Hello out there,
I am new to this forum. I have a really BIG problem. I am single mom of two teenage kids. I have been remarried for a little over a year. Three weeks ago I found out that my 15 year old daughter was almost 8 months pregnant. After much discussion, my husband and I thought it would be best to put the baby up for adoption. Now I have a change of heart and I have decided to keep the baby. Both my family and my hubby's family have given their full support. My husband on the other hand wants nothing to do with the baby and has asked me for a divorce. My family seems to think that he will come around. His family has spoken to him too and they have told him that he is just being a total jerk. I know that changing my mind at the last minute was a great shock to him, but I just couldn't see my grandchild going to live with strangers when there is an entire family willing to help with the upbringing of this child. Any thoughts or ideas on what I should do? I don't want to loose my husband, but I can't give up my grandchild either.[/LIST]

THere has to be more issues than just this to make him want a divorce! I mean this is a last drawl not the first problem. Just a question but how did your daughter go alomst 8 months with out you knowing she was going to have a baby???? I think that there are several areas here that need to look over, and what does your daughter want??? It is her child!!! I know that she is underage, but before you and your husband made the chioce for her you asked her what she wanted right?? Just curious

quote:

Originally posted by Destinys mom:
[qb]THere has to be more issues than just this to make him want a divorce! I mean this is a last drawl not the first problem. Just a question but how did your daughter go alomst 8 months with out you knowing she was going to have a baby???? I think that there are several areas here that need to look over, and what does your daughter want??? It is her child!!! I know that she is underage, but before you and your husband made the chioce for her you asked her what she wanted right?? Just curious[/qb]

Thank you for your response. As for the my not knowing about my daughter's pregancy for eight months, she concealed it rather well. I honestly had no idea. She is a very tiny girl and she has always worn baggy clothes. She would even ask me to buy her feminine products every month, so I didn't suspect anything. I didn't even know that she was sexually active or if she had a boyfriend. I thought that I had a good open relationship with my daughter. Apparently I do not. I had to find out about the baby from one of her friend's mother, who was concerned about my daughter and the baby's well being.

As far as for what my daughter wants, she wants to keep and raise her child. She was against the adoption idea from the start but she did't reveal her true feelings until I decided to speak to her about keeping the baby. She was elated. She also said she was afraid to tell me about the baby because of what my husband's reaction would be. My husband is a very old fashion man. He did not grow up in the U.S. He is from Lima, Peru. He was raised by a very strict code that "good girls" do have sex and they certainly do not get pregnant before they are adults. He witnessed his own father kick out his older brother when he got his girlfriend pregnant at the age of 16.

As for the state of my marriage, my husband and I have been together for a total of 7 years. We finally got married last year. We got together when the kids were still little.
He is the only father figure the kids have ever known. My ex is textbook deadbeat dad who has never showed any intrest in the kids.

My hubby and I have had our share of problems throughout the years, including infertility. We've been trying to have a child of own for the last 4 years. We've been to see several specialists and they have all told us that I'm o.k. and he's o.k. its just a matter of timing. However, his frustation has grown over the years with our failure to get pregnant. He has never had any kids and desperately wants a child. I guess the irony of my daughter being pregnant instead of me is too much for him to take.

I am doing EVERYTHING I can to get my daughter the help she needs. I have already signed her up to attend a special teen parent school so that she can continue with her education. There is an onsight daycare and clinic. There is counseling and a support group. I made sure that she is getting medical attention and she is in good health and so is the baby.

As far as my marriage is concerned my husband and I have talked it out. He says that he loves me but he doesn't know what to do. He says that he doesn't trust my daughter and is afraid that she is capable of doing this again. Also he and my daughter have never really bonded. They are like oil and water. I guess I'll have to wait it out to see what happens.

it is so scary knowing that no matter how much we think we know our child we do not! I can not believe that she pulled it off as long as she did!!! WOw!!! YOu seem to be handleing it really really well, what about the babys father, is he around? She is 15 how old is the dad? Are you going to press charges if he is older and skips out???

I am sorry that the two of you are having problems getting pregnaunt, I hope that you all can stay strong and together!!! Do you have a church?? I recomend that everyone find a church, it is eaiser that way. YOu and your family will be in my prayars. If you ever wanna talk e-mail me anytime amanda83180*yahoo.com
amanda

quote:

Originally posted by Destinys mom:
[qb]it is so scary knowing that no matter how much we think we know our child we do not! I can not believe that she pulled it off as long as she did!!! WOw!!! YOu seem to be handleing it really really well, what about the babys father, is he around? She is 15 how old is the dad? Are you going to press charges if he is older and skips out???

I am sorry that the two of you are having problems getting pregnaunt, I hope that you all can stay strong and together!!! Do you have a church?? I recomend that everyone find a church, it is eaiser that way. YOu and your family will be in my prayars. If you ever wanna talk e-mail me anytime amanda83180*yahoo.com
amanda[/qb]

Thanks again for responding,

It's nice to have someone to talk to. Both my family and my in laws, eventhough they mean well, can be overbearing at times. The baby's father is also 15. His parents were aware of the pregnancy long before I was. What really makes me mad is they didn't have the decency to come to me and tell me what was going on. I guess they were hoping that the problem would go away. The boy's father even told my daughter that he wouldn't believe that the baby was his son's until we get a DNA test done. No problem, I'll get it done as soon as the baby is born. And don't worry, I'm going after them for child support.
This boy has turned his back on his responsiblity. He's even dating someone else. He's probably going to get that girl pregnant too. My daughter says that his girlfriend knows and gives her dirty looks in the hallways at school.
I'll be glad when she starts at her new school in January. I've got hands full with everything that is going on. This boy is the least of concerns. I'll deal with him in my sweet time. As far as church goes, I grew up Catholic but I have strayed from the Church after my mom died. I guess you're right, I need some spiritual guidance.
If you wish to e-mail me, my addess is c_anchelia*hotmail.com.

Thanks again,
Cecilia

If I was not a single parent myself I would not beilve that the parents of the boy would be like that, do not get me wrong my daughters grandparents from her dad are great to her, and me as well, but hold there son responsable for nothing. That is one of my biggest problems, they see me sturrgle at times, with money issues and know that i work my butt of for my daughter, and then they sit back and watch him go andd do his own thing with someone else and pay nothing fro his daughter not even attention!!! That reallly sucks that parents can be that way and it really is bad that they could not even tell you! I am glad that your girl is going to a new school, I attend a babtist church, I like it there and I find peace with myself when I think that there is no peace to find. I wish I could express to you how much my life has changed just by going to church!!! It is awesome. I did not always go, I always belived but did not always go. It is so much better now that I go.. I strongly sugest that you find a church, if the first one you go to is not one you like go somewhere else.... E-mail me anytime I am always online though out the day!!! I would love to be a support group for you and your daughter
AManda

quote:

Originally posted by Destinys mom:
[qb]If I was not a single parent myself I would not beilve that the parents of the boy would be like that, do not get me wrong my daughters grandparents from her dad are great to her, and me as well, but hold there son responsable for nothing. That is one of my biggest problems, they see me sturrgle at times, with money issues and know that i work my butt of for my daughter, and then they sit back and watch him go andd do his own thing with someone else and pay nothing fro his daughter not even attention!!! That reallly sucks that parents can be that way and it really is bad that they could not even tell you! I am glad that your girl is going to a new school, I attend a babtist church, I like it there and I find peace with myself when I think that there is no peace to find. I wish I could express to you how much my life has changed just by going to church!!! It is awesome. I did not always go, I always belived but did not always go. It is so much better now that I go.. I strongly sugest that you find a church, if the first one you go to is not one you like go somewhere else.... E-mail me anytime I am always online though out the day!!! I would love to be a support group for you and your daughter
AManda[/qb]

Thanks Amanda,
I had the same problem with my ex's parents when the kids were younger. They were great to me and the kids but their son got away with murder. Do you know he owes me over $50,000.00 in back child support and has not paid me a dime? Now he is remarried too and has three more kids with his other wife. What really sucks is that he does odd jobs and is paid cash and hasn't file a tax return in 16 years. Everything is in his wife's name so I can't collect anything for the child support he owes. He's a real piece of work. I could write a book on all the underhanded things this poor excuse for a father has done to me.

It's ironic that now that I have decent man in life, I may lose him. Well all I can do is take it one day at a time and turn my problems over to a higher power.

Take care of yourself and your daughter. I'll be in touch.

Cecilia

Hey cecilia sorry it took so long for me to get back with you!!! How are things going with you?? How is your daughter??? Hang in there write back let me know how you are doing okay!!!! Amanda

Adoption is a beautiful option. Please, please consider what would be best for the baby. There are many loving homes with two loving parents that yearn for a chld and would love to adopt. I know many parents that are going to foreign countries for children. That is great, but my point is that there are so many married couples here in the U.S. that would love to have the opportunity to adopt and would provide a very happy and loving home, including financial responsibility. The child would be loved and have many wonderful opportunities.

Thanks.