Hi,

I am not a single parent but my girlfriend is and the reason that I am posting this here is because I have posted here before about stuff that was going on with us and found everyone to be so cool and so helpful that this seemed the natural choice.

Well, here�s my question: I am planning to propose on the 14th Feb (I know� its cheesy!) and we have talked about it for some time now and I think she may be expecting it or maybe has thought of it briefly that I may pop the old question on the 14th, anyway, I have bought the ring, some time ago now and I�m starting to have second thoughts about if its suitable.

You see she told me ages ago that she doesn�t want diamonds in her ring but rather her birthstone (topaz) so one day as I was walking around and this ring caught my eye in a shop (I had been looking secretly I suppose for a while at that stage) and it just sort of screamed out to me: �Take me, this is THE ONE!� so I did.
But now as I look around the web I see all these traditional norms and expected things � neither of us are very �traditional types� (we are planning to be married on the beach for example) but I just worry about a few things from the female perspective and here they are:

1.)No diamond� am I really gonna get away with this? Everywhere I look its all �princess cut�, �tiffany cut� �the 3 c�s� �jeepers its enough to give anyone the creeps!

2.)The ring that I picked out is really beautiful and really original (one of a kind made by a local designer) but apart from the no diamond thing its not white gold or platinum� its just silver, granted its very thick silver and looks fantastic but I�m just worried that the other girls will think her man is a cheapskate!

3.) Its not a band, it actually spirals � snake like around the ring portion if the finger with the topaz in the very top, which almost looks like a drop of water its stunning but the whole infinite circle symbolism of the traditional band is lost here. What I wanted was to get the same designer to make her wedding band and design it to sort of �lock in� to shape of the other one� thereby creating our own unique symbol (Anyone falling for that??).

I just really want to get this right whilst also making it unique and special and that I suppose is what�s making me second guess myself� does anyone have any comments that may help me out? Maybe I�m doing good here or maybe I�m WAY off?
What do you guys think?

Thanks so much.

I think you have done a wonderful job. She wanted topaz, not diamonds, that was her idea and you listen and did as she wanted. So thats good. To me unique is good, who wants the same as everyone else? Hers will stand out, other people (girls) will think its cool how creative, you have been.

I think you've done brilliantly here, you're getting her what she wants and being creative at the same time, let us know how you get on and whatever you do don't change the ring!!

I love the idea of the wedding band.

She clearly stated that she didn't want a traditional diamond. You said that neither of you are really traditional-types. And then, the ring spoke to you. I think that's all reason enough to charge forward.

I have a friend with sapphires in her engagement/wedding rings, and another with no stones at all.

I think that you did a fantastic thing. You listened to her when she told you what she wanted. Good for you. I think she will be surprised and excited. You'll be surprised how many times she tells people that you listened to her and got her exactly what she wanted. Congrats and I hope you come back and tell us how it all went!

Yeah!! Don't second guess yourself.. Always follow your gut! And your gut to told you to get this ring!! I think its great!!

that sounds beautiful. i wouldn't change it.you picked out what she wanted not what was expected by others. As long as you know that is what she wants (which you do since you have talked about it) then don't worry about anybody else it is her you want to marry not them. who cares what they think???????????
Congrats and keep us updated.

It will probably mean more because of the effort and love and consideration you have put into it. And forget what her friends think. You're not asking to marry them. It's what she thinks that counts.

Congrats you sly dog you. The uniqueness says more than anything standard can.

You are going to tell us how it goes???? I hope so....I bet she loves it!

It sounds great! Don't change a thing. lol who knew there were men out there that can actually listen to what us women want. lol j/k

If you had bought her something different you would not have been starting the marriage process out very well. You would have sent the message that what others think about you mattered more than what she desires. By getting her what she wanted and putting a little of yourself into it at the same time you are demonstrating what a ring is supposed to demonstrate...the uniting of two seperate people into one for life. Good job. Kudos to you.

You can always replace the birthstone with a diamond on your 10th anniversary. That's the "diamond anniversary" right?

I think that she will love that you put thought into your ring and not give a hoot what anyone else thinks! I am also not a traditionalist at all. Me and my bf have also talked about getting married and I don't want a traditional ring either. I have shown him my taste in jewlery and he bought me a ring for my birthday and he picked out a perfect one. (not an engagement ring, just a ring, but its beautiful) When we get married we'll prolly run off without planning it and buy the rings together so we can pick them out together. (no guessing that way ) Go for it! and don't forget to tell us how it goes!

If you're unsure, tell her the significance of this ring. Tell her how it called out to you and without a moment's hesitation, you just had to buy it. She'll melt! So will her girlfriends once she tells them!

Good luck.

Hi Everyone!

Wow! Thank you all so much for your encouragement! That�s just what I needed, I guess I knew what I wanted to do but I was just a little scary about doing it differently.
Got me thinking though: if I�m panicking about the ring then what�s gonna happen one the actual day?? �if she says yes �kidding!
Its really nice to have run it past a few peeps and get positive feedback � I don�t want any of our friends to know before she does so I couldn�t talk to them which is what led me here so thanks again guys �n gals, I�m feeling really confident and positive right now!

Oh, and I will definitely resurrect this post after the 14th to fill you all in on what transpired

Have a fantastic weekend!