My daughter is only 3 weeks and 2 days old. I still haven't talked to her father. I know he wants a paternity test. A giant waste of our time and his money.. But whatever he's scared and needs it written in black and white that he has a daughter now.. But every time I think about it, I just wonder how it really will effect her to not have her father in her life? It really worries me to think about how it could effect her... It kinda kills me a little inside... Should I be as worried as I am? Anyone have any advice or thoughts for me? I would appreciate it.

I wanted to say welcome first off!!!!

I am sorry I don't have much advice for you. However you are not alone. There are lots of Mom's and Dad's raising kids on there own. They all do a wonderful job and most of the good ones are here lol....I am sure someone can give you some support. I hope you stick around this is a great place to be.

In a perfect world a child would have two loving parents under the same roof caring for and loving them...
But we don't live in a perfect world and guess what....thats o.k. your daughter has you.
So stop worrying about her and stop worrying about him being a parent and focus on that precious 3 week gift you have to love and she will more than return the love. A child can grow and love and be just fine with only one parent. Fact is if he's not interested in being a parent she is better off without him. My daughter hasn't seen her mother for a year now and she is just fine without her....actually she is better off without her.

So smile and be happy and enjoy the love.
And hang around here and you'll find lots of great friends and support. It's a great place.

And now I sound like a commercial for SFV.....

I have two kids that have never seen their fathers, both left me before I was even showing. Both kids are well adjusted and happy, they are 13 (boy) and 9 (girl). They both do well in school and make friends well. I live with my mother now, but before I did, the kids were still happy and well adjusted. I think not seeing their dads, not constantly being disappointed because they broke promises or whatever has helped them more than anything. They have everything they need from me and my mom, a stable home enviornment, love, disapline, consequenses and as much fun as we can fit in in a day. Just love your daughter, that is all she really needs. Trust me!

My daughter is 3 and has never seen her father, nor will she ever for circumstances that I wont go into. She is happy, well-adjusted and doesn't really know any different. She knows that her friends have daddies and I think she knows the concept of one. She has other male figures in her life -i.e. my brothers and my dad, so she's fine.

Kids will grow up with issues whether they have two parents or just one, just different issues. Everyone has them.

Things will be fine

Thanks you guys. I'm just worried and scared. I never thought I'd be in the situation I am.. And I guess I had it somewhere in my mind that things would be different once she was born.. And now I'm really trying to deal with the fact that he probably will never see her...

I was scared and still am about some things but look at it this way: you have her all to yourself! You dont have to share her with anyone! She is all yours. You get to make the decisions, you get to raise her how you want without a fight from someone else and most importantly . . . all her love is for you!

Hi Candie. don't worry. I know where you are at. I'm 5 months pregnant and my child will never see her father. I've come to the truth of it and dealt with it and am ok with it somewhat now (when my hormones are going crazy) lol. You have started dealing with it by coming to the right place. I can't explain to you how much this place (SFV) has helped me. If i hadn't have found this I would probably be just a total mess right now. When you are feeling lonely, down, crazy, etc etc come here and vent there is always someone that will make you feel better. Just know that your baby will love you no matter what and be proud of you when she gets older knowing what a strong person you are for taking care of her by yourself.

Hi Candie!!!

I am in a similar situtation as you. My daughters father has been in and out of her life since she was born. (We split up when I was 5 months pregnant) For the last 2 yrs he has not seen or spoken to her. I to was worried about the effects of no father, but I would have to agree with everyone here. Just love her and do your best....that's all anyone can do.

Fortunatley it is what it is.

By the way what part of Maine do you live in. As you can see i am from the greater Portland area.

Hi I'm new to this SFV! Wish I would have known about it before! I have a 6 month old baby and a loser husband who left us high and dry. . . .


I'm venting!

Vent more Mia&Josie! I know you have more to say and this is the place to say it!

Hi Candie,

I am new here but saw your post and wanted to respond.

I have an almost 8 month old baby girl... whose father is involved in a very limited way right now. Because of the circumstances under which I became pregnant- I chose to limit ALL of his contact with her. He wants to be involved... more because he wants control of her life and my decisions in her life than that he actually wants to just get to know her and be with her.

Anyhow, I wanted to let you know that there was a time when I chose whether or not to even tell him I was pregnant. I chose to. To be perfectly honest with you, I wish I hadn't. Not that I regret it (I try not to have regrets in life)... but if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have told him.

I worried about the same thing as you at the time- how would not having a father around affect her life. I grew up mostly without a father, and it DID hurt me in life. I had my father in my life for 5 years (my parents divorced when I was 5), and then my dad was in and out of my life and still is today. I hear from him every few years. NOW- I know there is a difference between not having a father and not having a father present most of the time.

Raising my daughter now, I don't think she'd miss out on much of anything without her dad in her life. In fact, I suspect it will only make things more complicated for her to have him in her life but only in a very limited degree. He is not a bad father, in fact- he is really really good with her. But, he is only good with her for what it provides him- a sense of security, connection, and a focus for his life(he has said many times that now he lives FOR her). While that's all great and all, his feeling wonderful about having a daughter to live for really doesn't do much for her. It's hard to explain- but when his actions and behavior with her are boiled down it appears that in end- he does everything for him to feel good and not for her.

I don't know the circumstances of your situation with your daughter and her father. I don't know if he wants to be involved and you are avoiding him or if it's that he hasn't tried to contact you since having her or whatever... If he is the one trying not to be involved- then i would say go it alone... your daughter will do wonderfully with your love and guidance. Whatever you decide- be very careful and be wise with your decisions regarding her and her father. Anything you decide to do or not to will affect her the rest of her life. But, you already know that... you're a momma! Congrats on your little one!
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Hey thanks everyone for the replies. I actually have some happier news to update. The father's father came to visit us. Him, his girlfriend, and the father's brother and sister all came to meet the lil one. It was nice. The brought her some clothes and diapers. They were very apologetic. And they all loved my baby girl. Who wouldn't?
But yea I guess I didn't explain my whole situation really.. I meet the father last summer. We were really just hanging out and having a good time. I found out I was pregnant the week before he went back to college. The first thing he did was drive me back to the doctors to sign me up for an abortion... While I am pro-life.. He pretty much yelled at me for a week before having his mother call me and tell me to leave him alone. Since then I've talked to him once, a couple of months ago. He was decent to me. But he pretty much wants to deny us as long as he can. And after all the **** he's pulled it's very doubtful he'll ever be involved... And mind you she's now almost 5 weeks old and I still haven't heard from the a-hole...
Whackedwooly, I'm in the Augusta area.