Hi to all,

I've been around for a while - reading and learning but this is my first post. I am so glad I found this forum. It's been said many times before - but it really does help to know that I'm not alone out here. I work really hard to provide a good home for my son who is 10 years old and a good-natured, sweet little boy - mature beyond his years. Most of the time, I feel like I'm doing a good job - even when exhausted. I work full-time; volunteer at Church and at his school and he's a good student with a variety of activities that he enjoys and participates in.

But there is something about the holidays that always makes me feel like a failure. It's a lonely time and emphasizes the fact that it's just the two of us. I know this probably isn't true - but seems like everyone else is going to big parties - giving their kids opportunities to mingle and experience social contacts - while Matt and I try to make the best of it on our own. We're lucky to have my Dad around - he loves to watch football with his Grandson, etc - but still feels lonely sometimes. We do have family here - but since my Mom died (she's the one who kept us all together) - we don't get together much - unless I do all the inviting and entertaining. If I can do it - I do - but sometimes I just don't have the time or the energy due to work, blah blah blah. You know the story. It makes me feel even lonelier that my extended family doesn't care enough to include us unless we're doing all the work. They don't have a clue (except my Dad) as to how hard it is to do what we do everyday. I hate it that my little boy - who loves to watch football, watches every game with me or his Grandad. I moved back here to be with my extended family - with visions of doing things together with our kids - but that hasn't happened and isn't going to happen - no matter how hard I try.

I need to find a way to swallow my resentment and come up with new traditions for Christmas and Thanksgiving. When my Mom first died - that was the first time Matt and I ever spent Christmas Day alone. It took some getting used to and now I enjoy just playing with him and hanging out in our jammies. . but still in the back of my mind . . those visions of everyone else getting together with big families - laughter, lots of kids . . . . doesn't go away.

Does anyone else feel this way around the holidays?

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and should be counting our blessings; we have many. I am proud of where we are and what we've accomplished - all on our own. Thanks for letting me vent and if anyone has any suggestions to perk up our holiday celebrations - feel free to share!

I love this board.

Mattsmom, welcome aboard.
I like to look at it this way, if you can spend happy time during the holidays with the family you do have, be happy for that. There's also a lot of those big families that are miserable spending that time together. God bless the families that truly enjoy each other's company, no matter the size.
This year like so many that have already passed I do not have a partner to share the holidays with, and I'm also going through some other family issues that will surely bring mixed feelings during the holidays. But I do plan to enjoy what I do have

Mattsmom, So glad you found us.

Over the years the dynamics of my extended family have shifted many times.

We have had death's and divorces and remarriages and it does change things.

We keep adjusting and I think that is normal in the world today.
There are traditional things I did with my sister when we were children that I still do, and there are lot's of new traditions that have developed over the years.

I will be without a partner again this year and am okay with that. I will have visiting with friends and family though out the season and enjoy spending time with those I do have. I have memories of childhood Christmas's that were full of cousin's and grandparents, aunt's and uncles. Now it is different but it is still good.

I hope you and Matt have a great holiday season

Mattsmom,
Believe me I hear exactly what you are saying. This is the first year that my kids and I will not be spending with their father ! It has been a very rough year I am looking forward to starting a new one.I still live with my parents so we do have them and we have been accepted into my boyfriends family but he cant be with us this Year either and that is hard too. My kids are not wanted any other time at their fathers family functions unless it is a "Holiday" so this year I am not putting them thru that so this year they will be with me ! !
It is hard b/c me too I sit back and think about how I spent Xmas when I was younger and it was so much FUN ! Being around all of the family and just hagning out ! Times have really changed . We still try to keep some traditions alive like we still make our own ornanments for our tree, and we have been doing that for years. . . Look to the things that you have dear to you ! Be thankful that you have that and cherish the times that you and your son do have together as a "family" . . .
have a great holiday !

Welcome Mattsmom. I feel your pain. Life sure does tho=row a lot of curve balls, but just try & remember all the good you have. Not haveing my kids this Thanksgiving for 6 hours, felt like a life time. But, unfortunately, it is something I must adjust too. Try & make the best of it, make new traditions, & enjoy the family you do have.

Thanks to everyone for your replies. And you are sooo right - how many of those big families are actually happy when they are together? I know one that puts on a huge 'show' for the holidays - biggest house; most outside lights; tons of presents; lots of parties - but inside their walls is most definitely not a happy home. And I'm lucky that I have a little boy that loves his Mom and his Grandad and loves spending time with us. This year, I'm determined to focus on MY priorities and not worry that I can't keep up with the Jonses and be happy that I am so blessed.I know another Mom who is separated who spent her first Thanksgiving without her daughter and she was miserable. OK! Less time with my extended family - more time spent laughing with my son. He has to have braces this year (Yikes!) so money will be tight but that's a whole nother story and we'll make the best of it. Luckily, Matt doesn't have a whole lot of 'wants'. Peace and blessings to you all!

Mattsmom, there are several things that you and Matt can do to make your own traditions for the holdiays. One thing that my kids and I have done for several years now is attend the annual bell concert at a church of a friend of mine. Every year it is on the same day and every year we see many of the same people who attended the year before.

We have our own church, we do the midnight Christmas eve service there, but going to the bell concert at that other church has become something we just like to do.

My son, who is now away at college, mentioned it this past weekend. He said, Mom, I wish I could be home this year to go to the bell concert. It showed me that we had created our own tradition.

Another thing we used to do when the kids were small was to load them up one evening before Christmas and drive around (the "money" neighborhoods) and look at the beautiful Christmas decorations.

Pick a holiday movie (ours is "A Christmas Carol" with Patrick Stewart) and have a movie night with cocoa and cookies.

The holidays are beautiful, I hope that you can again feel the beauty in the season.