I am new here and I would like to know how someone can munipulate the system to get what they want. We were married for 12 years and have 2 wonderful boys. Their ages are 12 and 13. We were divorced in Jan. and he remarried in June of the same year to his lawyers secretary. That explains how he got what he wanted and the 2 boys have never wanted to be with him and they made that very clear when they were younger. They kept getting disiplined when they would say they wanted to come and live with me. Now the oldest dont even say anything and the youngest brings it up all the time. My ex threatens me and tells me he is going to restrict my visitation if it dont stop. I know he cant do that. I cant afford a lawyer and he knows that. I was paying 600.00 a month child support and now have lost my job so they based it on minimum wage but I cant find another job so now I am behind. His wife now of 6 years tells me that if he got the job he was running for they would draw up the papers so I wouldnt have to pay at all, cause he would be making about 70,000.00 a year, but that hasnt happened either. His new wife has left marks on my youngest ones mouth on the inside slapping him to get him to be quite after he got a full mouth of braces. I am sorry this is a long story and this is not all of it, but my kids have begged me to get a lawyer. I cant get one around here because he knows all of them and I cant afford one anywhere else. When I mention my ex's name they tell me they cant help me. I am at my wits end and so depressed cause I cant do anything to help my kids. He never wanted them two boys when I was pregnant with them, now he just uses them as a show piece cause he is a public figure. HELP!!!! What can I do?

Well I don't know where your live, but you need to build a case against him. Unfortunately, that is how family law works. Family law is always a bunch of he said she said stuff until you can prove it. If you are allowed to acording to your state laws record all of your conversations on the phone and in person. In some states you don't have to let the person know you are recording them. When you do see your children make sure you document everything they tell you. They are old enough now to write a letter to the court asking to be put in your custody. First you need to take care of your job situation before that happens but you need to build your case. Be your own detective. Also, don't believe anything the new wife or he tells you. Like I said record it. If you can show that he is using those children against you any judge will be more than happy to give it to him. Any reasonable judge is looking for the best interest for the children. Not the best interest of the adults. Go to legal aid if you want to try and obtain an attorny. But most of the time I have learned you end up doing all the foot work yourself and the attorney is merely there to put on a good show for the judge. But always remember to say you want what is in the best interest of the children.

Sorry about that I wasnt sure how to reply. My ex has worked for all the judges and knows all the lawyers in the county, so it is kind of hard to find someone around here. Thank you for your reply.

I am sorry, the political game is always the worst. Nothing but a bunch of liars, and fakes.

My only advice is what goes around comes around. Sooner or later he is going to slip up and do something wrong enough in the court's eyes. any message he leaves record ir, anything your kids say write it down. Documentation and their testimony has to count for something. It is a shame how life is all about who you know and what you will do to get somewhere in life. But for now, take care of yourself get a job save money and better your life so the courts see that you are commited to your kids.

I want to thank everyone for their comments. But I have been working the last couple of months but it is not recordable. I am a primary caregiver for a 83 year old bed riddin lady. And my children love her to death. I have tried to find out what the legal age in the state of Kentucky is for children to make their own choice before a judge. The boys father and stepmom tells them there is not an age but last time I checked it was 12 the judge considers and 14 they can tell the judge I dont know if things have changed in the past few years. Everything I find wont give me a sure answer. I know I might seem like I am really behind on things. I just need someone to talk to about things like this cause not to many people understand what I am going thru. Thanks everyone.

angel9293- I was told by my lawyer a couple of months ago that the legal age in Illinois is 6 years old before my daughter can testify in court. Kudos to you for caring for that older lady- I am sure that is hard work, you do sound like a good mom. feel free to share what is going on- there are alot of good people here to lean on.

I thank you for replying to me. I just have a hard time with all of this. My two boys want to live with me and every lawyer I have went to tell me they cant help me because basically they know my ex. My youngest one has tried to run away already and he told me the next time he does it he is not going home until I come and get him. And he is not going to his dads cause he don't want to be there. He has the worst of time cause he is the youngest and they treat him differently and they ride him about his grades he has a C and they expect him to be like the other 3 kids but it is hard for him cause they have always just done most of his homework for him cause they done had 3 others go thru it. Both of my boys are really involved in a church youth group and they take a trip to Memphis, TN every year around the 4th of July. My oldest one went last year and really enjoyed it. They helped people out that couldn't do for their self, Like cleaning and working on their houses. Anyway my youngest wants to go this year and his step mother told him he couldnt go cause he is in the 6th grade and the others didnt get to go until they were in the 7th grade and I said she might be your step mom but she isnt the one to make decisions like that for you your father is, besides he got held back so he would of been in the 7th grade. Their has been to much that has went on and she forgets who their mother really is. And it is hard for me to say anything cause it will cause problems for the boys. They have it hard enough cause they are where they dont want to be. There is so much more but this is long enough for now. Thanks for listening.

You bet! Thats what the site is for me - a way to vent and feel like somone cares- there is a lot of great people here that have gave me lots of advice. Don't ever feel like you can't share. I bet it is so hard to see your children in a situation that they can't stand and there is not much you can do because of who your ex is. Is the legal system that screwed up?

Angel,
I don't know if any of it is worth reporting to Child Protective Services. Sounds more like emotional abuse than physical.

I am a poor single mother, but I have a lawyer. Mine is a student thru the local Law School. I don't know if that's an option for you? Means you have to have a law school around.

Age is a tricky thing, it's so different around the country. But your ex is correct. A child cannot decide where they want to live until they are 18..

Although not a standard by any means, many States have begun to give 'consideration' to a child's declaration of custodial preference when the child reaches the age of twelve or thirteen. The judge is normally given almost unlimited latitude in whether or not he listens to a child and how much weight to give to the child's wishes. In short, there is no specific "age" when a child can say who they want to live with. In most cases the circumstances of the situation will matter as much or more than the child's age. And it also depends on the judge's view of the maturity of the child.

It is true, however, that the older the child is the more his or her preferences tend to influence the judge. For example, forcing a child of fifteen to remain in a home where he or she does not wish to be could quickly lead to more serious family problems. This 'harmony' factor may carry more weight in the judge's estimation than the child's preference itself.

Some States allow an "Affidavit of Preference" to be signed by a child to specify a custodial parent or Conservator. Again, the judge is given almost unlimited latitude in how much importance he attaches to the affadavit. Some may disapprove of it, feeling that the child has been unfairly put in a position of having to choose (and perhaps rightfully so).

Technically speaking, the child has no legal 'right to choose'. Minors are, by definition, "legal incompetents", which means they are not recognized by the court as being able make legally binding decisions, including decisions regarding their custody.

And as for testifying? This is only my opinion.. Just my opinion, not legal fact... Unless circumstances leave no alternative, children should never be asked or required to testify. Even having the child speak privately with the judge should be avoided. The stress that testifying places on a child is immense and unfair- even a 'private' talk with the judge in his chambers is testifying in some way, and the child knows it. No child wants to be placed in the position of being asked to choose one parent over the other. Only when the child has a genuine and voluntarily desire to speak with the judge should it be considered.

I hope this helps a little, it's probably not what you wanted to hear. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. And I'm sorry your kids are unhappy...

I just want ot thank everyone for their help but I am just about ready to give up fighting and just enjoy the time I have with my boys. Their father knows all the judges and lawyers and just won the election for Jailer and his wife works for his lawyer. The youngest one has been held up by his hoodie by the throat and the oldest ask why he was trying to strangle him and his father said he wasn't. Their step mother slapped the youngest across the face right after he got his braces and left sores on the inside od his mouth for 2 weeks. His father threw a calculator at him 2 weeks ago and left a bruise on his ribs and he didnt tell me about it until just the other day. It is just so hard, the public sees their nice little family one way but it is really not what they make it out to be. I just want to thank everyone again. He knows that those two boys are my life and they are the only things I have going for me, so he keeps ahold of them to hurt me.