My son ran away this morning. He has never done it before in his life. I went inside to get a drink and go to the restroom. I was in side no more than 20 min. When I got back outside he was gone. I looked everywhere for him. The next thing I know the cops were pulling into my driveway saying he was up the road. When I got to him they told me since he was three that they had to file the report and DFS would investigate. I cannot lose him. He is my world. But DFS is so f*#@k up in this state that I could. All I want to do is cry.

I would venture to ask why you would leave a three year old unattended outside. My son is also three, and my backyard is surrounded by a chainlink fence, yet I still refuse to leave him outside. If I have to go inside, he comes with me, unless I m going inside for less than a minute. Three year olds are still too young to understand that they can't wander off, and they have no idea of the dangers that could occur...I guess if nothing less, you can look at this as an eye opener to keep a closer eye on your son.

I would tend to doubt that DCFS would take your child from you after only one occurrence. They will more likely monitor you and make you attend some form of class or something to try to educate you as a parent....Good luck to you, and keep us informed....

first, let me say welcome to SFV-you will get alot of good information here and support! Second, your not going to like what I have to say but A three year-old should not be left outside alone for 20 minutes. I would not leave my almost 5 year-old son alone for 1 minute outside--even if my yard was fenced in. I am not trying to berate you-we all make mistakes. I am glad that the cops found him and he was well. Now, the first step I would do is get as much support as you can (family and friends) to show DFS that you are a good mother. Good Luck to you, I hope all turns out well!

Joey, we seem to be on the same wavelength today

yes, welcome.

my daughter is an infant so i have no idea personally. but right after 9/11 a couple moved here from ny. affluent town, virtually no crime. thier 5 year old daughter was playing in the yard with a friend. while the nanny watched from the living room (it was hot out)a car pulled up, grabbed a girl and sped off! nanny got a partial plate, color type of car (she really was watching) after a massive manhunt and every neighboring town, plus the army national guard, the girl was found several days later alive and uninjured.

we all still talk about it often.

so, yes, consider yourself extremely lucky and hug that little one extra tight tonight.

quote:

I was in side no more than 20 min

20 Minutes? Is this a typo?

found the article, the kid was 6
Kidnapped girl found safe at NJ shopping mall


SPRING LAKE, N.J. (AP) — A 6-year-old girl abducted from the front yard of her Spring Lake home was found safe at a mall Friday, police said.

Anna Cardelfe was found at the Monmouth Mall in Eatontown, News 12 New Jersey reported citing sources within the prosecutor's office. They did not provide details of how the girl was found.

The girl had been playing with a sibling and friends at 11:45 a.m. Thursday when a man drove up and enticed the girl into his black, four-door car by showing her an unknown object, First Assistant Monmouth County Prosecutor Robert Honecker said. The man then pulled the girl inside and drove off, authorities said.

"We want Anna back safely and will do whatever it takes to get Anna back to us," Michael Cardelfe, the girl's father, said during a news conference Thursday night. "We know you do not want to hurt Anna."

Cardelfe and his wife, Lynn Tesoro, were both at work in New York when the kidnapping occurred. The children were not in school because of a statewide teachers' convention, and their baby sitter was inside the family's Spring Lake home at the time.

The Cardelfes, who have four children, formerly used the Tuttle Avenue house as a weekend home, but the family moved there permanently following the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center.

A 4-year-old friend described the kidnapper as a white man in his 30s. The abductor made no move for the younger girl, who was interviewed by people specially trained in debriefing young witnesses.

Michael Cardelfe is president of Arb Oil Inc., one of the largest independent brokerage firms on the New York Mercantile Exchange. His wife is a successful public relations executive who has held top positions in the apparel industry.

She also was close friends with Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, the wife of John F. Kennedy Jr. When the Kennedys died in a plane crash off the Massachusetts coast in 1999, Tesoro spoke fondly of her friend in a lengthy interview with People magazine.

On Friday morning, Tara Harsin of South Belmar came to the family's neighborhood to hang a sign on a tree made by several children that read "We love you Anna." The street the Cardelfes live on was blocked off with yellow crime scene tape and police stood guard.

"I grew up just on the next block. It was unsettling," Harsin said Friday while pushing her 6-month-old son, Colin Joseph, in a stroller.

still brings me to tears 6+ years later...

I want to welcome you to SFV. This is a great place with supportive people who can give you lots of great advice and help.

I know that as a single parents alot of the time I have felt like I'm just "making it up as I go along." There is a learning curve with parenting, especially if you don't have a lot of support.

The mistake you have made of leaving your child unattended is one that I hope you will never make again. Since your child is your world, I'm sure you are feeling badly enough about this.

My advice to you would be to admit your mistake. Don't go down to CFS talking about how you "only" left him outside twenty minutes or about how f**cked up they are. You are the one at fault here. Be open to as much parenting advice and help as you can. This will make a good impression on CFS and will make you a better parent for your child, who you obviously care about.

And stick around here. You'll find lots of people who are parenting alone and lots of support when you're having a hard time.

I remember when my son was 2, 3 years old, I needed eyes in the back of my head, and would not leave him outside alone for 2!! minutes...

apart from the "usual - creepy - suspects", as in Laurie's story, and traffic, we are surrounded by water here (canals) and you only have to turn around before you hear a splash..........and gone....

(that's so great here when you do start with swimming lessons, age about 5 or so, once they know how to swim, one of the tests is fully clothed, shoes and all, they have to sit on the edge and the swimming instructor walks down the line and pushes them into the water....so they know how to deal with it should it ever happen).

At least it has been a good wake up call for you. Good luck with the authorities.

Ru you saying that none of you have ever made a mistake like this. I find it hard to believe. Nobody can be a perfect parent. It was one huge mistake and It is one I have never done before. And if you think that I am a bad parent for making one mistake like this in all of his life then you are just think you are. If you think I am a bad parent you shuld see the others in this complex. they leave one year olds by them selves out there. I go in side for a drink, to change, and put the phone up and you think I am the devil. I can only imagine what you would say about them. I know I made a mistake. 1 mistake, my caseworker knows i made a mistake, they arent pushing it. So why do you think I am the devil.

I had a friend of mine that was on a trip for a hockey tournament with her then husband and three year old son at a hotel. Her husband was at hockey events & she was at the indoor pool with her son. She had an upset stomach & a wave of desprately needing to use the restroom rushed over her...she told her son to come with her, but he refused & she "HAD to go"!! She ran to the ladies room thinking he would be okay b/c he was afraid to go in the water (we had done swimming lessons w/ our boys together & he was really afraid!) When she returned she found her son being dragged out of the pool & the lifeguard performing CPR and people screaming all around b/c he was blue! The ambulance came and in the end he was resucitated and hospitalized for a few days but was ok...The doctors said if he was in for even a few more seconds the outcome would have been drastically different!! Even then we (her best friends) couldn't imagine how she could leave her child alone even for a few minutes in a desperate situation!! She is a GOOD Mom & She would have NEVER forgiven herself if anything had happened to him!! Even GREAT Mom's can make not so Great choices from time to time...unfortunately our children can be HURT by them so we really need to think about them!!

quote:

Originally posted by CypressMoonDreams:
Ru you saying that none of you have ever made a mistake like this. I find it hard to believe. Nobody can be a perfect parent. It was one huge mistake and It is one I have never done before. And if you think that I am a bad parent for making one mistake like this in all of his life then you are just think you are. If you think I am a bad parent you shuld see the others in this complex. they leave one year olds by them selves out there. I go in side for a drink, to change, and put the phone up and you think I am the devil. I can only imagine what you would say about them. I know I made a mistake. 1 mistake, my caseworker knows i made a mistake, they arent pushing it. So why do you think I am the devil.

I've read through all of the responses to this post, and no one here has stated that you're a bad mom, nor that you're "the devil."

What is being unanimously expressed is that you made a mistake. Yes. All parents make mistakes. You are being encouraged to:

• acknowledge this mistake
  
• thank god for how lucky you were this time
• in the future, not to let your child remain outside alone.
  

Ever.
Not for 20 minutes.
Not for 20 seconds.

quote:

Originally posted by CypressMoonDreams:
Ru you saying that none of you have ever made a mistake like this. I find it hard to believe. Nobody can be a perfect parent. It was one huge mistake and It is one I have never done before. And if you think that I am a bad parent for making one mistake like this in all of his life then you are just think you are. If you think I am a bad parent you shuld see the others in this complex. they leave one year olds by them selves out there. I go in side for a drink, to change, and put the phone up and you think I am the devil. I can only imagine what you would say about them. I know I made a mistake. 1 mistake, my caseworker knows i made a mistake, they arent pushing it. So why do you think I am the devil.

honey you came to a public forum asking for support. you posted something that brings out the worst fear of every parent, then proceeded to defend yourself with "ony 20 minutes" and further say that DFS is f*#@ up!!

yet, amazingly, many of us welcomed you and told you how we personally felt about leaving our own children unattended. not one person called you the devil or a bad parent (though i suspect many wanted to and either refrained or chose not to post at all)

then you come back to the forum and attack those trying to help you. from my point of view, you need help. if you think leaving a child for 20 minutes is acceptable because everyone else does it, then you clearly have no positive role models and you should devour every bit of information from DFS and beg them for every resource they have available so that you may learn.

i know what it is like to be overwhelmed, we all do. that is the beauty of this site. and i dont think anyone here thinks they are perfect. i suggest you take a step back and look at the situation. perhaps thanking all of these people for taking time out of thier day to give you advice without condemnation would be a good start. otherwise, in the future, i suspect you will have a difficult time gaining support from the people you just vilified here.

good luck to you and your child.

OK! As someone who makes plenty of mistakes you're not alone! Your child is OK! You are ok! Yeah! Try to take a breath and regroup. You're not a bad mom! You are welcome here! You are not being judged.

I am not defending anyone nor anything with this post, but you came to this forum for help or support, just as everyone has. That support comes in three different forms, criticism, praise, or just being here to listen. You have to realize that the reason why there have been so many responses about leaving your child alone for 20 minutes is that we, as a conglomerate group, do care. Did you decide to post this topic thinking that there was going to be no negative reaction. One of our most active members had her son run away recently. He was asleep and she was in the other room, and he opened a window and took off. If you would like to read her frantic ramblings, Click here....

No one called you a bad mother nor did anyone call you the devil. The main overall feeling that I got from re-reading all these posts is that everyone is wanting you to count your blessings and see this as an eye opener. Who cares what every one else in your apartment complex does. I can assure you that if I saw a 1 year old playing alone outside I personally would call the police or DCFS or the parents, if I knew who they were.

I will end this post with a definition of Constructive Criticism...

quote:

Constructive criticism is a compassionate attitude towards the person qualified for criticism. Having higher experience, gifts, respect, knowledge in specific field and being able to verbally convince at the same time, this person is intending to uplift the other person materially, morally, emotionally or spiritually. For high probability in succeeding his compassionate criticism the critic has to be in some kind of healthy personal relationship with the other one, which is normally a parent to child, friend to friend, teacher to student, spouse to spouse or any kind of recognized authority in specific field. Hence the word constructive is used so that something is created or visible outcome generated rather than the opposite.

You came to this site seeking help and support, and that is what you received. I am sorry that you feel attacked, and threatened, but you have to understand that we are here because of our love for our children and to help others with parenting issues. If we truly didn't care, you would have received no responses...

-J

quote:

Originally posted by Trey's Daddy:
I am not defending anyone nor anything with this post, but you came to this forum for help or support, just as everyone has. That support comes in three different forms, criticism, praise, or just being here to listen. You have to realize that the reason why there have been so many responses about leaving your child alone for 20 minutes is that we, as a conglomerate group, do care. Did you decide to post this topic thinking that there was going to be no negative reaction. One of our most active members had her son run away recently. He was asleep and she was in the other room, and he opened a window and took off. If you would like to read her frantic ramblings, Click here....

No one called you a bad mother nor did anyone call you the devil. The main overall feeling that I got from re-reading all these posts is that everyone is wanting you to count your blessings and see this as an eye opener. Who cares what every one else in your apartment complex does. I can assure you that if I saw a 1 year old playing alone outside I personally would call the police or DCFS or the parents, if I knew who they were.

I will end this post with a definition of Constructive Criticism...

quote:

Constructive criticism is a compassionate attitude towards the person qualified for criticism. Having higher experience, gifts, respect, knowledge in specific field and being able to verbally convince at the same time, this person is intending to uplift the other person materially, morally, emotionally or spiritually. For high probability in succeeding his compassionate criticism the critic has to be in some kind of healthy personal relationship with the other one, which is normally a parent to child, friend to friend, teacher to student, spouse to spouse or any kind of recognized authority in specific field. Hence the word constructive is used so that something is created or visible outcome generated rather than the opposite.

You came to this site seeking help and support, and that is what you received. I am sorry that you feel attacked, and threatened, but you have to understand that we are here because of our love for our children and to help others with parenting issues. If we truly didn't care, you would have received no responses...

-J

I wasn't even sure how to respond at this point in this topic.....Thanks TD for this post, it says all perfectly.

quote:

Originally posted by CypressMoonDreams:
Ru you saying that none of you have ever made a mistake like this. I find it hard to believe. Nobody can be a perfect parent. It was one huge mistake and It is one I have never done before. And if you think that I am a bad parent for making one mistake like this in all of his life then you are just think you are. If you think I am a bad parent you shuld see the others in this complex. they leave one year olds by them selves out there. I go in side for a drink, to change, and put the phone up and you think I am the devil. I can only imagine what you would say about them. I know I made a mistake. 1 mistake, my caseworker knows i made a mistake, they arent pushing it. So why do you think I am the devil.

Did you read my initial post on this subject? The one where I said I often feel like I'm making it up as I go along?

All parents make mistakes. Your recognition of the fact that you made a mistake is a good first step. Your next step? Learning how to take advice without becoming defensive. I really do hope you stick around here because there are alot of people you can learn from if you are willing.

quote:

Originally posted by Trey's Daddy:
I am not defending anyone nor anything with this post, but you came to this forum for help or support, just as everyone has. That support comes in three different forms, criticism, praise, or just being here to listen. You have to realize that the reason why there have been so many responses about leaving your child alone for 20 minutes is that we, as a conglomerate group, do care. Did you decide to post this topic thinking that there was going to be no negative reaction. One of our most active members had her son run away recently. He was asleep and she was in the other room, and he opened a window and took off. If you would like to read her frantic ramblings, Click here....

No one called you a bad mother nor did anyone call you the devil. The main overall feeling that I got from re-reading all these posts is that everyone is wanting you to count your blessings and see this as an eye opener. Who cares what every one else in your apartment complex does. I can assure you that if I saw a 1 year old playing alone outside I personally would call the police or DCFS or the parents, if I knew who they were.

I will end this post with a definition of Constructive Criticism...

quote:

Constructive criticism is a compassionate attitude towards the person qualified for criticism. Having higher experience, gifts, respect, knowledge in specific field and being able to verbally convince at the same time, this person is intending to uplift the other person materially, morally, emotionally or spiritually. For high probability in succeeding his compassionate criticism the critic has to be in some kind of healthy personal relationship with the other one, which is normally a parent to child, friend to friend, teacher to student, spouse to spouse or any kind of recognized authority in specific field. Hence the word constructive is used so that something is created or visible outcome generated rather than the opposite.

You came to this site seeking help and support, and that is what you received. I am sorry that you feel attacked, and threatened, but you have to understand that we are here because of our love for our children and to help others with parenting issues. If we truly didn't care, you would have received no responses...

-J

Very well said Joey!

quote:

Originally posted by CypressMoonDreams:
Ru you saying that none of you have ever made a mistake like this. I find it hard to believe. Nobody can be a perfect parent. It was one huge mistake and It is one I have never done before. And if you think that I am a bad parent for making one mistake like this in all of his life then you are just think you are. If you think I am a bad parent you shuld see the others in this complex. they leave one year olds by them selves out there. I go in side for a drink, to change, and put the phone up and you think I am the devil. I can only imagine what you would say about them. I know I made a mistake. 1 mistake, my caseworker knows i made a mistake, they arent pushing it. So why do you think I am the devil.

I did not call you a bad parent. No parent is perfect, I am far from it and have made loads of mistakes. I still make them to this day, but that is what life is about, and learning from them.
You are not the only parent who has left their child inadvertently(sp?) alone.........

No need to get religious either (I am allergic to it)