quote:

Originally posted by neverlookinback:
[qb] I dont think there is anything you can or should do to convince him that your beautiful children would be nice to him. It is up to him to be willing to gain their trust and love. Sure there will be bad days where they will say something that may hurt his feelings but when you look at it from their position they may wonder if he will be nice to them. As a family unit (if it includes him)all of you have to be willing to work together to get over the rough patches. Your children have a father and it is wonderful you are friends and he is in their lives but him wanting the father out of the picture will only guarantee that he will get treated the way he fears. If he deals with it as an adult they will only respect him and remember how wonderful he was about it and that he sacrificed his own concerns and fears for their happiness. Afterall, isnt that what you want? A man that is willing to put your childrens happiness and emotional well being before his own fears about something that may or may not happen especially when it is something that you can both work on with the kids together. I hope it all goes well for you but ultimately only he can make the decision. [/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by neverlookinback:
[qb] I dont think there is anything you can or should do to convince him that your beautiful children would be nice to him. It is up to him to be willing to gain their trust and love. Sure there will be bad days where they will say something that may hurt his feelings but when you look at it from their position they may wonder if he will be nice to them. As a family unit (if it includes him)all of you have to be willing to work together to get over the rough patches. Your children have a father and it is wonderful you are friends and he is in their lives but him wanting the father out of the picture will only guarantee that he will get treated the way he fears. If he deals with it as an adult they will only respect him and remember how wonderful he was about it and that he sacrificed his own concerns and fears for their happiness. Afterall, isnt that what you want? A man that is willing to put your childrens happiness and emotional well being before his own fears about something that may or may not happen especially when it is something that you can both work on with the kids together. I hope it all goes well for you but ultimately only he can make the decision. [/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by iamHarmony:
[qb] Hi and welcome :welcome:
2 years and now you want to go to a next step and he doesn't want too.

I think you need to hear him.
He wants his own family
he doesn't like that the children's father is around
he is afraid that my children will treat him poorly
From the little you posted it sounds from the outside that he has some big concerns and feelings about committing to you, and sure doesn't sound ready.
You and your children are a package. If their father is around as your friend then you are fortunate for that. There are no easy answers for how to convince him. He has to make decisions. There are no guarantees
This is coming from a stranger who only has a few lines of information to go on so it certainly can't be viewed as anything solid, just an opinion.
I hope it works out well for all of you. [/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by neverlookinback:
[qb] Honestly I think he isnt ready to commit period and after 2 years I dont think he will be ready any time soon. You said you think you will be alone because if he doesnt want you and your kids then why will anyone else. You wont be alone forever and the reason is that because not all men are the same. If you read some of the posts from the men on this forum it will restore your faith in men. Some are single fathers and some are fighting to be around their kids so they are out there. Children are wonderful and you shouldnt have to defend your kids to anyone. You have 2 children and from what he is asking or saying he is afraid of you seem to be getting another kid. You can be strong and tell him what you want and what you want for your children and if he doesnt accept that then you will get your answer but wasting time waiting for him to come around and trying to convince him your kids will be nice so they wont hurt his wittle feelings only stresses you out and allows your children to become more attached to him. I know it isnt what you want to hear but if he is the man to help raise your children then he would say they come first without thinking twice about it. Good luck and I know it is easier said than done but when you look at your childrens smiling faces you will know what to do..... [/qb]