How can we get this going......

Have you let yourself go? or get pumped up to look your best after seperating with ex?

Do you really care what you look like now or more concerned?

What have you done to change lifestyles? Did you even need a change?

I've been in and out about caring for myself.

But Im starting my physical theropy again now that all the kids are in school.

The twins really did a number on my back. Cant imagine why. Lying on bed rest for three months on my back.

And I would really like to get that pochy belly I have rightfuly earn gone.

I think Ill feel better about myself once I start to focus on my needs now that I have time too.

Am I the only one that puts the kids health first. I kkep paying for their medical bills and seem to keep putting off the physical theropy cause I really can't afford it.

But I have insurance now...
It would be nice to get support from others about exercising with kids. Im gonna have to find the time from somewhere? Anyone have some spare time to give :P

Anyone game for this????

Ok... I seem to be the only one in this idea...

Ill be quite till SOMEONE joins in...

Peace

Hi Robin!!
For me when I was going through my divorce and there after.. I tryed to look my best at all times.. If fact I looked the best ever.. You dont think that has anything to do with the fact he left me for a 21 year old kid with the perfict everything do you?? LOL I can laugh about it now but then it definatly was not a laughing matter.. But if anything its made me stronger!! Marsha

Hey someone else.
How many kids do you have?

I set up the weight set in my garage and been working our regular. I can bench 100 Lbs

Its been a long time since I was able to do that.

How old was he Marsha?
My Ex went with an older women.
Oh around ten years older. Go figure.
I wish them the best of luck. It's hard enough caring for the children that come from you let alone to care for a full grown child... That someone else spent over 18 years twisting up...

I just pray, that she doesn't end up like the ladies before me and myself.

Good For you Marsha, It is time for some fun with people that will care for you.

Peace
Robin

Marsha....
You mean I am not the only one?? Mine left me for a girl he says is 18...everyone else says she is 17. Whatever she is, she can have him...I have been doing the same as you, after three kids I was no beauty queen, but I care more now, no more running to the store in sweats and a pony tail, now its makeup and nice clothes! And now, even though it is not serious, there is a man in my life,and my ex would love nothing more than to get rid of his fling and come back to his happy wife.

Ha! the best revenge to an ex is to get on with your life and be successful at it.

When I first left my ex. I did what some of you did I went out and pumped up and looked fab. But as I got older it didn't matter so much. My tastes changed as well as my values and although I try to keep in shape somewhat, I am more interested in expanding and shaping up my mind.

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http://www.helpingmomsstayhome.com/kdorie

"Ha! the best revenge is to get on with your life and be successful at it." AMEN to that Lugana

Just for a different view, I am a guy. I really dont care what you look like as long as you bathe regularly. All kidding aside, I think a woman is beautiful when she's pregnant. Its really all about the "you" inside, my last wife was drop dead gorgeous, but really hideous inside. Ironically, i guess because of her, i would be more likely to reject an extremely attractive woman based on "looks" alone. I am attracted to a woman who is comfortable with who she is.

As a male the best thing thing I could do for myself was to focus more on my child & picked up some additional hobbies until I felt the energy and resolve I had before marriage returned. Once I setteled into my new way of life I found that my appearance began to change from just feeling good about myself and keeping busy.

hello all
When i found out i was pregnant the father left me. Before i was pregnant i was at my best body shape wise. Now i have to post preg. weight. :0

My ex told me that to have my baby would be what ruined my life. well i finished college with an infant/toddler, and I did find a job in my field till the economy dropped out. Now i am in the process of opening my own family day care.
I did finish school and i did do what i want. Now my son is going to be 4 and other than a change of carreer i am doing well.

He on the other hand has nothing... Same old boring life...

So it does feel good to accomplish things that the ex says is not possible...

Kellye,
Good for you!

Whoops! I meant to say "Kris". Sorry , Kris.
Becky

hey robin,
I got pumped up after I left my ex....I
The best investment i made just after I seperated from my ex was I went to target and bought all the tai-bo tapes I could find. I did the 8 min work out before work every day. I am smaller then I was in high school, and even though I dont see the ex anymore (he disappeared), if he ever does show up....that is the best revenge I will ever get! hahahah
I lost almost 70 lbs!!! I am at my ideal weight. 8 mins a day! while the coffee is a brewin'! tai-bo!!! the kids can dance while you sweat!
I'm with you!
I have 1 5 year old daughter....
I felt much better with myself not only after I got myself in shape, but when I emerged more confident and successful in both my career, but knowing that I have the love of my beautiful daughter.
terra hill

let me clarify- I have ONE-5 year old daughter , not a 15 year old!!!!

Great going ALL!
I'll tell you that it is an embarrasment to say that I was marraged to my ex, I feel that it looks as poor judgement on my part, which it is and take all blame for choosing him.
For years I was told that I was a fat lazy pig at 125 lbs and @ 5 foot seven, now is just a bad dream, Okay nightmare. I am still 125 and 5 foot seven but I notice the looks, as I did before and don't shy away, anymore thinking that it is because I am fat. Nope not at all!

I stand and clapp for all that have made the change in perceptions. You all are my inspiration!
Thank you... Thank you all VERY MUCH! And I thought I was alone . Again it really is our perception and I feel now, today, that ...
It is all good!... now matter what the size it is in the attitude!

I am still working out and LOVE wearing baggy pants and a tight top at 38 years. I feel Great these days and it did not matter what I wore as long as I felt comfortable.

Agree? Disagree? or is it just me getting over the nightmare?

Peace
Robin

Hi. Wade hit the nail on the head and there's an older movie I came across while channel surfing late one night. It is called, "Who Gets The Friends" I think. It's some kind of 70s movie with Jill Clayburg and Lucy Anrez (Lucille Ball's daughter)

Talk about a great movie about a wife around 40 finding out her husband dumped her and then she's thrown into a different situation. Everything going upside down, falling into place somehow. Well, the ending is the very best part. It says it all. She said her main goal was to get even, then by bettering herself and going forward, none of that even mattered. It showed a lot of the hurt she went through during it all and it showed what a good friend she had too. A real friend. The ending is the best. Once she was on the road to better herself to show her ex, eventually that goal of revenge didn't matter any more. She was happy with who she was and became.

Finding out how to be happy with yourself is a major key. Wade is 100% right. So is a lot of other information here.

It doesn't do much for a woman's self esteem to be dumped for a woman or child half or more then half her age. Remember that movie, "First Wive's Club"? That was great.
However, look at Goldie Hawn and she's over 50! You don't have to have millions to look and feel great (but it helps).

Learn to be happy with whom you are, make your child your priority and all will take care of itself in the right time.

Life is a constant learning experience. Just when you think you know everything, no matter what age, you keep learning more and find out you didn't know half of what you thought you did.

Good luck everyone. I'd not give the ex the pleasure of knowing he destroyed my life, even if he never knew it.

I think I lost everything when my ex and I split up. I was still in high school and I almost quit. I went from being number 32 in a class of 350 to number 179 in a class of 350 in a matter of 4 months. I went downhill. I started drinking like crazy I did not get involved in drugs (Britaney was not born yet, and I was not pregnant) We would still see each other only when it was convenient for him. And then I got pregnant I stopped the drinking and all that, but it seemed like all the guys that I would meet were losers. None of them measure up to her Daddy. Even now we are going through a little dispute. I am seeing someone and I know that he is not good enough for me. He don't have a job, he did not graduate high school I mean there is not a future with this guy at all. Why am I still with him? I don't know. I do know that I don't want to be alone, but it is like I am alone already because I am the only one who worries about paying the rent on time or getting to work on time. But one thing good about him is He love Britnaey and Britaney loves him too. He is really good with her! I know that this is all rambling on but does nayone have any advice to give?

I know I totally let myself go. I gained a ton of weight while I was pregnant, and didn't take it off after my daughter was born. I also stopped wearing makeup, doing my hair, and basically wore whatever was comfortable. In all other things, I was fine... I took good care of my girl, I moved us closer to family, I found a decent job after I got laid off... it was only my appearance that I let go.

For me, it's a defense. I've battled with my weight all my life, and I can go back through the timeline and pinpoint the times when I had been really hurt... it directly correlates with my weight and how I presented myself. It's almost like a shield, really... I hide behind it because I don't want to date, and if no one wants to date me, that simplifies things greatly.

It's only recently that I've pulled myself together. I'm on Weight Watchers, and have lost 35 pounds in 4 months. I exercise almost every day, and I'm in better shape than I ever was (sad, because I still need to lose about another 50 pounds ) I wear makeup to work every day (although I still may skip it on the weekends, depending on what we're doing) and I'm wearing clothes that actually fit instead of cover. I have had my hair styled in a way that is very simple to upkeep (since I don't have time for anything complicated!) and I even get my eyebrows done regularly. I like to think I'm becoming a better Mom now because I'm taking care of myself. I know I'm a much happier person.

quote:

Originally posted by KaysMom:
[qb]I know I totally let myself go. I gained a ton of weight while I was pregnant, and didn't take it off after my daughter was born. I also stopped wearing makeup, doing my hair, and basically wore whatever was comfortable. In all other things, I was fine... I took good care of my girl, I moved us closer to family, I found a decent job after I got laid off... it was only my appearance that I let go.

For me, it's a defense. I've battled with my weight all my life, and I can go back through the timeline and pinpoint the times when I had been really hurt... it directly correlates with my weight and how I presented myself. It's almost like a shield, really... I hide behind it because I don't want to date, and if no one wants to date me, that simplifies things greatly.

It's only recently that I've pulled myself together. I'm on Weight Watchers, and have lost 35 pounds in 4 months. I exercise almost every day, and I'm in better shape than I ever was (sad, because I still need to lose about another 50 pounds ) I wear makeup to work every day (although I still may skip it on the weekends, depending on what we're doing) and I'm wearing clothes that actually fit instead of cover. I have had my hair styled in a way that is very simple to upkeep (since I don't have time for anything complicated!) and I even get my eyebrows done regularly. I like to think I'm becoming a better Mom now because I'm taking care of myself. I know I'm a much happier person.[/qb]

I agree with you 100%..I weight the same amount now as I did when I was 9 months pregnant and I am ashamed of myself yet I seem to not care...if I dont look like someone that is "dateable" then they wont bother me? right? less likely to get hurt again...I fight with my subconscious all the time trying to figure out why I stll look like this when I hate it so much...maybe because I am scared? maybe because my daughter doesnt care what mommy looks like? I have never been the "ideal" weight I have always been on the heavier side but I have never had a problem with self-confidence until I left Hope's dad. I dont know what to say or what to think...I need advice..support..something...anything...

oops accidentally entered it twice! sorry !

I feel your pain, I gained over 80lbs in my 9 months! My daughter is 3 months old (yesterday ). When she was born I weighed more than 213 lbs and I am only 5�3�! I am so embarrassed of all the pictures taken of me in hospital, in one of them I look like Chris Farley (yikes)! I have lost about 50lbs so far, but at this point I have hit the plateau. I have been the same weight for over 4 weeks. This time last year I was in the best shape I have ever been in and it took me about 2 years to get there, I was a size 4! Now I am a size 14 again ! I am afraid that because I am in my 30�s I will never get down to my old (new) weight. I know my body wont ever be quite the same but my daughter was worth every pound and stretch mark, I kind of feel like I earned them (like a badge of motherhood). With that said, I still can not help feeling sad, upset and even angry about the way I look. So I am starting a 3 week metabolism boosting diet, hopefully it will give my body the kick start it needs to continue to loose the extra weight. It is not a starvation diet or no carbs, in fact it seems pretty easy, but most importantly it makes sense. I will also start to make my self exercise daily. I figure, I owe it to my little angel to be happy and healthy.

HopesMommy01, I will let you know if it works. Maybe you will want to try it. If you need me to be your support person, or even if you just want someone to vent to, feel free to contact me. It really makes a difference to have someone there; someone who is in the same situation rather than someone who has never had to balance raising a child (alone), taking care of a home and working full time etc, etc, etc. Exercise, dieting and getting into shape is hard enough even when you are your only responsibility. I hope I have been or can be of some help.

Jenny

Well when I was pregnant I was extremely depressed trying to get over my cravings for the many drugs and drinking and i had be doing before. I used food as my drug and i am paying for it now. I gained 52 lbs while pregnant and beign 5'2" I don't have much room for the weight to go. but i have lost 39 lbs and working on getting back into shape. It's hard though, but I'm sticking with it. I started doing the atkins diet a week ago tuesday and I have already lost 7 lb.s !!! Yay Me!

Hey Robin and ladies

I have 4 kids, 2 with my ex, he kept me down in our marriage called me fat I went from being 145 pounds to 243 when I knew our marriage was ending.

I was in a depression all the time,being a military family, no close friends, no family close by basically no support.

Before I left him I lost 90 pounds and I wasnt sleeping with him, I was so hurt we hadnt slept together in about 3 months at the time, and I wasnt going to give him the pleasure of seeing my new figure naked. After all thats what he wanted.
I lost the weight and walked out the door.

This was 5 years ago I since remarried, had 2 more children gained some weight my ex husband was supportive and even being over weight from my kids
"he still said" Honey your not fat or ugly" You are my model. Even though I knew I was no model his love was the same, I knew that I had a keeper.

Now I feel good about myself I will admit I will let myself go when I am at home, however when I go out anywhere with my husband or out to the grocery store I get dressed to my best. My motto Ladies!

DRESS LIKE YOUR SEEING A EX!

When you feel good about yourself and even if you are the only one backing yourself up, it shows.

I have sinced lost allot of weight. And after I had been through the best thing I could do for myself is to take care of myself.

We all have our bad days, but on good days lets have good days, it helps when we are feeling crappy about ourselves!

Good for you Whittney, weight loss is hard. Lol I love the your motto! :-D