So I have the majority of custody with my daughter. Probably 80-20 and I have found lately when she spends the little time she does with her mother...later on when we do bedtime or bath, she keeps telling me she wants her "mama". She talks about her quite a lot. Im not sure how to react. I reassure her her mom loves her and that she is working most of the time she asks about her. I tell her it is daddys time now but sometimes I feel a little disappointed she is focused on her mom when we are together. I know im over-reacting and that she doesnt know any better so i suppose im just venting but it also brings up the reality of a broken home when she brings it up and sometimes I find myself saying the same thing "i want her back too".

First I don't think I've said welcome aboard...

My situation is a little different but I go through this with my daughter too. I've had her full time for a year now and she hasn't seen Mom at all in that time. The first few months it was worse but she's grown now and not so often. I can tell when something triggers it though as she gets moody. What I've always done is first I turn up the love and attention for reassurance and distraction. Telling her that Mommy loves her is good and talking about mom to a point is o.k too but then I always redirect her focus. Find something special to do with her during those times. Something she really likes to do with you. The other thing I do for her is to suggest and help her call mom if she wants too. Hannah has been experiencing this the last couple days in fact because she hasn't talked to Mom for two weeks now. Tonight I'll help her call and she'll get over it. We also made an area on the wall of her room that has family pictures and of course Moms is there for her to see....

I guess some of this depends on how old your daughter is too and how long you've been apart from the mom. Time is a big factor until kids get settled into routines. It is tough and not a fun thing to watch for little ones to be confused and in pain but she will adjust.

Just give her lots of love and attention.

And if it makes you feel better....
I'm sure she probably does the same thing in regard to you when she's with Mom...
Hannah did that when we had joint custody so it's not just about Mom.

Yep, don't take it as that she doesn't want to be with you. It's just her processing that she doesn't have mom and dad at the same time anymore. With that said....personally I wouldn't add "I want her back too" during this time. It's just my opinion that it could prolong/confuse the adjustment she is going through.

Thanks Don...I missed that...
"I find myself saying the same thing "i want her back too".

I don't know if you stated that because she just makes you feel that or if you actually say that to your daughter but I wouldn't say that in front of her or even express any feelings like that to her. Looks like both of you still need time to adjust. It does get better and those times get easier. Myself I never had to deal with those feelings because i never wanted the wench back...

"Never wanted the wench back"...I like that. Sorry ladies if thats offensive. I actually dont verbalize that i want her back I just think it. It unfortunately prolongs the attachment for me the more my daughter mentions it, something i will have to get over. Thanks

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Never wanted the wench back"...I like that. Sorry ladies if thats offensive

No need to appoligize my friend....
I'm the one who said it and the ladies here would be taking my temperature if I became politically correct...

I'm glad to hear that you don't actually say that to her....I know it can be tough.
Give her lots of love and she'll give it back...
For me I love being a single parent and wouldn't have it any other way really...

My two older boys tell me all the time how much they miss their Dad and I tell them it's ok to miss him and they can call him whenever they want. My youngest on the other hand is a definite "mommas boy" he screams and cries when he has to leave with Dad and makes it as miserable as possible for everyone involved. It doesn't mean he loves his Dad any less, he's just at that stage right now. I think it's best to reassure her that mommy loves her and misses her to and then move on from there. Like the others have said distract her. I always take the boys to Chuck-e-Cheese the day they come home from Dad's to make the transition a little easier on them. Good luck!

Hey all,
Vibes my daughter went through the same emotions while I was still married..From newborn to 4 mommas/grandma's girl, 4-11 she was a total tomboy Daddy's girl,worked on cars,baited her own hook, blah blah,Not really into girl stuff.When we split up we all struggled and shes now 14..into boys,wears makeup loves to shop,and would rather hang w/ her friends over either parent.She seems to be the one who has adjusted the best..Like HB said just more loving attn. can really help.I had to find that soft side.. I still struggle w/ it daily...So say we all....ha ha

My son sometimes calls me his dads girlfriends name, which is tough, they ask for their dad all the time. I just try to reassure them and not take it personally. Sorry you have to go through it too!

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My son sometimes calls me his dads girlfriends name, which is tough

Oh my gosh - that is awful. Good for you to not take it personally pink - you are strong.

Yea it stinks. Especially when you are already going thru your own coping with the situation. Seems to me like alot of people on the site are grateful for their independence and the lessons learned from the experience of being a single parent but what would they say about the people who stay in comfortable, safe relationships where things may not change much and there may not be much growning. I guess what im trying to say is why does this happen to certain people and not to others even if you can see the benefits to everyone. We all probably would have loved to stay in our comfortable relationships or the fantasy of what we thought they were if we werent "forced" to be on our own. But now we are and it's almost like I view other so called "perfect relationships" with skepticism...wondering if they would benefit from a seperation. Crazy talk I know.

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what would they say about the people who stay in comfortable, safe relationships where things may not change much and there may not be much growning

henry david thoreau wrote "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation"
i simply choose not to be one of them, as i suspect most of the folks on this site you reference choose as well.

I was one of those married for life guy's..I know things were different but had no clue as to how bad it was...Even like roomies I slept in the spare room for 2 yrs...I just worked more hrs to fill my time and when the weekend rolled around My daughter and I would go do our own thing or her and her mom would do what they wanted. meaning....... It was over way before it was over... It is still hard to play catch up if they initiated the split...It does get better...Just not as fast as we hope... I am not grateful at all for this chapter, but for the first time in my adult life I am not in a relationship on purpose.....It's nice to meet my adult self///SHHHeeezzzz I rock ha ha So LOVE that princess....She love's you unconditionally. You are a rockstar in her eyes.....enjoy it...