I know I don't post here much. I'm out of school for now so I've been working like crazy to save up some money. Hopefully, someone remembers me. Anyway, my story is that I haven't seen my son in over 3 years, I left when he was a baby (I was 18 and made a huge mistake) I thought if I took a few month to get my life together my ex would allow me to see him more often without her and her parents leaning over my shoulder making the whole experience very uncomfortable. It didn't work out.. even though I did make major improvements in my life the ex is even worse.. She now refuses to let me see him at all despite me literally begging her for an hour with him. We have never been to court but I do send her as much money as I can whenever I can and my girlfriend is always buying him clothes and toys for me to mail to him. Anyway, I decided to get a lawyer to fight for some rights to see him and almost have the money for it. ( I will in the next 2 paychecks) but now my problem is I've been offered an amazing job in Edmonton, Alberta.. which is probably 2500 miles from my son. It's 22.50 an hour so I would be able to send my ex a lot more money to help with my son, I currently make $11.00 an hour. I would also have awesome benifits I could put him on. BUT.. I wouldn't be able to see him. I'm not sure what to do.. If I take the job, I can stop living paycheck to paycheck and provide much more for Jordan. If I stay here I might have a chance to see him but there's not to much I can to money wise. I want him to have a good life. I want him to have a nice place to live, nice clothes, lots of toys.. I want my ex to be able to take him of vacations ect.. but in order for that to happen I would have to risk not seeing him until he's 14 (what my ex agreed on) I don't want to give up the chance to know my little boy but I want to give him all the things I didn't have. I wish my ex were like someone of the amazing women on here.. I just read about a lady willing to drive 5 hours for her daughter to see her dad.. now that is a woman who would go to the ends of the earth to benifit her child. I only get 1 week vacation time a year so I would be able to fly back to Nova Scotia that week to see my son but I feel that would only hurt him.. me being there for a week then leaving for a year. I think my ex as 2 weeks vacation time.. I wish she would fly out with Jordan for a week as well at my expensense. I know that would never happen.. I'm just really lost right now.. any ideas?

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Originally posted by joecandy22:
... I just read about a lady willing to drive 5 hours for her daughter to see her dad.. now that is a woman who would go to the ends of the earth to benifit her child.

Wow, I could assume you're talking about me? Thank you for that, made me feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I am in a similar situation as you except reverse the roles. My ex makes good money but lives over a thousand miles away. When child support actually kicks in it will be very helpful for my daughter. But I would take her dad being here near us, over any check anyday.

I can't speak for my daughter but I'm sure she would prefer seeing her daddy more often instead of getting a hefty child support check. Money and materialistic things mean nothing when it comes to needing your family close by.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I understand needing to make better money and wanting to live a comfortable life but I think your child is more important. If you turn down the job and your ex won't let you see your son I would take her to court because you have rights. You can never get back his childhood, don't miss out on this precious time.

Your a very sweet lady. My ex would much rather the check. I would honestly give my ex everything I have for even just one hour with my son. What I can't understand is that she just got a new boyfriend and had no problem letting him spend the night with MY son but she thinks it would "screw" my son's head up if her had to see me. She tells me he doesn't want to see me but I find that hard to believe most people say their children cry to see their other parent. I do think your doing the right thing by taking your daughter to see her dad. I know it is going to be hard to make that long trip with a baby but her father does need to work to support his little girl. Hopefully, she will benifit from him working the job he does. Really, I can't believe their are women willing to do so much to try to help their children's fathers to see their children. It's hard for me to believe because I would give my right arm to see my son who lives 5 hours away.. I would walk there if I had to yet my ex is doing everything she can to keep me away. I'm starting to wonder why... She even makes me send the money and clothes ect.. to her parent's house so I have no way of finding her. I'm suppose to leave for Edmonton in one month, I'm just scared of what will happen in court.. what if it's been too long and the judge doesn't let me see him? I wouldn't be able to see him or provide him with a nice life. Either way, if I'm with him or not I want him to have a really good life and I want at least his first year of collage payed for by me.

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I'm just scared of what will happen in court.. what if it's been too long and the judge doesn't let me see him?

Not likely, you may have to settle for supervised visitation in the very beginning at worst. You are a father trying to have a relationship with his child and the courts will help make that happen.

It sounds like it would be a great job with great benefits...but...

your son having you in his life is worth more than the extra money you can send her right now!
Your are also very young and will have many more opportunities to make more money.

You need to stop listening to your ex and get the ball rolling on seeing your son!!
You do not need to wait to save up enough money to get a lawyer. Simply go to your local court system and fill out the paperwork requesting visitation/custody arrangements with your son. The first time my ex and I went to court we both went without lawyers and were granted a temporary visitation schedule. ( stupidly, on my part I never went back and had it made formal). You may only be given a couple of hours given the fact that you have not seen him in three years, but 1 hour is better than you have now. Then you have time to save money for a lawyer to request more visitation.
Once you have visitation set up you will be a better poition to accept a job farther away...you can get your son for vacations and during summer school breaks.

This is just my opinion but I would think long and hard about taking this job-you may never be able to get the chance to be in your son's life again. There are times in all single parents lives when we have to choose between money and what is in the best interest of our child.

It is a hard decision to make and I don't envy you...Good luck with whatever you decide!

I would rather see my son then take the job. I just think that if I had more money to give my ex maybe she would just give in and let me see him. She's taking care of him alone for over 3 years.. I feel so bad to take her to court. I need to stop thinking like this and realise she is never going to let me see him out of the goodness of her heart.

Joe, even if she was so happy that you gave her more money and decided to let you see him, you would no longer have that opportunity...you will be too far away. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I hate to see you being so manipulated by your ex. She has you believing that it is in her control to "allow" you to see your son. That is simply not true...you have the rite to see your son and to be his "Dad". But most importantly your son has the rite to know his Dad. Do not feel guilty about taking her to court and doing what is in your son's best interest.

Another thing to consider is what if the child support you send doesn't actually go toward your son or his college tuition? It's an unfortunate part of child support that the person sending the money has no control over how it is spent or who it is spent on.

I know you have the best of intentions. It's sad that your ex is giving you such a difficult time with this. If you see your son on a regular basis you would be able to have a better idea about your money and if it's going toward the right things. And you can buy him things yourself and give him things yourself instead of through a check in the mail.

And pann71 is right, you are still young and have lots of time to work your way up the ladder and make more money in the future.

I think the judge will see that you are making an honest attempt to see your son and make things right between you two. Admit past mistakes and let the judge know that you have learned from them and are making better decisions - hence deciding to finally take her to court and fight for what's yours.

I know what I need to do.. I just hate conflict. I really do feel bad about bringing her to court but I know she'll never agree to anything. I just wish so hard that we could work something out that we are BOTH happy with.

You said she is more concerned with a check? Well, that tells you right there that even if you send her a thousand dollars a month, it is doubtful she will change her mind on all of this.

I also feel that if you take this job further away, the courts will look down upon that and question your priorities. Besides, even if you make double, you aren't going to see double what with any extra money you give her and flights back and forth.


First things first, go to court and get that parenting plan AND child support in order. What she is doing is wrong, unless there is something else you aren't telling us...