any way we can.... :grouphug:

I honestly wouldn't even know where to start.... here's teh short of it

My job is falling apart and I'm working my butt off.

The girls are falling apart, tonight was like last but with the other two in their own ways, Maia was a doll. Olivia told me in this evil hate you monotone type voice, "You are just like Daddy. I didn't know it before but you are just like him."

My realtor is screwing me.... I want out of the contract, I'm so stupid I can't find the papers I signed... nobody else but the realtor has a copy and one was from my lawyer but I don't think I ever faxed back the signed one.... I know all about the importance of it but I can barely remember my name, seriously my memory is shot there is just too much to put in and not enough space in there.... I remember what is necessary for the coming 5-10 minutes and that is usually a LOT.

I don't even know. I can't afford to stay, I can't afford to leave for issues outside of money. I can't afford to buy ex out. He can't take them more than one night until he's moved out of Mom's.....

I talked last night to the girls, no t.v. we'd eat and have a bath and I was going to read all the library books they took out. Let's just say it didn't work out. I try so hard to make special time with them but it seems impossible.

so many other things, it isn't worth listing.... all the way down to toilets that don't stop running wtihout jiggling to ballet/skating issues/anger/guilt

I cannot possible manage all that there is to be managed... I can't even do a bad job managing it nevermind an almost acceptable one.

My girls deserve so much more than this... it is killing me inside and outside too I think.

huggs Sue hang in there
many of us have hit similar horrible overload points. I know in the past I have hit a few and they were just horrible. I felt so many negatives it was really crummy.

Cheat. Beg. Call in emergency favors... what ever it takes.

If you have a girlfriend beg a couple hours of baby sitting.
Or ask a neighbor to watch the girls for a couple hours.

declare no extras for a few days.
If regaining your grip calls for a few days of not being Supermom, well then so be it.

the girls miss out on a few activities for a few days. The break from the demands to be everything may give you just enough breathing space to clear a few of the other issues, and then you can function a bit better.

I have no perfect answer. But I have found myself canceling a few things, and accepting I can't do it all has worked. I hate not meeting what I thought I could juggle or handle, but I hate the stressed out overload far more.

bottom line ... I send you a huge cyber hug and this message to know you are not alone.
I have been there and I am positive many others here have been too.

When I was at this point, not too long ago, I admitted to myself that I am not super mom. I stopped extra activities (sports) and decided to not worry about everyone's expectations of me. I guess I kind of went into 'survival mode' - cut myself off from many extra's and took time to get better.

I'll be back in a bit Sue. Hang in there - everything will work out.

I actually decided earlier this evening that I would rsvp a NO to the Friday and the Saturday bday parties they were invited too.

Maia does skating through the daycare. She has taken ballet as has Olivia over the past years. She wanted Cheerdancing this year, well it is at 4:30 fridays and I took Friday's off so I could have a day with them as they weren't handling the daycare transition after 8 months. So I wouldn't let her do it. Told her if she and O picked the same ballet/jazz/hiphop/whatever class then I'd be ok with Saturday morning... they couldn't do itLOL So we don't do any dancing. They loved it but what can I do. I'm happy in one way it doens't interrupt every weekend but then I think there's one more thing that has been taken away from them and I'm not sure they can totally understand it. Friday at 4:30 with kids that have spent the week exhausted and going to regular school and daycare, NO WAY!

Sue I send hugs and prayers to you.The extra activities are great but dont feel guilty if you have to let them go.You are a great woman and mom.but you need to get some down time to.I wish I lived closer i would babysit for you for a couple nights so you could just be Sue.I really dont have any words of wisdom here for you just know that I am thinking about you and sending prayers and hugs.Take care of yourself Gail

Sue,
I wish I could help. I know it is so hard when everything seems to be falling apart. Your kids have the best because they have you. Last night when I read this and noticed even when you had a crisis of your own you will still posting to others trying to help...I thought to myself...what an amazing woman. Hang in there and I hope you are having a better day today.

SUEP,

Hang in there things to get better. My son has said so many hatful things to me but has taken them back after time and relaized that mom does love him no matter what. He's my best friend how could I not. I know my son will turn on me if he has a bad day knowing full well that I will take and still love him. I'm safe ground. Maybe your girls are doing the same thing. They can say what they want and still know that you will love them no matter what.

As for working your butt off. It's hard to work so hard for something and then you don't get the reward afterwards. Keep wading thru that reward will come thru.

I'm here for you and everyone else is too.

SMILE..even thou it may seem hard right now just try. I've also learned that today was good so take that and if tommorrow is bad accept it.

Hope things work out for you.
SPIRIT

Hi Sue,
I'm brand new to this, but I can so relate to your out of rope feeling. I have been there several times the past few years. for me, i've noticed that the "end of rope" feelings are often followed by an unexpected delivery of "fresh rope", which became apparent in retrospect. I think I'm "earning" my cosmic right to a new life (not to sound wacky or anything! ) I was in an abusive marriage for fifteen years, and i'm starting over, and it's a FIGHT at times, a fight against the "powers" that would say "you can't, you won't, you don't". At least that's how it feels to me. I have had to dig so deep and get so tough and it's making me such a better person. I have four kids, a set of twins, one with autism and one "normal" and its work all the time whether we feel like it or not, right? In terms of things that are sometimes said, I remebered one night when my ex had recently moved out and i was tucking in my youngest, and this dear little seven year old boy looked right into my eyes and said, "I love you Mom, but I love Dad a lot more.", in that sweet unaware way kids can sometimes deliver zingers. After I left the room i bust out crying, ("How could he love someone who had not been there for him? who had hurt me? left us?" etc. etc.) Of course, it wasn't a whole true expression - i mean the kid missed his dad! he was SEVEN for peets sake! But, words can hurt, especially when we're working so hard for what sometimes feels like no "reward". Maybe it's time to slow WAYYYYY down, when we get overwhelmed. Shut the door for a few days and pretend everyone has the flu. (We've done that a few times - it helps!) Anyway, just wanted to contribute and say hello everyone.

Spirit, Can I be non-safeground for a day?LOL

I'm proud to say I left the house TRASHED today. In fact, the bowl of lucky charms is STILL sitting full in the sink. Disgusting, YES.... Freeing, YES So it smells... NOBODY will be allowed in here today OR tomorrow anyway so who cares. Heck maybe I'll see how just how big those marshmallows can grow

We are NOT doing the bday parties either. I don't think for now they even remember so hopefully that will just go by the wayside, but I'm doubting it. I've told them, we need to take a break!

They are constantly nagging for "playdates" of course with kids they see in daycare everyday. Last night after a lot of chaos Delia asked if her friend could come over this weekend. I told them no. Until we can learn how to enjoy just being at home as a family and enjoy eachother we would not be adding friends to the house. (I used better words than that, but you get the drift). Anyway, I was happily surprised they kind of looked at me like, "ok." Who knows. What I do know is there is WAY too much going on here... things that take time and things you can't see, etc. I'm sure their little bodies and minds feel it just as much as I do.

Thank you all, I can't tell you how much just being able to talk things out and know there are people that understand means. It really does make a world of difference, especially when you feel like you are totally alone and responsible for everything you come in contact with. Love you!

Sue, I am so glad to see you are doing better today. I wasn't even sure how to reply to this yesterday but was thinking about you.
Hang in there and do what you need to do for YOU

Sue

So glad you are scaling back on the extras. Hang in there.
We are all cheering you on!

Hugs!

Of course, one day not cleaning and there's no way I can let this house be shown tomorrow either... I'll probably end up spening my alone time this weekend cleaning and doing yardwork... woo hooLOL (The dishwasher is running with the icky dishes in it )

So, I hope we found that the END, was not the end, but another begining. I sure need one. peace

Sue, I'm glad that you are finding the solution little by little. I discovered that keeping the house perfectly clean was putting way too much pressure on me and with the kids, sooooo I let the house go. Yes, dirty dishes with things growing in them are disgusting, but your sanity and peace of mind come first. Good for you! Chin up girlfriend, you'll get through it. Go at YOUR own pace and no-one else's and don't feel a bit guilty about it either.