I am a single mom and I work 50+ hours per week at home. My 19 month old son is in a great daycare 4 days a week, 8 hours a day. The rest of the time it is just me and him.

I have a supportive family, but they are all out of state and I only have one friend in the area.

I feel like I am being a bad mom because I get so impatient with my son. He just wants me to play with him. read to him, pay attention to him at every moment and I have so much to do and then sometimes I just want a minute for myself. (Even as I write this I know I sound selfish.)

I do not believe in spanking, but sometimes I wonder if my constant impatience and irritation with him is any less harmful!!! I love him and want to be the best mom I can but I have no energy or patience. At this very moment I put him in the crib because he threw something valuable and I got mad. But I know he was only trying to get my attention.

How can I stop my impatience and be the kind of mom they describe in all the parenting books (or at least close!)? Really, I am so guilty, stressed, tired . . .

Welcome to the forum. If only life were perfect....and our children were perfect....and especially that we were perfect as parents. But we're all human.
I see it like this, you already recognize what's going on and that in itself is a big thing. Now you can start working on that as you go, try a HUGE deep breath or count to 10 when you are feeling that way. Just telling yourself that you will do better and try those things should help. It's not an easy thing working full time and being the only parent there with the child. We can't "tag team" the attention that a child will desire. Plus I also happen to think that it's a good idea for the child to learn to be "self entertaining" as well at times, because even in the most ideal of circumstances we just can't be "on" for them all the time.
As for the parenting books.....sorry I've never read them.

welcome to SFV.

I can say that I have been EXACTLY where you are. That age is a demanding one and I remember being so frustrated with my daughter at times==like my blood would boil. I have two suggestions for you.

1. Take time for you. I know when you have a lot to do and a kid to take care of and not alot of money, etc.... This sounds like "Oh ya, that'd be great if only..." But it really is so important. Even an hour or two a week to go out and do something just for you will replenish you a little bit. And you can't do all the things you need to do without replenishing yourself a little bit. I had a friend with a child similar age and we would switch off watching each others kids for a few hours. When it was my turn I'd go to a coffee shop or a movie, or wander around the mall or a manicure. You get the idea.

2. Make a point of spending some time with your son where you give him all the attention he needs. Try to break the cycle of him always demanding attention and you always trying to apease him quickly. Sit down and play a game, go to the park, etc... Give him your undivided attention for periods of time each day.

This does two things: It fulfills his need for attention (not entirely). And you can say to yourself... "I've given him the attention he needs today, and now he can be patient while I..."

I hope this helps. Stick around here. there's lots of good people.

Don and Missabbi -

Thank you so much for reponding. I am just feeling so isolated.

I like the idea of taking a deep breath and counting to ten. (I probably should have thought of that, but, well, I didn't).

And Missabbi I also really like the idea of a set time where we play together. For his sake of course, but then also so I can say to myself, "See, you are being a good mom."

And thanks for mentioning that your daughter at that age made your "blood boil". That is exactly how I feel! And I am feeling like I shouldn't feel that way with a young child. So it is good to know I am not the only one. . .

I think the hardest thing about being a single parent is not having someone there to laugh at their cute moments, and commiserate when they are being annoying.

I think this board is really a great board. Single parents need a board to sound off on and also it is not like a lot of internet boards where people just want to argue. Everyone here seems really nice and supportive. I will definitely stick around!