I posted about a month ago about my fiancee's son and his emotional problems.

Well since then I haven't brought my kids around him. I've listened to some of the advice I got here (and thank you for every word of it) and explained to my fiancee that I don't want my kids around Jake. I've planned activities with them for my weekends that don't involve being at that house (and usually are quite expensive ), and it's been successful so far. Tyler asked why they don't see him anymore, but mostly they're having fun with ol' dad and seem okay with it.

But here's where it gets bad. About three weeks ago now, towards the end of August, Jake attempted suicide. He's currently in a psychiatric hospital but may be out in another week or two (they've got him on medication he's actually been taking, and is apparently doing well).

I'm not sure what to do now. I know in my heart it was his own decision to do what he did, and that there were more factors involved, but I also know he clued in as to why I wasn't bringing the kids around anymore. I know he has a lot happening in his life (I didn't know at the time but found out later that his girlfriend of three years had just broken up with him) but he has said before that if he drove another man from his mother's life he would kill himself. I thought he might just be a little over-dramatic, but saying that always clashed with how hateful he's always been towards me. I told him I wouldn't leave. But now I know that I have to for my children's sake. I don't want to but I know it would be better for them. But if I do and he hurts himself... I can't live with that. I care about him almost as if he were my own child.

I'm also at a loss as to what to tell my kids about what he did. I don't know what the age-appropriate equivelant of suicide is, but so far they just know he's very sick and is in the hospital getting better. I guess that's all I can tell them for now without hurting them more.

And... am I right to be angry with him?

Things seem to be getting worse to a point. I feel yes you have a right to be angry b/c he is putting the guilt on you..that if you leave I'll will kill myself. That's not fair. He kills himslef it's his issue not yours. Just sounds to me like he is using you for a scapgoat.

Sure he is on his meds now but will he stay on them?! Probably not most people in that state of mind don't like to take thier meds. Makes them feel normal and they don't like that.

I would leave if that's what would make you and your kids happy. Stop putting your kids thru the hell and yourself. This may sound creul and selfish but think of yourself and your kids. Honestly he is not your concern he is his moms concern.

I hope things work out for you. You have way more patiences than I would have w/this. I know I had a different opipion about a month ago but now I see things have only gotten worse. Let it go and move on for yourself and your kids sake.

SPIRIT

Welcome back T and A's Daddy!

I'm so sorry things have not gotten better. From your posts before, it sounds like J is a fairly intelligent teenager. I can't remember, do you live with them? If so, can you explain to him and his mother that you maybe just need to get your own place for awhile? He has a problem with depression. He's tried suicide before - now he wants to put the blame on the situation. Is it possible that he's just crying out loud for attention every time he's tried it?

It is completely normal of you to be angry about this. He is tearing your lives apart. Yours, your kids, his mother. He is choosing to hurt himself and everyone else.

How is it working with just keeping the kids away from him? If it's working and you love Jake's mom and him as family, maybe you can continue this new routine? Maybe the new meds will work. But his problem isn't ever going to go away and he needs constant therapy to find what it is that will help him. Not just meds..

Good luck with making your decision. Number one priority as you know is: Keep those babies safe!

quote:

Originally posted by Melissa Jo:
[QB] I can't remember, do you live with them? If so, can you explain to him and his mother that you maybe just need to get your own place for awhile? He has a problem with depression. He's tried suicide before - now he wants to put the blame on the situation. Is it possible that he's just crying out loud for attention every time he's tried it?

I still have my own place right now. But we are (or were - everything's pretty much on hold right now) looking for a house, and planning to get married next summer.

And I personally believe he definitely wants attention. I always thought when it came to suicide, if the person really wanted to die they could do it. Especially after 20 times... but I think he mostly wants his dad's attention, which isn't going to work when nobody even knows where he is.

Leaving is not what I want to do and would not make me happy, but it's looking more and more like that's what I need to do... I never asked for this.

From what I can see... he needs to feel like he's wanted in his family. He's probably having a hard time adjusting to you and your kids being in his life. I went through it when my mom re-married. My step-dad has a daughter who's a year older than me, but when they got married they had a kid together and I just felt like I was leftover from my mom's old life and here she was starting a whole new family that I wasn't part of. I did a lot of things Jake's doing. I hurt myself. I regret it now and know how stupid and selfish it was (and I'm 3 years younger than Jake - ha! Okay, inappropriate, I'm burned out from work and my brain is fried from homework... forgive me).

He needs someone in his corner right now. I think he's waiting for you to give up on him and bail. He needs help though, and if he doesn't try to get better, it doesn't matter how honorable you are and how much you want to stick by him, you have to get out of there for your kids' sake. Even if he doesn't physically hurt them, I've lost friends to suicide, I was much older than your kids are and I still don't understand it properly and it still hurts and I saw what it did to their families and younger siblings... don't subject your kids to that. But I'm sure you've heard this all before.