Three months ago my son and I moved in with the person I have been dating. They have a wonderful relationship with each other and I am completly comfortable with their interaction. We have a major problem though. My son has been so use to sleeping with me in my bed that he doesn't want to sleep by himself. It has gotten so bad that last night after being told to get in his own bed four different times, he got his blanket and pillow and crawled into our room so that we couldn't see him. When we woke up, he was asleep on the floor. I have no idea how to handle this. We have tried incentives and alternating bed schedules. I am at a loss right now.

How old is your son,

He is 4, he will be five in August. I have been very particular about who I have had around him since his fahter and I have separated. I have had other relationships, but the only time they stayed the whole evening in my home, he would be visiting his grandmother. I know it is an adjustment for him, however we have been going through this for almost six months now. We started by sleeping in spearate beds and then all three of us would sleep together, and then we went to every other night. We tried to make the change gradual so he would not feel left out. But now that it needs to be an evey night occurance not for my relationship, but for him, it's an everynight sturggle. He will be starting school in the fall and I don't want him to be on our schedule when that happens. And the only time I have to get alone time is when he is asleep so it it like I have no time to breath.

I had a simular problem with my daughter although her problems were induced by an illness from birth til she was 2.5 which meant she could not be left alone/insupervised. Anyway the battle commenced when she was 3 and probably took a further 6 months to sort out.

I have to say I have a bit of sympathy for your child, and you will have to take responsability for allowing him to sleep with you( when you wanted the company) now is not the right time to change things for him - the right time commence such a big change would have been 3 to 4 months before you moved in with your boyfriend - I would suggest that you make up a spare bed in your room and put jr to bed at a reasonable time - giving you adult time downstairs - after a few weeks of establishing a bed time routine start picking jr from the small bed putting him in his bedroom when you go to bed - giving you some 'bed time' he will probably wake up and make his way back into his 'spare bed' let him for a while - eventually he will sleep through the night in his own bed accidentally if nothing else- when this happen make a fuss of him and let him pick a treat- throughout this time do not allow him to sleep in your bed no matter how much fuss he makes (and he will)sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind - you have taught him to only sleep with you next to him - I bought my daughter a kitten and the kitten/cat then slept in with her for company when she moved fully to her 'big girl room' if she tried to revert back to my room I would explain that the cat would be lonely without her and it couldn't sleep in my room as I had an alergy (I didn't really)If you can't get her a cat, a hamster would do or even goldfish in her room. Because you are in a new environment and you have already changed his usual home set up, her relationship with you will have changed since the move and she is having to share you more I would allow him to share your bedroom for a while yet (not your bed)or he may withdraw into himself.

Good luck and I hope in 6months things are sorted.

Try weening him off slowly. What I did really worked. I told my lil one.."How bout WE sleep in your room tonight. I would put her in bed, lay next to her, and actually go to sleep. This works great. Even when the bed was so small, I would sleep on the floor next to her bed...after a story book, of course. Make the child feel comfortable in his/her bed/bedroom. After a couple days, or a week, depending....you should be ok. Let him/her sleep, and get up to your own bed, but only after a few days of pairing it up in the childs room. And if by chance the child wakes up..i.e..middle of the night, morning, tell him or her, that you just went to the bathroom, or was time to get up to make breakfast...(depending on what time it is)Just always have a reason....they're to impressionable to realize exactly whats happening...specially if you comfort him/her from a crying spell from waking up. You're significant other will have to suffer a lil, but its worth it in the long run.....

I agree with Caley, you really should have started that 3 to 4 months before moving in. I use to have that problem with my girls too. I slowly made them start to sleep in their own bed put a night light in their rooms and made sure they were really tired when they went to bed to ensure they slept all night.

I know exactly how you feel! My 2 oldest boys were allowed to sleep with me up until they were around 3/4 years old. The oldest wasn't as hard to get into his own bed. But I would wake up in the morning and find the youngest snuggled up to me. I sat him down and told him that he was a big boy now and he needed to start sleeping in his own bed. I took him to Wal-Mart (what child or adult doesn't love Wal-Mart?!?) and told him he could pick out big-boy sheets of his very own. I developed a bedtime routine (which helped a great deal once the oldest started school) and got him to going to sleep in his own bed. I would still wake up at least around 2am and find him in my bed but quietly take him back to his own and again in the morning he somehow snuck back in but I would just take him back once again get ready for work and then go wake the boys up and make a big deal that he slept in his bed all night!!! I congratualated him and told him how proud I was and that he was becoming a big boy now. After about 2 weeks of this he slept in his own bed. It's a hard thing to do and let them know that they are still important to you and it was hard for me cause kids are the best snugglers! But it's also hard to have alone time with a child between you and your partner! I can only tell you to stick with it and don't let up. Eventually they will stay in their own bed. Good Luck!

Hey-- Things can get better. How old is your son? Even at an early age you can use my technique. It works well now but, it takes more than a few days. I started a program called The Voucher System. Found it on-line one day. Offer your son a number of points for going to bed in his room. I started with 500 points because to me it was worth it. You also take away points for ending up in your room or whining over it. Tell him at the end of the week that you are going to add up (and deduct) the points he earned and lost to see how many points he can spend. For example, Some of the vouchers are for spending time with you alone or with your significant other. Or if he saves up enough you guys can go to the movies or spend 5-10 dollars at the toy store. the sky is the limit. It really works. Sarah is now in her bed each night without a problem. She wants points and loves to use them. If you want to know more e-mail me or look up The Voucher System on the internet. I was very impressed with my results. I really have changed the whining and also spending has decreased because they have to earn it!!! I hope this helps.. TraceyB. Good Luck

I have to agree with Jack, try laying down with you son before in his own room. This is a big adjustment to him and he might feel like your boyfriend is taking you away from him. I know that when my boyfriend moved in with me and my son, he was starving for my attention because it was hard for him to share me because he never had to before. What you might want to do that works for me is give him mommy time. My son has a sticker chart that he has to complete ever night. He has to eat dinner, clean his room, take a bath, brush his teeth, and put his pajamas on. He gets a sticker for each thing that he does and once he is all done with those things he gets mommy time. I drop everything that I am doing and spend time with him, either to read a book or play a game, whatever he wants. The thing is that he has to do all this stuff before his bed time at 9:00. If he finishes everything on the list at 8:00 he gets an hour of mommy time. This way he determines how much time we spend together and he feels special. This doesn't mean that your boyfriend can't be involved in that time too because you want him to be part of your son's life, but it is mostly a time to focus on your son. He needs to know that you are not replacing him. Good luck.

I did the same as Jack. I go in and lie down with him in his room. We just had some real bad times for awhile, well, actually for most of his life, and he's always had a hard time sleeping thru the night. He's 3 now. I've been struggling with bedtime with this kid since he was born. ( my 5-month sleeps better and longer than the 3 yr old. Go figure)A couple of times when he's just really had a bad night I've put him to bed alone. Our place isn't very big.I can see in his room by the kitchen and he really didn't scream ( he really can scream like a girl when he puts his mind to it) for as long as I would have suspected. About 10 min. He would scream for an hour before. But he doesn't have the stess he used to either.