I am a single parent of two small children and last year I had to move back home with one child and another on the way. It has been a living nightmare. My parents dont understand that it is hard being a single working parent. They want me to be a maid to them and to my children. I have tried to explain to them that most of my time is spent with the children from the time I walk into the door until they go to bed at 8:30pm. I have discovered that I need to clean house after the children are in the bed sleep. This means that I spend the rest of my evening cleaning house after spending 1 hour trying to recopperate from a busy day at the office. We seem to have these talks where I ask them for help with the children and their comment seems to be No !!! If you had listened to your parents you would not have them and be in our house. Now its to the point where they want me out. But I dont make enough money to pay rent, childcare, buy food, and clothing for me or the children. My parents seemt to think I am taking advantage of them. My parents are so disappointed in me that they refuese to assist me with the children. I am becoming more and more fustrated as time goes by living in there house but I dont see a way out. My job is stressful enough and I dont feel that I need to come home and here how I did not do this or that. I currently fall into times of depression. Where I cant stop crying, I think about running away from home and living the children. I cant even get out of the bed in the morning. Please give me some advice to help.null[EMAIL]null[/EMAIL]

Hi! Gee, you're really in a situation that probably i myself wouldnt really know what to do. Well, am a mom of 2 kids also and been separated with my husband for 4 years now. Been working my ass out also for the family but the difference is that i have my mom to at least look after my boy whose 4 yrs old and my 8 year old girl is already taking care of herself. Believe me, i know the feeling. Its like you're living and dying at the same time. Got a full time and a part time job as well to sustain rent, food, etc and have not been having even a good 3 hr sleep everyday. Never that i lost hope though, because for me things will pass. It wont be raining everyday in your life. Girl, dont worry, things will come in good soon. Lord wont give you anything you cant handle. Just have faith and never fail to pray.

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Originally posted by mommyoftwo2:
[qb]I am a single parent of two small children and last year I had to move back home with one child and another on the way. It has been a living nightmare. My parents dont understand that it is hard being a single working parent. They want me to be a maid to them and to my children. I have tried to explain to them that most of my time is spent with the children from the time I walk into the door until they go to bed at 8:30pm. I have discovered that I need to clean house after the children are in the bed sleep. This means that I spend the rest of my evening cleaning house after spending 1 hour trying to recopperate from a busy day at the office. We seem to have these talks where I ask them for help with the children and their comment seems to be No !!! If you had listened to your parents you would not have them and be in our house. Now its to the point where they want me out. But I dont make enough money to pay rent, childcare, buy food, and clothing for me or the children. My parents seemt to think I am taking advantage of them. My parents are so disappointed in me that they refuese to assist me with the children. I am becoming more and more fustrated as time goes by living in there house but I dont see a way out. My job is stressful enough and I dont feel that I need to come home and here how I did not do this or that. I currently fall into times of depression. Where I cant stop crying, I think about running away from home and living the children. I cant even get out of the bed in the morning. Please give me some advice to help.null[EMAIL]null[/EMAIL]

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i understand your situation. I have been there, and sort of still there. It is frustrating, hurtful, depressing and lonely. And no one can really understand it unless you are in it! It is very easy for others to say move out, but don't they know if you could afford to you would? they say be grateful your parents took you in... but at what cost? loss of parental control, loss of dignity (you are expected to do what they want you to do when they want you to do it even if you have something important to do for yourself or your children), loss of finances, BAD CREDIT ( you are expected to pay for everything, bills, food, leisure for your parents in addition to you bills and food for your children)even when you don't have it, otherwise it becomes an argument.and forget about sleep or personal time between working full time and taking care of my kids and my mothers needs(wants) So what do u do?? I had to do it for over 10 years, now i am very bitter, frustrated and angry.Believe me i understand your situation. My advice get out before this situation rob you of your joy and happiness, before your body breaks down, before your mind gets full of things to do, before you it affects your kids, before you get damaged. Find someone to talk to, take time out for you.

Have you checked into section 8 and child care assitance?

maybe mommy of two can take advantage of section 8 and childcare assistance, but i live and work in nyc i dont qualify for anything and can afford even less... I am what the gov't calls middle class!too much income for assistance , not enough income to survive!ooh i'd better not do too much overtime then uncle sam will get me again in April.

There are 2 sides to the story here though and both your parents and you need to walk in each others' shoes for a day to see things from a more realistic point of view.

I sense your parents are generally mad at you because they wanted better for you and now they feel like they need to take care of you and your child. They feel like you owe them for them having to rescue you from making a mistake they feel you shouldn't have made.

Then we have your point of view, you are trying your best to do what you can for your child and yourself and your parents are holding against you that which can not be changed. It is in the past whether they like it or not it is reality and they must learn to accept the fact you have a child and are trying to better your life for your child.

My guess, if they work you as hard as you can handle, then you won't go out on dates and eventually have more children. Maybe I am way off base but sometimes trying to put yourself in their shoes would help you to understand why they do what they do.

So now when you go talk to them, instead of trying to get them to babysit or lay off the cleaning, first talk to them about what happened and what you could have done better. Then educate them on your personal goals and how you are going to get there. After that you can ask them if they are willing to help you with your goals and if they do, how!

Going down this road tells them you are not a child and are trying to be a good mother to your child. Even though you are doing everything for your child, as a parent it is hard to your child ever "GROWN UP" and because of this they still will treat you like a child not even realizing it sometimes. So this approach my help to better your situation and actually help them to understand what you aare going through, the struggles you are having, so they can walk a mile in your shoe.

I am not saying either side is right because no point of view is ever wrong or right, but people based their decisions on their point of view so sometimes persuading someone with a kind conversation works. If it doesn't then I would work from there but it wouldn't hurt to try. Fighting with them though would only confirm their feeling and lead to less likeliness of tem listening to you reason with them, just a heads up.

Dear Mom,

When I left my husband 8 mos prego and moved back home w/ mom, yeah, it's a HUGE change.

Glenn raised some very valid points.

May I suggest you contact your state aid office. You may qualify for food stamps, cash assistance, etc. Get the paperwork and take home to read through. If this is not possible, ask for another appointment. Time to talk to your parents.

They will ask about your living situtation, you tell them how you prepare your meals separate from your parents, how much your day care is, you pay half of utilities, rent, etc.

Before talking with your parents, do a finance sheet that lists what you make and what you pay out. When you speak to your parents offer to pay rent (if you don't already).

Make a second sheet breaking down your normal day and activities. Show them that you are willing to do things, but that it's important to you to have your children succeed in school/development/etc and that you need to be there for them as they were for you.

Acknowledge that it is not the "ideal situation" that they were hoping for you but your confident about making it through this tough time and that you would prefer to have their help in a positive manner.

If they see you taking on a "grown up" approach they may bend a little more and see things from both sides.

Good luck and I hope all works out.

Caitlin

Hello mommyoftwo2,
I am new to single parents online as of 10 minutes ago. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. You can't give up because your children need you. I have two sons and at one point i had to move back home with my parents for 3 yars while i worked and went to school. it was hard for me to listen to my parents and take care of my children but I did what i had to do to make things work out for me and my family. When i had the opportunity to move in an 2 bedroom apt that ran by my income and a girlfriend of mines referred me and gave me a good reference to the landlord. I was patient but at times yes it was very stressful. What you can do right now is PRAY for you and your family for things to get better and THANK God at all times. I apologize if you follow a different religion. ALso look into subsidizing daycare where you can get daycare services and the state pays a portion and you pay the rest for childcare services.If you don't mind me asking what's your age?

mommyoftwo2,
Please know you are not alone, we are all in similar positions. I don't live with my parents but they certainly drive me insane. I will be thinking of you!!!

Mommyoftwo2, are you still here? And are you still in Bowie, MD?

Dear mommyoftwo2,I dont know how to say but I can feel as you. You'd better stay with ur parents at present. In the meantime, you may ask help from some child support. I do believe yr parents will not drive you away after all u are their daughter. Good luck!

Hello,,
Im new to this site.
I will like to know if maybe you guys can give me a word of advice. Im a single parent of 3 live in the Sunshine state which by the way I dont see the it that way anymore. My X has ruined my life, my name and all you can think of.
I will like to know if you know of anywhere you can get help for daycare, babysitter etc.
I do not get childsupport its strickly based on my salary which is not enought for all the bills my x used to help taking the children but today he left me dressed ready to go to work and called me that as of today he will no longer be able to help me I had to call out sick today so I can think what can I do? Do any of you happen to know any kind of assistant that may be out there?

I would really appreciate it.
thanks

Slsalvr, try posting this on the Florida Forum. You may have better results.


momof2, I understand you also. But don't take for granted what you have. What if you give them a realistic date that you can move out. Even if its in a year tell them you are working on it and will be out by "X" date. Make sure its realistic for you though. I know is hard to live day to day with a guilt trip or an ultimatum hanging over your head. Also express to them that you are not taking advantage of them you are just trying to make sure that their grandchildren are secure. Be sure to make them aware that its not about you. Its about them and I'm sure that is part of why they allowed you to move back.

Yes you can look into government assistance but try to save first. I now it would just be easiest to move out and reclaim your life, butg take the help while you have it and be wise about it. Prepare for you and your childrens future while you are there. I know they are saying that yuou should have listened to them but no ones perfect and your children their grandchildren are no mistake. So since they are your parents and love you let them know you are trying your best and will be out by " xyz"-whatever realistic date you choose.

Make sure you save through all of this so that you will eventually be able to move to your own place. I do pretty well for myself and could use assistance with the baby but the government thinks I'm 'sitting pretty'. That middle class status will do you in every time. Get secure and get out so that you can live your life with out feeling like there are strings attached or feeling bad about infringing on your parents. Have a talk with them...see how it goes. Good Luck!