So, what's really been going on in my life. Also known as, part of why I've been so sporadic around here.
At the end of this week I emailed my doctor, hoping for a prescription for anti-depressants. I've finally had enough anxiety/depression building up that I just can't seem to shake it anymore. Sure I put on a good front when I'm dealing with my customers, and most of my family, but I'm seriously losing the battle. I've mainly been going through the motions for the last few months.
My daughter who has been using cutting, as a means to deal with emotions was hospitalized early this summer for 6 days. Basically a psych hold due to cutting on herself, and talking of suicide. She started cutting over 2 years ago mainly over abandonement issues with her mom. We've pretty regularly been going to counseling, have her on anti-depressants, etc. For a while she had stopped cutting, those meds and counseling were working. Then as planned we took her off the meds and she slipped back down. The event early this summer really messed with me, she had cut on herself pretty good, though no stitches. That time was mostly about a boy and plans to have *** that dad found out about and rearranged those plans. Still....we now have her taking birth control pills "just in case" and plenty of talks about condoms also in addition to the pill. I do know that where there's a will, there's a way so I don't fool myself into thinking that I Can't force abstinence on her, but I can sure work on obstacles. Heck, she's not even quite 15 yet. Anyway, since that episode this summer she has still cut on herself a couple more times. My fear is what happens if/when there is huge drama and she gets even more carried away with cutting and/or more seriously considers suicide. Every time she gets "emotional" I get frozen with fear that she will hurt herself, and come on....you know how often a teenage girl is emotional.
I love my daughter, and I cherish how well we communicate. Heck, she's the one that followed my advice from all the *** talks and came to me asking about the birth control. Even with our apparent good relationship, when she slips into her emotions I can't always be there, life doesn't allow us 24/7 supervision/stand by support. And they just don't always reach out either.

At the same time I am going to be losing my dad. He has kidney cancer that is not stoppable, they can only hope to slow it down and give him a couple more years....maybe. They removed the kidney last year but it has continued to spread anyway. He's taking some sort of clinical trial chemo pill that they aren't very familiar with, just as they aren't familiar enough with this form of cancer to even have confidence in their estimated time they give him, or what quality of life that means while he's still here. They are also only familiar enough to know that the pill will at best slow the growth down, certainly no cure. It's bad though, including very recently 5 weeks of not being able to eat anything, no jello, no water, living on IV fluids alone. He's eating now again, but very weak....they have him on steroids which helped.

I have a ton of work to do, remodels for customers plus I just bought another house to flip, should close in a couple weeks.
I'm just overwhelmed. So often I've come here and start to post replies to topics and just can't even get the full reply without just ending up deleting it and crawling back into my isolation. I've started this type of post numerous times and end up so scattered that I end up deleting it as well without posting.
Heck this one is at best somewhat less scattered, and for sure only touches on parts of what the heck has been going on.

I have literally been through he*ll and back again in my lifetime on several occasions, and plenty of other times that were bad but not what I would call literally having been through he*ll. And yet, here I am trying to pull from all my own experiences and still finally knowing that I have reached a point that anxiety/depression/life is winning. Hopefully that doctor will be setting me up with some temporary help, cause no matter how often I've tried to just pick myself up by the bootstraps I quickly fall right back down.

Ah, heck I'm not even going to try to reread this. If it makes sense great, if not, great Yes I still have my sense of humor...thankfully, because otherwise I'd really be losing it. Roll with the punches they say....but I don't remember the lesson on what to do if life is still kicking you when you're down. Oh yeah, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on keeping on.

*alright Don....do not click the red x, click the post now....* Here goes

Don,

Have I told you how proud I am of you?

I know I haven't been able to be a good friend to you in the past few months.

May you find the strenght, the energy to keep moving forward as you already are..and may you see and feel the healing light for I know you are not alone. I can only pray for you and send you healing energy.

What are the chances for you to take a holiday Don....spend some time with your Dad...or shorten your work week, so you can take a day or two to do the things you need to do..time off...

I know you have been going through a rough time, and I am really proud of you that you reached out to us, your friends...

While I cannot counsel you , nor give you more advice than I have, as you have done everything in your power in this situation, it is simply time now to give you a break, leave it to the Lord....time to take care of YOU...

I hope your doctor can give you some attention soon...in the meantime, you did a great job here expressing your hurt...I'm so glad you did.

Knowing a parent is suffering to boot, in addition is not easy...it is tremendously stressful....you now have maxed out your energies, and you really need to gain it back for you and your mother.

Oh my I really don't have any advice to offer here, nor would any really help. I just wanted you to know i'm listening and i'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this.

May God give you the strength to handle all that comes your way and well you feel like you can't take it just hold stil and let the lord hold you tighly in his arms. I know it seems like there is no end in sight, but please remember that the lord never gives us more then we can handle.


Kim

when I read the title of this message I thought you had a bad fall while flipping some houses and misplaced your hip or something.

Anyway, I dont know what to say... I can just pray for you (dont know if you believe in prayers though, but I do) and hope for the best.

And yeah, I think h*ell on earth is just temporary. I see it more like a valley that you have to go through, then you can climb up again the mountain if you just keep going.

Hang on in there. We're praying for you

quote:

I can force abstinence on her, but I can sure work on obstacles. Heck, she's not even quite 15 yet. Anyway, since that episode this summer she has still cut on herself a couple more times. My fear is what happens if/when there is huge drama and she gets even more carried away with cutting and/or more seriously considers suicide. Every time she gets "emotional" I get frozen with fear that she will hurt herself, and come on....you know how often a teenage girl is emotional.

I feel the enormous pressure your feeling...I know what it is like to go through it, but not with my own child...that must cut deeper than the cuts she does on her own arms.....

Don, have you showed your daughter any emotion about what she does? Have you let her see how it hurts you? Of course, it's none of my business and you don't have to answer. I just know that the few times I made my DAD cry really had an impact on me. He was always the tough guy and got angry instead of sad. When I realized that some things that I had done actually made him sad, it made me change things. Just me thinking...

quote:

Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:

quote:

I can force abstinence on her, but I can sure work on obstacles. Heck, she's not even quite 15 yet. Anyway, since that episode this summer she has still cut on herself a couple more times. My fear is what happens if/when there is huge drama and she gets even more carried away with cutting and/or more seriously considers suicide. Every time she gets "emotional" I get frozen with fear that she will hurt herself, and come on....you know how often a teenage girl is emotional.

I feel the enormous pressure your feeling...I know what it is like to go through it, but not with my own child...that must cut deeper than the cuts she does on her own arms.....

Oops, that was a typo, told you I'm scattered Meant to say I know I can't force abstinence on her. If only we really could do that, when they have it in their mind that they want to. I'd better go fix that typo now.

Sam...Uh I mean Don, ....

I'm just seconding what M said. I'm proud of you...I doubt theres anything I could say to ease your stress. I know the stress you feel, having a teenage son and now daughter...and in the early days of my divorce praying that my son would stay on an even keel and not hurt himself and he dealt with issues of abandonment and betrayal. Now as my youngest is entering teendom those same issues rear their ugly head, and I'm there again. And much like you...running a business, and trying somehow to find time to nurture my children.....all the while maintaining to keep my own sanity.

I'm saddened for the situation with your father...as I lost my grandfather last year...who was more like a father to me and my only hero.

I can only say that I will earnestly be in prayer for you and your family.

Make sure you keep us posted on how thing are going Sam, err Don.

quote:

Originally posted by astarte502:
Don, have you showed your daughter any emotion about what she does? Have you let her see how it hurts you? Of course, it's none of my business and you don't have to answer. I just know that the few times I made my DAD cry really had an impact on me. He was always the tough guy and got angry instead of sad. When I realized that some things that I had done actually made him sad, it made me change things. Just me thinking...

Oh, my daughter has definitely seen a number of emotions out of me over all this. When I walked in on her cutting, the early summer incident, was the time I went off....mad as heck. I've cried and openly shown a lot of worry and concern, that's the usual. There was one incident that I did pull "the silent treatment", and that actually worked probably because I don't really hide my emotions with her normally, and she even came in to give me a hug that time.
One of the really scary things, is that me and her really do have a good relationship, communicate well etc. and still that just temporarily isn't there sometimes when she's going through her stuff.

quote:

Make sure you keep us posted on how thing are going Sam, err Don. Smiler

Thanks bro. And I will try, maybe having posted this topic will help me gather my thoughts on it all more. It's just that I'm really just grasping just how much this stuff has been getting to me, the level of anxiety I've been at for a little while. I'm......scared, I hate seeing my daughter hurt herself.

I truly hope she (and you) work through this. She's such a pretty girl and she has such and awesome daddy! You are doing all that you need to do, Don. I'll keep praying the therapy and anti depressants work for both you and her.

well hang in there... hope things get better for you there is family therapy that most psychiatrists shd do and it does help a lot...i dont know what you have tried but remember we are all here for you to listen to you whenever you need a shoulder..Isolation is not an answer..dont give in to your stress from what i have read from you are a strong man you can fight it and come out of it for the sake of you and your daughter....i dont know how much sense i make but all in all dont give up there is always an answer to everything...Keep strong

quote:

Originally posted by Don:

quote:

Make sure you keep us posted on how thing are going Sam, err Don. Smiler

Thanks bro. And I will try, maybe having posted this topic will help me gather my thoughts on it all more. It's just that I'm really just grasping just how much this stuff has been getting to me, the level of anxiety I've been at for a little while. I'm......scared, I hate seeing my daughter hurt herself.

It's scarry...it's hurtful..and after a while you start to feel numb...

It's a nasty feeling...

I don't understand much of the bible if any...when I feel that I have done all that I could do,...what i do and it usually helps, is i get down on my knees by my bed, when no one is around, and like a crying baby I pray. I pray for the horrible fear to be removed and for some doors to open, for the angels to come down...and then I chose to believe all of that happens before I finish.

We've been going through therapy since this started, about 2 1/2 years now. She is still currently going to a Teen IOP group weekly. (Intensive Outpaient Program) for teens with self destructive behavior. Together we see the therapist that does the group meeting every couple weeks. She has been involved with Al-ateen during this time. Her mom has had invites and requests to attend counseling but doesn't. She did make it to 2 appts only after this early summer incident and of course right back to status quo.....nada.

Do you think it would be a good idea to remove her out of the picture completely until your daughter choses to have her go?

I am wondering if continuing the invites, is getting her hopes up and might me reinforcing time and time again the abandonment issues she is going through??

Just wondering..maybe it is time to cut her out completely...getting her hopes up all the time might be doing more harm than good?

Hey, Don,
I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing right now. Isolation is a technique that I tend to go for, just like you. It's not very effective. I'm very glad that you're reaching out, though. This community cares about you very much.

I wish I had a perfect solution for you. Instead, I'll just continue to send peaceful thoughts your way.

Don, I so sorry to hear that. I don't have any advise to give but i'm here if you need someone to talk too

I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you. As parents we want so badly to protect our children from getting hurt but when they are the one hurting theirselves I can guess you feel helpless. I am so sorry for your pain and for the pain that has led your daughter to this. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I'm glad you have come here to open up to us I hope it helps to get it out. I recomend that you say what your feeling and don't look back at what you wrote. Forget that a backspace exists just tell us how you really feel. And We will listen.