I am a 45y/o single parent. Three of my adult chidren still live at home, and I dont have a problem with that, as I love them very much.
My problem is that I was married to their father for 22 years, about 20 of those years he was very unfaithful. A good father, and provider, but unfaithful to our marriage.
He passed away two years ago, and I swore that I would never love again, because I never wanted to hurt that way again.
About three months ago, someone from from my past came back, someone very special, and he has asked me to marry him. He makes me so very happy, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but im having so much trouble with my three daughters, accepting this relationship. I don't know what to do anymore.

I understand what it is like for adult children to live at home. I am in that situation, except I am the adult child living at home. Mine is b/c I am a single parent who cannot afford to live independently b/c of rent and other expenses. I do feel like I have cut into my parent's life, and when the time comes, my goal is to move out of here. They have done their time with kids. They should be grandparents; not grandparents with kids!

I think you should do what you have to do for yourself. Your children will grow up and meet someone and not give it a second thought as to how you exactly feel about that other person. If you are in love and feel this is right, you are certainly mature enough to make that decision on your own. Make sure you are not doing it b/c you are afraid of being alone. I got married for all the wrong reasons (one of which was that I wanted to create a family for my kids). That was totally wrong! I have learned a hard lesson, but that is my case. Talk to your children and explain to them how you feel. Listen to them, but make your own decision. Good luck! Welcome to our site.

Hello,
26yr s/mom of 3girls, 3,7,9..
my thoughts on this is if you have the mothers heart enough to make sure they are taken care of even when they have come of age. then obviously you have done right by them or have given it your all..
And now that there older you should start making sure your taken care of..
YOu can love them with your whole heart and still try to make your self happy.
When they see that it was for the best and your still going to be you... even though you have added someone special into the situation they will come around, to eccept it..But keep them close...
Because if something were to happen-not to be on the outlook- but they will be there to help you through it.. other people may come and go but your children will love you for ever.. anyway good luck and hope I helped talk w/you soon...


Love should enhance your life...
Not Control...
Or...
Define it...
Groovy chick*-Ariesmom3

quote:

Originally posted by yuki:
[qb]Whoaaa! Maybe they have seen all the pain you have been through and are just being cautious. Did you say THREE MONTHS?!?!?!?! Hmmmm. Maybe a little premature. They could be afraid that you are making a rushed decision and are afraid you will spend the next 20 years in a bad relationship. Ask your daughters to be supportive of your choices, as you are of theirs. If they make a mistake in a relationship, aren't you there with the ice cream and shoulder to cry on? Ask that they be there for you too, even if you mistake. But maybe slowing down a bit might be wise for everyone............[/qb]

Yuki has a point there, maybe in all the tossed up passion of being in love again, you should take it slow....nothings wrong with a little caution. You see I've been thre before...I was soooo lonely and angry when my wife left me 3 years ago, that I went hastily into a relationship with a woman from my past (who also meant a lot to me then)but we broke it up a yaer and half ago, finding out that both of us had changed and that it really wouldnt work out again..

I will tell you this from experience of being an adult child when my mother remarried. I am the oldest of 3. My father passed away when I was 23 years old. My mother was introduced to a man 15 years her senior. She never even expected she would date as my father was the only man she had ever dated. They got along great and fell in love. They were married 18 months after my fathers death. While knowing my mother and father were not "happily married", it was tough letting this man into our lives. Especially my younger sister (16 at the time). My mother sold the house and they bought another. My brother and I never felt quite "at home" ever again. This man slowed my mother down (she was happy for it though). She was the "cool" mom to all our friends. The one that would let us come around all the time and join in with us in good clean fun. Not any more. Things got better over time. We came to realize this man was the "true love" of our mothers life. Sadly he too passed away after only 11 years together.
Yes, I think 3 months is too short and your children are "leery". Give it more time ... please. At the same time let them know how happy you are and how very much you are still there for them (emotionally). They are adults. It was a big turning point in my life ... I GREW UP! My mother and I live together now with my daughter, 2 cats and the hampster. She and I rely on each other very much and we are the best of friends. I am so very happy I can say that!
Good luck!
Carla

Msfieldswallace,
God bless you lady. I don't have grown children but, you deserve to be happy. If this man makes you happy then follow what's in your heart and marry him. Your daughters will have to accept it. Give them time in due time they will have a change of heart. As for now they are being selfish you were with their father for 22 years. And they feel that you should not be with anyone well they are wrong. Sorry to hear he passed away two years ago. But he had no right cheating on you. A friend of mine who has been married for 20 yrs. husband was cheating on her with his co-worker they almost got a divorce but, later worked things out. I stuck by her side all the way and to this day we are best of friends. You should not feel guilty about having someone in your life it's not good to be alone. Best Wishes for you and your new love.
Maywest

I agree yhat three months may be too soon. But your adult children are just that--adults. It may be very difficult for them to accept you "replacing their father", but you need to do what is best for YOU right now. What do your friends say? If they are leary too, it might just be a big warning sign. Be open with your children. If this man truly makes you happy, they will come to see it in time!

I am a 32 year old single mom, and mother is a 53 year old was a single mom, my mom has been dating and I am very happy for her, unfortunately 3 months is very fast, and dating is so new to you even though your marriage wasnt under the best of circumstances. Your children are probably concerned about the length of time you have been involved with this gentleman. However, your children need to understand you are a person not just a mom, considering they are adults, there needs to be an understanding that you know what is best for you, and that you are the parent, and can make your own decisions, you need to go on and live your life and your children will learn to understand or they may not, but please dont let your happiness be put aside, when your adult children arent 100% happy about your choices, I am sure they have made choices that you didnt agree with but you still love and respect them the same, and you should express this to them. Good luck and may you be happy