So I went through his phone records and found him talking to someone.
SO I asked him about it and he says its a guy that he works with. So I did not believe that and I called the number and it's some girl. So he says that its the guys wife. So I call back again and ask for her husband and she says I have the wrong number.
So he says that I either have to trust and believe what he says and not check what he is doing or else he is leaving. So I said no I don't believe you or trust you.
Then he calls and says he got a call from the "guy" because his wife is upset. BULLCRAP!!!!!
Good to know 3 freaking weeks before I am to give birth.
So I know I get on here and whine about how crappy things are then the next time they are good but its really not ever good. Apparently I can't stop checking on him and he can't stop lying to me.
Anyway. Thats my vent/breakdown for the day.

Jen, I'm so sorry that you're going thru that right before giving birth. My husband cheated on me for 7 years, including when I was pregnant with my 3 year old. (At least 7 years that I am aware of......maybe more....who knows?) She was born in 2004. He would tell me the same thing, "Its just your imagination, you need to trust me or this won't work"

Well, do you know what I did? I became a friggin Private investigator. I got a listening device that was sound activated & put it in his car. Of course I got him on tape talking all sweet & romantic to her & I caught him on tape with her in the car. Yeah!!! Thats why he always told me I was 2 darn smart for my own good. Actually HE WAS RIGHT!!! Then he got smart & knew that I was listening somehow to his conversations & he started using code & he used the walkie talkie instead of the phone.

He even got smarter but so did I. Do you know what I did next? Well, I'll tell ya. I went & bought a motorola phone that had GPS on it. GPS is a type of tracking that is done thru the satellites and everywhere the phone goes.. you can track it. So I HID THE PHONE UNDER THE PASSENGER SEAT and tracked HIS CHEATING A**. I didn't even have to put a phone plan on it, I just had the GPS plan. Of course HE WAS CHEATING & I EVEN CAUGHT HIM LEAVING HER HOUSE, because I called him & told him it was urgent that he call me & he left the house to go talk in his car & THERE I WAS PARKED IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE & BLOCKING HIS CAR FROM LEAVING.

Now the question is....Did it get me anywhere-NO.
Did he stop cheating--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So what did all that get me.....NOTHING BUT PANIC ATTACKS,STOMACH PROBLEMS ETC. I did prove to myself that he was the biggest liar on earth & he was real good at it. I also proved to myself that he had no morals or conscience. I could write a couple of books on all the ways I caught him & all the things I found out. She has been his mistress for 7 years. I have all her information ....date of birth, social security, house address, photographs of her house taken from the air.....which by the way is SO LIKE OUR HOUSE.

Honestly, I have done everything I could to save our marriage, including marriage counseling with him but he never tried to save our marriage. He never gave it a shot. After the marriage counselor appointments he would still go & se her. I think he thought I was going to get tired & just stop following his every move & trust himm again or just let him have a mistress. Some people...especially latin men like to have 2 families.

I did ignore the whole mistress thing while I was pregnant with my last child(she is 3 yr old & my other 2 are 18 yr & 17 yr old) I ignored it with my last kid cause I got gestational diabetes & when I would get upset my blood sugar would SKY ROCKET. I started checking to see if he had finally had enough of his fling about a year after & he was still doing the same thing. I kept trying because we have been married for 25 years this July (04). We have been living separate lives for at least 10 or 12 years & he never wanted to discuss it. He would tell me that ALL MARRIED COUPLES go through the same thing & after years of marriage, the honeymoon is over & couples start ignoring each other, ETC. Of course I have been separated for almost a year but we still live in the same house until we sell it & our kids like to have both their parents.(That's a whole other story & a long one but if you ever want to hear my weird dysfunctionality of a life & everything I've done for my kids, I'll tell ya.

My attorney told me about 4 years ago...."If a man cheats & never does it again its because he made a mistake and wants his marriage to work but if he does it a second time....he will never stop and you will be back to see me again" You know what....SHE WAS RIGHT!!!!!

Like I said, I've been there & I know how you feel. Every time you catch him, its like you RELIVE THE AFFAIR ALL OVER AGAIN!!! I am so sorry that you have to be going through this. You are not alone....if you need anything, I'll be here for you. If you just need to vent or bitc* about him, let me be your complaint companion. I suggest that if you can, ignore what he is doing for now until you have the baby. Think happy thoughts & don't focus on him. You need to be as calm & relaxed as you possibly can. I suggest that from now until the baby is 3 months, which are exhausting months, just focus on yourself, the baby & your kids. After that..........DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. My suggestion....start trying to save some money without his knowledge & make a strategic plan on what you want & need to do. A wise person once told me, "Never let your enemy know what you are thinking or what your next move is going to be. Always be alert but don't get paranoid. Always have an ally, for a backup plan"To this day, I still like that advice.

Take good care of yourself & if you need anything just let me know!!!!

Jen, how awful!!!! There is "cheating" and then there is "lying and cheating". My EX was the later when I found out about his mistress. My youngest was 6 months old at the time and he would say the same thing... "trust me... it's all in your head" "you're trying to ruin this marriage" "she's just a friend" blah blah blah. He'll say the same thing today if you asked.

My "proof" and reason for moving on was finding a series of love letters. The mistress' husband and I would call each other since the stories didn't add up. I stopped believing him and moved on when I found what I needed to do such.

Take care of you and the baby. He's a big boy and he can take care of himself.

You know the thing that I think makes me the most mad is that I would have left any other person for much less and I wonder why in the heck do I put up with his stuff?
2darnsmart, I too have used different type of things to "catch" him doing his dirt and then when I do he learns and trys different ways but then I catch him again. What I do not understand is I know he was talking to this girl before and he said she was married. So why lie about who it was? I did not accuse him of cheating I just wanted to know who he felt he had to text message over 100 times. And yeah I called her again last night after I got off of work and I know who this chic is, he met her from craigslist (that wonderful site).
I would love to hear how you dealt with living in the same house because that is my problem now. All of my friends have left Hawaii so I have NO WHERE to go. My other 2 children are already on the mainland with family and we have this 3 bedroom house. I just can't stand to see him day in and day out.
If I don't live here then I don't have the compulsion to check up on him, but if I am here then I can't seem to help myself. Its like I am a woman obsesed. (so can't spell)

You know I am so upset and so depressed that I don't even want to do this life anymore. But I know that if I go to the doctor he would try to use that to take my baby away. Lets not address the fact that he has been "hooking up" with GUYS for "coffee".
Sorry had to throw that one in there..
I just don't like people who are dishonest about who they REALLY are.
If you hit me up on my myspace page I can give you my email or phone number and we can chat more.
I just feel so alone and isolated because I am all the way in Hawaii all alone. No family no frieds, just a job. Which I guess I should be greatful for but I'm not. Its pitty day for me today and probably the next few days after today.

Take care ladies and gents.

Jen, I'M HERE FOR YOU. I know what you are going through it SOUNDS EXACTLY like MY LIFE, except for the him hitting on guys.

Anyway, yeah I would love to talk to you in private. I just have no idea how I can get on "my space" but i can get your email & phone & we can talk. Now, HOW DO I GET THOSE THINGS OR GIVE YOU MINE without telling the whole world? Please let me know what to do next.

Diane

Jen, its me again. Where are you? I probably won't be able to get on until real late after I leave here in a little bit.

I'd really like to talk. I too would have left my relationship a long time ago. It hurts like he** & I always feel like I'm on a carousel & can't get off. I sometimes think that since you've put so much time into it & you have kids.....well we're moms, its not easy for us to give up. We always think we can fix everything.....so we naturally believe we can fix the man in our life and if he continues lying, then we REALLY believe we can help him since he's still with us. I believe that the truth is they just don't have the guts to walk away. They feel comfortable & since they aredoing what THEY WANT...why should they leave. Are you still cooking, cleaning & washing his clothes?

I know that I would get really atngry at myself &

SORRY!! Hit the wrong da** key. You see I start writing about these things & I get angry anyway.

As I was saying...I would get angry at myself for letting him do this to me. I was letting him upset me by coming & going as he pleased. He was happy cause he would do what he wanted with whom he wanted & then come home & dinner was cooked, bills paid, house clean, etc,etc,etc!!

You see what I mean. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO LEAVE. Its cozy. The only bad thing is every once in a while he would have to put up with my questions & complaining & accusing but he'd just treat me like a nut job & ignore me & everything was back to HIS WAY OF LIFE.
Who would still get his way...HIM...Who would win...HIM. I just began...slowly but surely, thinking about myself & my kids. THERE IS LOTS TO TALK ABOUT. I think I have a cell phone plan that includes free long distance, I'm just not sure if Hawaii is on there but I'll find out.

Hope to hear from you soon!!

You are NOT ALONE.

quote:

Originally posted by 2darnsmart:
Jen, I'M HERE FOR YOU. I know what you are going through it SOUNDS EXACTLY like MY LIFE, except for the him hitting on guys.

Anyway, yeah I would love to talk to you in private. I just have no idea how I can get on "my space" ...

MySpace DOES have it's own IM. Check the links at the top of your "MYSpace" page.

There are a lot of long comments here and I don't feel like reading them, but let me just say....Trust your instincts. If you are checking up on him through his phone records, why are you still with him. It is obvious there is no trust there. Walk and be done with it.

-J

Hi Paul. I'm an internet virgen so I have no idea what MySpace is. Consequently I don't know how to get there.

Any input is appreciated.

Thanks

Diane

http://www.myspace.com

My favorite place next to sfv

Why is it that guys don't like communicating in any form when it takes up more than a minute of their life? Reading long postings--finding out what is going on in a problem, etc.

Just a thought! Dont mean to step on any toes. Just want to get some insght on the male species.

Can somebody please chime in here and give me a heads us on what MYSPACE is?

I'd like to play too.

My name is Diane just in case you guys didn't know who you were speaking to. My screen name doesn' say much

lol MySpace is a web sight where you can stay intouch with friends and family and also meet new ppl. Just like this sigte though be carefull it is very addictive. you will end up spending hours in here and on there . MySpace lets you set up a page for about your self where your friends can leave you comments and messages. it also has a IM you can down load.
under alot of these ppl post there is a link for thier myspace profile if you need to see what it is your missing out on. mines not the best exsample. I like what myspace offers just not thier layouts so i did my own. .....kinda

click the link ..... you know you want to.......click it..... i dare you lmao.

Hey Diane, myspace is a website where people can go to keep in touch with each other.
I had to take my phone to sprint because it decided to die this morning and they could not fix it. It worked for about 1 minute by the time I got to the car it crapped out again so I walked back in and then it was fine. I will have to see how it acts throughout the night and tomorrow.
Trey's Daddy (sorry can't remember your name) I check everything, his computer, his emails, everything. I am a woman possed sometimes. I know that even if I feel its off then I should just go but like Diane said we ladies think we can fix things.
I just so need to man up and move on.
Anyone know of any IT jobs?

THANKS! I wouldnt know how to set something like that up but I'll check yours out.

I don't even know how to put a picture of myself under my screen name.

Pretty lame but I'm new to this type of interaction.

Thats lame too. Oh well.......this is where life has taken me. Learning to go with the flow & have FUN while doing it

THIS IS ADDICTIVE!!!

I HATE MY LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its so slow. I'm always late replying

Had to go get something quick to eat before I go to work for a couple of hours.

Jen, I'm going to try to get into your myspace link.

Wish me luck.

Okay That was scary!! I feel like a country girl in the city for the first time...............depressing!!!

I tried to send a message & stuff but it says I have to be loggin in.

Do I need to make a myspace just to log in cause I don't see that happening anytime soon?

If not, is there a quick & easy log in page.

Well, if you can let me know. If not I can always email you the normal way or just call you if you like.

Up to u. just let me know.

I'm going to work soon. After I log out---I'll log back in in about 3 or 4 hours.

Diane

Hi Jen....makes me so mad to hear stories like that...I would have done the same in your situation and wow...probably alot more..his bags would have been packed let me tell you....the fact that he is lying to the point of saying that YOU have to trust him and not check up on him ...he is playing with your head, making you confused and making you doubt your intelligence...and then threaten you with him leaving?? I would have said, the door is wide open honey....I'll give you a hand...guys like that never expect a woman to do that...and when it happens it is worth to see that look...