WAX is not your Friend. All hair removal methods have tricked women
with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady,
scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any
other normal weeknight.
Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few
hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It
was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it
be? I mean, I am not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined
enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
kicks in so get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax, "yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold
the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it was not the
best feeling, but it was not too bad. I can do this! Hair removal
no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair
and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip, I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right
side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and
stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long
strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I am blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. ****!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is
swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back
to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one
that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax.
****! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the
next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the
toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!!
I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to
figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get
the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!
I will run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can
gently wipe it off,
right??? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly
hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize
surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom
of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt
cold wax?
So, now I am stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely,
she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are
glued together to the bottom of the tub!"


There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!!Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax
off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I am pretty sure I am going to need Post-Traumatic St ress
counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do
I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!


The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of
my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!!
It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she
hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....! THE HAIR IS STILL
THERE...ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I am numb by now. Nothing
hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next
week I am going to try hair color...... Now that's funny.......
Notttttttttt

ROTLFMAO

good one.

That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time !!! Great way to start off the new year eh?

How is it that we can send a man to the moon but there is still no painless way to remove hair!?!?!

now that may have been a joke? was it?
either way, wether it was or not, just to say"don't try smshy's experiment at home"

LOL

but for those who may not know how to remove wax from your skin in case that would ever happen, don't use HOT WATER. LOL

baby oil, any oil you have will remove it.

but all you ladies knew that already right?

LMAO I get my eyebrows waxed and while it may be a bit uncomfortable, it's worth it. However, I do not get the down below waxed

Gee...to be glad or not so glad that my mother was an amazon.

Thank god I never tried to wax on my own as a child...that could have been me.

You don't happen to have a video of this do you??

Now why on earth would a woman put hot wax in that region...
Unless you're getting paid $500 p/hr plus tip..

And women think men do stupid stuff...hahahahaha

Women are so funny...makes the lay-over on this planet worth it...

hannasboy

does that mean you enjoy hairy women?

He's just doing anthropological research until the spaceship comes back for him

Oh my goodness..
I read this with my jaw dropped the whole time holding my breath for you!
I sure hope your um..who-ha is feeling better. Thats definatley the first time I've ever said that before.

Sarah, I will pray for your hoo haa.

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
Sarah, I will pray for your hoo haa.

That may very well be the only prayer of that kind God has ever heard. LMBO

That's hilarious and painful all at the same time. Not sure where you got that from, but all I can say is..OUCH. Glad I don't wax.

I think since she's away...I might share....that I don't believe it was Sarah's who-haa involved in the story...but that it probably needs all the prayer it can get.


ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by normajean-sugar:

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
Sarah, I will pray for your hoo haa.

That may very well be the only prayer of that kind God has ever heard. LMBO

Well...probably not since I pray for who-ha everyday...
I worship the who-ha....
On my knees.....ALL HAIL THE WHO-HA.....
Who-Ha Who-Ha Who-Ha Ha Ha....

Miranda....No I don't like hairy women but isn't that what they make razors for..
I hate shaving too but I wouldn't pour hot wax on my face....
Let alone down there....not even for a buck...5 bucks maybe....OUCH....

Bin....and it won't get here any too soon for me.....

Omg you guys are just too funny!

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
He's just doing anthropological research until the spaceship comes back for him

Lmao

LOL hannasboy yes they do make razors for that. Myself personally i don't like the itchiness after, nor the red bumps...

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
Damn always a day late and a dollar short. How could I have been getting my kids to bed and loading the dishwasher while the "hoo haa" discussion went South for the winter. Um....nevermind. lol

Seriously I'm laughing harder at all these lovely people praying for your "hoo haa" than when I read the story to begin with. I have to leave the room now so I don't wake Ryan up with my hysterical laughter.

Girl...I was praying for her poor hoo haa long before this was posted. We'll just consider this thread its own "rain dance".

WTH!?!?! I get offline and end up falling asleep on the couch and here's what happens to my thread? LMAO

NO, it's not about my whooha. You all would have known about this sooner cause I would have called BAmy and she would have been the histerical friend on the other line. I actually dont wax down there but shaving is a must for this lady.

ANYWAY . . . I"m glad you all got a great laugh out of this

Sorry, still praying for your hoo ha (note the correct spelling)