Am I the only one who sits here on pins and needles dreading the day that my ex decides to return to the picture?

He hasn't seen my son in 5 months now, we haven't heard a peep out of him (other than to regularly send the CS check) in the last almost 3 months now.

Call me a bad mom for hoping he stays out of the picture, but in the long run I honestly feel it'd be for the best. As evidenced from the past he would be a very sparse presence in my son's life. He only saw him about once every 6 months and that was if I brought my son out to where he lives and he'd maybe stop by for an hour or so. So I know left to his own he won't even see him that much so I'd rather he just stay out of my son's life rather than be in and out as he pleases.

I just can't help but worry, I guess that's the word I'm looking for, about him suddenly deciding to return.

Sorry....just some stuff I needed to get off my chest.

I worry once in a while about the spermdonor coming back but then I look at it realistically. He wont return. He knows what would happen if he did and knows how hard it would be. We came to a mutual understanding, mostly me telling him, after all was said and done, that he isn't welcome in my life or my daughter's. I refuse to subject her to the trauma and issues that he has and could cause for her.

I think its normal to be paranoid about that because if the ex were to come back, they could cause issues and that's never good.

Thanks for making me feel normal about it.

I'd like to think that he & I too have come to that mutual understanding in the same way as well. I think I made it quite clear that I didn't want him with his issues around either of us and that if he was going to be around when it was convenient for him I especially didn't want him around.

There are a lot of people, including most court systems, that seem to believe that a deadbeat father/mother is better than no father/mother. I do not believe that. I believe no father/mother is better than putting a child through emotional turmoil, abuse or any other negative consequences just so the child can have two parents.

I hate to sound old but in this day and age, its not abnormal to be a one parent home.

quote:

Originally posted by smshybug:
I believe no father/mother is better than putting a child through emotional turmoil, abuse or any other negative consequences just so the child can have two parents.

100% agreed!

That emotional turmoil just stinks.

I also agree. People tend to make you feel so bad when you are trying to protect your child from the other parent. My child's father is in the picture and it isn't easy. I pray everyday that he will have a change of heart and get lost but that isn't likely

Y'all don't know how loved I feel right now. I do have friends & family who feel the way that I do but there are so many people that I hear it from about how I'm a "bad mommy" for hoping that my ex stays out of our lives. I just know that the way he is it'd be worse to have him in my son's life sporadically which is what it would be.

It's 'cause you're the one who has to sit there with your kids and comfort them and pick them up and get them back on their feet after they go through the hurt. Your friends and family don't see that part of your ex's parenting.

My friends and family get it though, my family knows from personal experience with my sperm donor disappearing before I was born how fine I turned out without the turmoil of him and his issues. The few friends I have, they either get it from being on the end of the child of divorced parents whom the father was in and out whenever it was convenient and how much it screwed them up, OR they are just "taking sides" in the whole thing.

It's the strangers that don't get it. It's funny, even the judge when we went for the custody hearing over 2 years ago now laughed about how there was no way he would ever consider anything more than giving me sole custody and my now ex anything more than very minimal visitation because of the way he was already.

Sorry, I didn't read your post carefully. I see that you did say that your friends and family understand where you're coming from.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. My child is not even born yet, and I secretly hope that the "father" never comes into the picture unless he decides that he's going to be there ALL the time. I want to protect my child from all the hurt for it's and mine sake. Nobody feels great when the child comes and asks where his dad is and that he misses him. I'd rather have my child think that he doesn't have a father at all than think that his dad just doesn't have time for him.
Perhaps I'm selfish, too.

I really envy u guys. I wish I knew what I know now because I would also be selfish(even tho I don't really think it is selfish). People just don't understand and it's hard. I'm fighting depression because people can be so judgemental, non-understanding and cruel.

I also believe that no father is better than a screw up.

Ill say this, I wish my daughters dad would go away. He makes all kinds of empty promises and wants to go to court for joint custody. All because he doesn't want to support his child. I wish mine would go away.

You're definitely not the only one your child's father would go away. I constantly keep praying mine would. I prayed harder and still pray that after my ex marrying his gf with her two kids and their now baby together would leave my son and me alone...sadly no such luck. It doesn't hurt to keep praying that somehow our exes will have other distractions and leave us alne right?