Help, why even after nearly 3 years of being ok with being divorced, does it hurt so much that my ex has remarried.

OK I know the answer to some of it the new wife is very spiteful toward my teenage daughter and keeps accusing me of say nasty things about her behind her back WHICH I DON'T. How do I make my ex see that she is be rude to the childern behind his back just to cause a fight??

Hi Bel,

I know how ya feel. After 3 yrs of being divorced my ex just recently got married himself. The quick story behind me is that I was married to a man for 7 yrs..he cheated on me and then kicked myself and my girls out of the house and moved this girl in. Now after 3 yrs they just got married this past March.

I never cared that he was with her but for some reason once they got married it did hit the "hurt nerve". I guess for me I thought there still may be hope not only for my kids but for him and I as well..

As far as the woman goes..some women will do that so she makes sure that there is no way he will ever care about you again. My ex new wife did things like that in the beginning of their relationship and I just told him like it was..I told him if I really had something bad to say about somebody I would say it to their face and not behind their back and his woman might should try that sometime.

As far as her being rude to the children behind his back...I would sit down with the kids and tell the kids that if his "woman" is doing this then they need to be honest and tell daddy so daddy can take care of it. I would leave it in his hands at first and see if he takes care of it. If he then does not take care of it I would step up to her and let her know these are not her kids and she has no right treating them the way she does.

I know causing a fight is not the right thing to do..considering I am not a fighter and never been but I will step up to anybody that hurts my kids thats for sure. I may lose the fight but I will make sure I get my point across to her thats for sure!! hahaha

Just try to let the kids tell the dad and see if he takes care of it and if not then you need to first talk to him yourself and if it continues then you need to talk to her. Just talk calmly and firm and get your point across and go from there.

Hope this helps some..dont give up..you have to be there for your kids and defend them because they cant defend themselves.

Because part of you may still care for him. A person can't just turn off love like it never happened. Even though we move on I think we still care for them in a different way. Think of it as another part of the heeling. You will get through it.
If the new wife is hateful to the kids. I would just comfort them the best you can. Let the kids tell Dad, so Dad does not think you are being spitefull.
Good luck. This too will pass and you will be okay.
Lots of prayers.

Good luck to you .. I don't know what this feels like exactly - but I know affairs of the heart are complicated and painful.

just put your daughter in front of you husband and confront her and him, and ask him if he trust his daughter. If the answer is no, than pretty much request a counselor at her school to have private sessions with her about the verbal abuse from her step-mom and have the father go and talk to the counselor. If he still doesn't believe your daughter than it's his loss and he doesn't respect your daughter nor does he respect anyone else. Your daughter will have bad feelings but if he's willing to treat her like that she doesn't need him. I had a father that was horrible and I have a new dad I call DAD and well it's my biologicals father's loss not mine. Sooner later he will have to eat crow and appoligize to his daughter when she has important things come up and she doesn't want him there. She's 16 and has the right to refuse to not go to his father's in front of a judge. If the judge listens and believes her than he will order a cease of visitation. It depends on how bad your daughter, not you, wants to be with her father. If it's hurting her that much again pull in the experts and hopefully the problem gets resolved and remember to tell him how this hurts her, not you, and how she feels she is not loved fully by him or even trusted and respected. good luck. Always the kids get caught inbetween adults jealous and well the step-mom needs to grow up.

In my situation my ex hasnt remarried but has had plenty of girlfriends. At first I thought I was hurt but then figured out I couldnt be hurt because after being with him and the way he treated me I honestly had no desire to be with him EVER again. I thought about it alot and realized I was just angry even after 2 years of being divorced. To me he doesnt deserve to be happy after what he did and I think I was a little mad because I dont believe I am a bad person so I found it hard to swallow that he was treating her so well but he treated me so bad. He will never change so it is all an act anyway and he will always show his true colours sooner or later. Being happy without him is the ultimate revenge to me so that is what I do. As for the step parent thing the only advice I can give you being as I am from a broken home and I have a child with my ex is that you shouldnt react more than once. Talk to him once to let him know what you have been told and after that dont react. I know it is hard on your daughter because my step mother used to do that but she really only wants a reaction. The more she can get you and your ex to fight the better. She loves to see him choose her over you and your daughter. Dont give her the satisfaction. If he wont do anything about it then I would go to court. From experience fighting with him or her does nothing. Having it on paper with consequences does. I had it in my custody agreement that there can be no bad mouthing of the other parent to or infront of my daughter. If they do it they are violating a court order. I know it isnt fun but my thoughts are with you and especially your daughter as I have been there but if he wants to run the risk of her disliking him later for not protecting her where her step mother is involved that is his loss.

My ex has a girlfriend, not a wife yet. We've just gotten divorced in July. It still is painful. I guess the thing that hurts me is--how can a man forget about his children and be so involved with some other human being. I haven't even gone out this past year, but once. I put the kids first, I just don't see how they just move on so soon... I was married for 7 years too. Everything changes after the divorce. I bought a book(if there's any consolation) Helping children survive divorce. It's pretty good, because it doesn't just focus on the kids, but the parents as well. I guess you just have to keep the kids first, and not think about it too much...That's what I've learned so far.

Not all of us forget our children so easily. My ex met a younger man online and started acting like we were through with our child rearing, and we aren't! I stayed with her for a while in spite of the hurt because I thought it was best for the children, turns out, they needed out of that house as much as me. Of course you put your children first, any good parent does, but if you forget to take some time for yourself, you can become bitter and resentful. That's not good for you or them.