I have fallen for a wonderful man but he lives in california i live in virginia. we, ve dated for awhile but the distance has kept us apart. My 10 month old son's dad is not active in his life. I m so tired of struggling and i do love this person he wants to adopt my son. My family doesnt support my decision to leave they say I am being selfish but Aidan will have a family and benefits and I wont have to work 3 jobs to support him. I am marrying him on oct 22. but my family said they were going to take my son away for child endangerment...

!!! How well do you know this man? How did you meet? You are going to uproot your whole life and marry this guy?! I am seeing red flags all over the place, please explain the situation more. As far as I can tell, your family is right to be worried! Why can't you just move and date him for awhile to see where it goes? do you HAVE to marry him if you move? It's a big step, you should stop and think about this more.

I agree that some more information would make it easier to try to comment on your situation.
How long is, dated for a while? How did you even date with that distance? I read your son is only 10 months old and the distance makes me even wonder how well you could know this person to uproot yourself and move to get married.

As to adoption, and his father being uninvolved, is he on the birth certificate. If so he will still need to sign papers allowing the adoption.
Has he had absolutely no involvement.

Not knowing Virginia laws, I don't know how hard of a time they would have getting custody for endangerement. Those reasons might be hard to prove without something more to the story, though based on just what you mention so far I can surely see their concern for you and your son. Perhaps some more information may help.

Kriss,
I agree with both so far. Why are you in such a hurry? Aiden will have a family?? Doesn't he have one now?? Don't get married just because you need benefits....I can't believe that. Your family is right, you don't know him well enough to know what you are getting into...and your son too. Everyone in here struggles in some way...it is tiring at times, but getting married? I think that is a very lazy solution. I hope you think this through better. Sorry, I think your family is right. I think you should at least listen to their concerns, as they care about you and your son.

I'm afraid that fear plays so many roles in the decisions being made.

Fear of being alone
Tired of struggling
No help with your son
Aiden having a father figure
The both of you having benefits

Please don't make MARRIAGE a quick fix for your temporary situation. Sweetie, we're all tired and fed up with so many things/issues in our single lives of raising our children alone, but marrying someone that YOU have to do all the uprooting for, welllllllllllllllllllll, that's a red flag in itself.

Adoption sounds wonderful, but like the others, what is the rush, and how long has this man been in your life, have you two met IN PERSON, does he have any children, ex wives in tow???? Have you really given yourselves time to weigh the good with the bad???

Please make sure that you know, that you know, before taking this huge step. This situation is just like having insurance...WHAT IS YOUR "B" plan if this doesn't go as planned?

Pray about it....

Peace and love....

It'd be pretty hard for anyone to get you on child endangerment just for moving.
Hell, they let heroine addicts keep their kids in homeless shelters.

I am curious if this isn't an aol boyfriend kind of thing. I wouldn't be in such a hurry to have a man adopt your kid...men go bad, it's a proven fact...they're like bananas...nice and yellow in the store but once you get them home they're covered in black spots and mushy. I'd hope you'd want to get to know your "banana" a bit better for a few years before giving a precious childs life over to him.