I offered to buy my son 5 new summer outfits, sandels, and a spring jacket which I said I'll send to the ex's parent's place by the end of May and I also offered to buy him 5 new school outfits, nice sneakers, and a winter jacket.. I'm not full of money, I'm still in school and living off of unemployment which isn't much. But I'm willing to go without things so my son has clothes. I thought my ex would be impressed.. What was I thinking? lol.. She said that the money I send her isn't enough anymore and if I have all this money to buy our son Christmas presents, Easter presents, and clothes then I should have no problem sending her extra money because she's moving to a bigger and nicer apartment and is buying all new furniture and needs more money and that is more important then clothes.

I don't know.. is it just me or should clothing for our son be more important? he would use the new furniture too i guess but I don't feel right telling my fiance she can't get her hair cut or buy any summer clothes because I'm giving my ex money for new furniture.. I feel like I'm being selfish but she already has furniture.. I want to buy my son Christmas presents and clothes ect.. and she doesn't want me to she said just send money instead.. I'm kind of heartbroken because I put a lot of thought into those presents and i really thought she would be happy with me for offering to help with clothes I wish I could just please everyone.

You are great to offer so much! Don't let your ex say anything otherwise, and don't let her push you into getting more and more. Just do what you can and what you are comfortable with. Pay any court-ordered child support--your ex can't argue for anything more than that, and quite frankly would be getting more than a lot of other single parents--and then have fun with anything else you want to provide for your son.

Having been a stepmother, I want to add that even though your fiance may think she knows what she is getting into, and she is (I assume) supportive of you pursuing a relationship with your son, and supporting him financially, it's a very fine line between support and resentfulness. It sounds selfish, but you really need to nurture that relationship too. It's OK.

Gen,

I tried to tell him earlier in an older post. It really sounds like his ex is taking him for a ride and telling him to take a walk off a short pier.

My fiance is very supportive.. I really can't afford to buy all those clothes so when she's working this summer she offered to buy him his winter jacket, sneakers, and pay for all his school supplies. My son is going to need school clothes, which would save my ex money if we bought some of them but she is telling me to send more money to her instead.. I'm thinking that she isn't going to put the extra money toward our son. She says him having a roof over his head is more important then clothes and shoes but I think that if she can't afford to put a roof over his head she shouldn't be moving to a more expensive place and buying all new furniture.. she said she's spending at least $3000 on furniture. She said that a babysitter is going to cost her 400-600 $ a month and I offered to move closer to her and babysit him so she wouldn't have to pay a penny but she said thats a bad idea it wouldn't be good for him to see me, it would be much better if I just payed for the babysitter. Her boyfriend is moving in with her too but she never even let me fiance meet my son. I only make $1400 I really don't have $600 for a babysitter plus childsupport.. that would give me less then 700 a month to live off of and my rent is 700 and it is the cheapest place I can find. I don't know what to do with her.. she is making it so hard for me to do anything.. she doesn't even want me sending him Christmas presents she wants the money instead.. my son is too young to understand money I want him to have something to open up from me.

and my fiance can only work in the summer because she's going to university to become a RN and I %100 support her in getting as much education as she can.

quote:

I offered to move closer to her and babysit him so she wouldn't have to pay a penny but she said thats a bad idea it wouldn't be good for him to see me, it would be much better if I just payed for the babysitter

WHAT???

She will not let me see him. I was 17 when she got pregnant I made some mistakes got my life back together a few years ago but she doesn't care.. I was always good to my son and I would be even better now but she doesn't care, she doesn't want me around.

Sounds to me as though you need to get some court things involved or changed if they were already involved. This is ******** and I think you really need to take some affirmative action on this. She cant hold him from you forever, especially if you have your life together. If you are willing to help and offering these things, then . . . I say do what you can. KEEP A LOG OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by joecandy22:
She will not let me see him. I was 17 when she got pregnant I made some mistakes got my life back together a few years ago but she doesn't care.. I was always good to my son and I would be even better now but she doesn't care, she doesn't want me around.

ok, define for me "I made some mistakes"

I cheated on her.. I use to smoke weed too but I really don't think that thats what was bothering her. She was jealous of my new girlfriend. Her boyfriends would be over everyday with MY son but she didn't want me there and my girlfriend wasn't allowed to ever meet him. So I stopped going there.. all she did was demand I give her my whole check and leave, she hated me seeing my son and made me sit in her living room with her parents and boyfriend watching my everymove.. I couldn't even take him out on the step.. It was awful, I felt like everyone hating me and wanted me gone so thats what I did.. I NEVER should have done that but I was 18 and honestly believed that if I got my life together she would let me see him without her whole family being there. I got act together and she still wants nothing to do wih me and I think my son is suffering for it.

So then basically she is being selfish and vindictive. Take her @ss to court. If you are already paying child support, providing other things for your son, and have been asking for visitation, then I dont see why the court wouldn't give you some sort of visitation. Although I can say that if she tries some evil things then you may have to jump through some hoops.

Custody battles can be nasty but if you really want to see your son, then you should put 100% effort into it and starting with the court would be a good step.