I have been a single parent for 23 years. It was hard each and every year. Now she is 23 years old and still living at home, goes from job to job and I feel like she has me in the single parent grip when it should be about over. I know people have told me, "you will always be a mother", but of course these people have never been a single mother and have no idea what it is like. I am so tired. I have truly let go of her, but I need her to let go of me. I am ready to go live my life now and have fun of my own, but she is wearing me out so much that I have nothing to give to a real life of my own. I am exhausted and extremely disappointed. I thought by now I could be free. I love my daughter, but single parenting is lonely and pulls everything out of you even that that you don't even possess. I am tired of giving.

I know lots of you have more than one child and I commend you, but she wasn't an easy child to raise. She was very strong willed and confronted me at every turn. She simply would not be parented. I also had serious health issues I dealt with while raising her, working, running a household and had to monitor my health and put up with the pain all while dealing with a very difficult child.

I sacrificed alot of my own life while raising her. Lots of us have. I didn't even date. Honestly, I didn't have the strength to let another man near me after what my ex did to me. I was just too afraid. I know there are men out there who love to take advantage of a woman alone with a child. It happens all the time and I wasn't gonna be one of them.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I know I should just kick her out, but I don't know how to do that. Some people have told me to just get tough with her. I don't know how to do that. I don't know if it's because I am a woman and we tend to be nurturers. I know many many times through the years I wished her father was here to help me discipline her and guide her, and now is one of those times. I have searched and search online and in books for support for parenting, and even better, single parenting the young adult child. She has always been verbally aggressive to me and it hurts so much to have the person you love more than anyone tear your heart out and stomp it. Like everything I did for her all these years, all the loving sacrifice was for nothing. I feel like I wasted my love for 23 years. People say that she will appreciate me when she gets older, but what do I do now? It hurts so much. She has hurt me so bad. Now she lives with me and I feel I will never be free.

I hope none of you think I'm just a whiner. One child must be easy. One child can be like 3.

OK, she's 23. She job-hops. She lives at home with you.

It does sound like she's taking terrible advantage of you, and you're so worn out and heartbroken by her you don't really have the fortitude to stop her. Is that about right?

I'm afraid you are going to have to face the fact that your daughter is going to continue to take, take, take from you. She's not going to all of a sudden wake up, grow up and start treating you with the respect and gratitude you've earned. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to be and the more emotionally exhausted you will be.

It would be nice if you had another parent or adult to back you up, but if you don't, you're going to have to manage this on your own. Because I absolutely agree -- you've earned the right to live your own life. You raised her to the best of your abilities and any mistakes or problems she has now are HER responsibility. That doesn't mean you don't love her and wouldn't be there for her if she really needed you, but she's gotta get out of the nest!

What if you did something like give her a deadline. For example: On Sept. 1, you need to have your own place. On that day, I will be changing the locks and I will put your belongings into storage. You can get them when you find an apartment. I love you, but I'm not doing you any favors this way and you need to get on with your life.

It is very harsh, I know, and I've never been in your position. But you're right -- neither your daughter nor anyone else who hasn't been through it knows what it's like to be a single parent, and you are entitled to some happiness.

I'm behind you 100 percent!

Tough love is definately needed in this situation. Do you have any house rules for her to follow and do you follow through??? I, for one, would be setting some ground rules such as: "you are more than welcome to live under my roof as long as you a) have a steady full time job or b) going to college full time" if she doesn't do either, then tell her she needs to leave. ALSO, if she decides on just the full time job, I would charge her rent. She needs to learn responsibilities. I'm not talking about a huge amount of rent but something like $200 or something and then telling her she needs to pay for her own groceries.

I'm sorry but when you said "she didn't want to be parented" or however you put it, told me that she more than likely walked all over you. It is not too late to stop this! Children should not walk over their parents and it is up to us to set boundaries.

Oh the stories I could tell relative to this post. I'll try to keep it brief though and only touch on a couple
My brother stayed living at home til around that age. Mom didn't mind and was enabling him, dad couldn't stand it and it seriously caused a lot of friction between the folks. He did end up moving out though of his own accord and things settled back down for my folks.
I have a friend that recently was having issues with their son, very similar....he wasn't working much or consistent, no future plans...nothing. When asked what his plans were his response was "I'd like to take more guitar lessons" I talked with my friend and his wife and told them the "tough love" stuff also. Advised that they set a dead line, maybe 2 months, for him to get a regular job/enroll in school for a career etc. and either start contributing to the house or move out whichever they preferred. This was less than 6 months ago and he's now working steady, attending school towards a career, still living there but contributing to the house.
Whatever you decide to do, yes she might get bent out of shape/mad or whatever but it's true....in time she will see that you are doing it for her as much or more than you are doing it for you. She will at some point appreciate your efforts.

Wow ok...23 year old daughter that you still have to fully support?! I know I am totally spoiled as my son and I are living with my parents but has she ever been on her own? I know I'm itching to move out once I can afford to again. This is not to say that I don't appreciate what they are doing for me and I certainly pull my weight around here financially and with the chores.

So here's the thing if she has never lived on her own before, maybe rather than kicking her out on her own completely you should try enforcing on her the realities of her growing up and needing to take responsibilities. Like making her pay you rent, some of the utilities and buying food etc... She's an only child who I am sure you have given her everything you possibly could. And as an only child she is going to keep on testing and pushing you to the limit...even at 23 (take it from me as I'm an only child too). Just show her that you're not there to do EVERYTHING for her anymore. Worse comes to worse you might have to go to the extreme and just change the locks on her. LOL. You definitely shouldn't be putting your life on hold for her as she is already an adult. You certainly deserve your parental freedom =)

Thanks to all of you for your advice. She has a job now and I told her I wanted her to be moved out by Jan 1 09. I told her to help me get my finances back on track and to pay me back for the money I spent on her these last 6 months. She has agreed. I am prepared to give her 24 hours notice to leave if she goes back on this agreement or if she gets verbally abusive with me. The only reason I'm letting her stay this long is only for the sake of my finances. It's not only the money, but the principle of not letting her get by with what shes done to me. I'm not letting her live here for her sake it's for mine. It is sad how a person can hurt you so bad that you can't feel love for them anymore. I feel like it's hard to find that love for her. I feel so numb.

Thanks so much for listening. I really need some face to face friendships. It has been hard to make friends when she has taken my heart out of me. I have nothing else to give.

Oh by the way, I told her to be moved out by Jan 1 and my birthday is Jan 3. What a great birthday present to me. My freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!

It might be a good idea for her to start a hope chest. If you want, you can start it off for her and buy some essentials: can opener, colander, cooking utensils, whatever. Then she can start contributing herself. Make it a positive experience so she doesn't feel like you're wanting to get rid of her. Go shopping together .. but have her pay. I remember my oldest sister doing this. She really enjoyed buying things for her apartment - 2 years before she actually moved out. It'll save her the money crunch in having to buy things all at once. It'll also mentally prepare her for the inevitable.

Hopefully when she's out on her own, she'll appreciate everything you've done for her. Real life is hard and a definite eye-opener. Good luck.

Wow your daughter sounds like me 5 years ago!!! I still have yet to this day to have ever lived on my own-always with a boyfriend if not with my parents-!!! Sad, I know!!! I am extremely dependant I admit it! You can definetly help her by making her move out! Why is she so mean to you? I hope I wasn't that way but you know how we spoiled people are, nothing is ever enough!!!