Hi!

Sorry this is a little bit lenghthy...my name's Krissy, I'm 25 and my daughter Natalie is almost 4 months old. Natalie was born 9 weeks premature, so the last few months have been really tough. With her in the hospital for 5 weeks and all of the dr. visits, medications, monitors, worrying(!)...it's been really tough. She's doing so much better now, and we're both adjusting to life a little bit since things have calmed down. Unfortunately, now that the stress has been reduced, I'm more free to think about her father and that mess.

Natalie's father and I were never really a couple--I met him while traveling abroad and we kept in touch and traveled back and forth to see each other from New York to London a few times. We called and e-mailed a lot, and it was casual but fun. He had recently been divorced after an 8 year marriage that ended badly (she left him and he was devastated) so I think he was glad to have someone else to think about. It was always a nice escape from reality since we'd spend 4 days or so together just having no worries and no attachments. But on my last trip to London, I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. At first he was supportive and we discussed options...how he could be involved, to what extent, what it meant for the baby, etc. A month before Natalie was born, he began to withdraw, and one day after a month of no word, he sent an e-mail basically saying that he didn't want to be involved with the baby. It hurt, but I accepted it and focused on the baby.

When Natalie was born so early, I was afraid something might happen to her so I asked my sister to send him an e-mail to let him know what happened just in case. He was very responsive and called me in the hospital, seemed concerned, asked if I minded that he come to see the baby. I told him that he could, in time, once things calmed a bit. Well, after she came home, we started talking more often and he decided to come in April. He seemed excited about the trip, saying he couldn't wait to see both of us, and that was surprising. Maybe I read too much into it.

Last week was the first time he met his daughter, and it was SO strange. I had been secretly angry at him for so long and yet when I saw him, all of these emotions came rushing to the surface and I didn't know how to handle them. THings were awkward, but he left on a good note, calling me from the cab to the airport saying he would call as soon as he got home to talk more about it, so glad he came, etc.

Well, a week later I still haven't heard from him! I sent him an e-mail the night he left explaining my confused feelings about him and the situation, and maybe it scared him, but I had to be honest about how I felt or it would eat me up. We text messaged the other night and he seemed grumpy, and mentioned something about how I clearly don't think much of him...I guess I said some things in the e-mail that bothered him. Anyway, I was hoping he'd call for Mother's Day, but he didn't and I was devestated. But now that I think of it, maybe I am expecting too much. After all, he really didn't want to be involved, and coming here was a big step and maybe he just can't deal with me spilling my feelings. It's not about him and me, it's about him and her, right? I feel stupid for being so open with him, and for expecting more than I should, but I can't help but feel this strange connection to him, this weird love since he is the father of the little girl I adore. How do I handle this? AM I wrong to expect more from him? I can't help my disappointment, but maybe I just need to let it go and focus on her, not him, although it is SO hard to do this. Can I really go through this each time he visits?

My daughters dad and I did NOT end on such good terms. We had been dating for almost a year when I found out that he had been seeing my "best" friend behind my back. It was very casual and hardly anything. I know because I got a full confession from her.

Anyway. He left after school to go home for the summer and never came back. I found out last summer that he had a new daughter with his girlfriend from high school in June of last year, which if you do the math, meant that he got her pregnant while we were dating. Classy guy.

Anyway. I got pregnant in April of last year but I didn't find out until September. I had my daughter in December and unless he found out through word of mouth from our mutual friends, he doesn't know. I figured it would be better not to even bother him with it seeing that he was probably busy raising his OTHER daughter. I debated for a long time on whether or not to tell him and I think I made a good choice. I'd rather not have him involved at all than to have him coming in and out of our lives and having to explain to my daughter that her mom was totally stupid and made a gigantic mistake and that Daddy cant be here for her 6th birthday for whatever reason.

My point is, it may be hard to do, but I would not expect anything from him at all. That way wher you get nothing from him, you wont be disappointed. And if he does do something, it will be a pleasant surprise.