Sometimes I dont feel normal? but then I ask myself what is actually normal. I feel like I have no control over my life. Im a single parent of an only child (11yrs old). I moved over 2000 miles from my home state. that was a good move. Im doing better where i am now. No more welfare, now i have 2 jobs!! one of which i hate, I have no friends, not really close to any of my immediate family. I have a boyfriend but its a friend (with benefits) that i had before moving where i am now. He is still in CA and in prison. He swears he is coming here when he gets out next year and we can start our relationship. Im overweight and a smoker and want to change both. I dont have the "energy" to go either one. I say, tomorrow Im going to start a diet. tomorrow never comes. Tried to quit smoking only to smoke more and more. I can never look at whats good in my life like me moving outta state, getting off welfare, and having a job, a newer car and my own place to live. thats a start, but now what?? being lonely for the rest of my life?????

I just feel like my life is going nowhere. I want soooo much more. I want to be financially secure, I want more friends, I want my son to grow up in a good envirnment, I want to get married, maybe have another baby, I want to own a nice home, i want to have a bank account set up for my son so he has something to look forward to, I want I want I want.

I want to be happy??? How does one actually know what happieness is?. I told myself I would be happier if i left california and moved here. At first I was. But look at me now. Im not happy. I stress about paying bills even though i work 2 jobs and still have no money, I stress about my son being lonely and bored being an only child, i stress that im going to never get married (im now 30yrs old), i stress about the littlest stuff.

Anyone have any suggestions????

LOL don't stress.....
just kidding.... I kind of know what you are talking about... and I did eventually quit smoking... it has to be something you want to do really deep down inside. Start with smaller changes... eating whole wheat items instead of white flour ones... slowly replace all the food in your house with healthy stuff... when you go on a shopping trip just don't pick up the junk...if it's not in your home you can't consume it as easily. keep healthy snacks at the ready... cut up carrot sticks for your sons' lunch and a bunch extra to put in some water in the fridge for you.... part of junk food's alure is often it is so ready to eat... next just look around... list all the good things about your life. It does work... for me it did anyways... I have my occasional times when i just need to vent.. and then you guys are always here... but generally i'm very happy and positive person. I could go off on ok there is 4 kids and me packed into a tiny 3 bedroom place.. we've been on housings list for a house for a long time (2 x as big) and they won't even call us... My health is crappy (toasted back, now really bad knees and cancer), the kids don't have a good male role model... the only men i see to find are not romantic or all they want is to get into my pants...skirt... whatever, lol. Oh yeah i could go on and on... I can't work because of health so i'm stuck on an income of 1,050 a month canadian w four kids... and 1/3 of that is rent. One of my children is autistic how am i going to deal with that and allhis allergies.... but instead I look around and think.. I have my home... many in katrina lost their homes and some parts of their families as well... yes i am oveweight a bit.. but i can overcome that.. at least enough to make me feel a little better. Yes I am ill... for the moment... but this too shall pass...it will get better. I do have food... My kids are fairly healthy and they are generally good kids too. Yes they don't have a good male role model.. but at least the old bad one is gone (abuser), lol. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.....

Shorty I know how you feel at times. It seems that everything bad happening in the world seems to happen to you. You seem to be stuck in a rut that keeps getting deeper not filing in. I want SO MUCH more for my son and out life. It seems like there is nothing good in my life at all. But like cheryl stated atleast we have healthy kids and we have a home a car ect.

I know it's hard to place any hope on these things that are good but it's possible. I'm going thru some really tuff time right now but I'm trying really hard to get above that. I'm sure I'll be ranting quite soon here b/c it's getting to me.

You know the one good thing that did happen and it may sound stragne but it was good. Like you I always wanted another child and I am pregnate and due in Dec. The dad is not there and I'm a single mommy again but I'm looking forward to having this child. It's a good thing b/c everything happens for a reason right!

I hope you feel better

SPIRIT

:huggies: :huggies: :huggies:

Have you considered that life is like a book??? Are you going to try to read the ending first? You will get there, been through some crap myself. Try focusing on your child, YOUR family unit, it works for me. When I should be bald from pulling my hair, that is the tie that binds my life. peace

I am sorry you are feeling down and I have felt that way plenty of times. I was with my ex for 15 years and yea it was normal to me but not what I wanted. Although I have bad days and I am nowhere near where I want to be in my life YET I love the normality I have fought for. Being able to wake up and the sun is always shining even when it is raining because I am free and being able to smile at my children because I am actually happy and not just smiling because I am trying to hide the fact that I am miserable because someone is behind me yelling at me. You have to give yourself credit for what you have already done because you had to start somewhere. The things you have already accomplished are huge. It sounds corny but everything is a stepping stone and although it may take you a little while to figure out how to get the next one all you need to do is look behind you to see how far you have already gone. You will get to where you want to be because the first step in doing it is knowing where you want to go. Hang in there and please remember you have done such a wonderful job already.

None of us single parents are normal, but we work hard each day to make life better for ourselves and our children. The number one thing you need to remember is not to settle. A friend with benefits in jail, is not what your should settle for. If you hate one job, look for another. Don't settle in life. I settled for 10 years. I will not settle another day in my life. By the way NLM, Paul, and Shorty, welcome!!! You will get alot of straight foward advice, friendship, and love from everyone here. :welcome: :balloons: :lovesfv:

Thanks everyone! Sometimes we all get down but at times I feel like I get down and cant get back up. I know I have made good changes for myself and my son but still feeling down. Why cant I appreciate what I have done?? I feel like im still going nowhere. I have 2 jobs, still no savings in the bank. I live from paycheck to paycheck. Bills still get piled up. I pay just enough to keep them turned on. I dont know what I can actually do to make myself not feel so down all the time even after making the changes ive made. I went from living in CA on welfare staying with friends and no car to another state--my own house (rented) a 2004 car (dads a car dealer, got a good deal) 2 jobs. I kinda feel sorry for myself and dont know why. I want to be "happy". How does one find happiness when they have already changed a lot and what exactly is happieness????