I was just wondering do any of you wonderful single mothers out there get tired of society either eluding to or outright saying that single mothers are the reason our society is going downhill which in turn causes these lawmakers to make such idiotic family laws?

Let me explain. All I hear (it seems) is that single mothers are the reason why kids don't graduate, are poor, don't go to college,etc. and that children absolutely NEED their fathers to any expense of the children or mother. Has it ever occured to them that many successful people have come from single parent families? That two parent households can be abusive and more dysfunctional than single parent households? That many mothers are poor because the men walk off and refuse to support their children even if they DO see the kids and pick fights with the mother because they resent paying child support!!!??? That some father's are trying to get custody soley to get out of child support or want joint custody to lower child support? That having one's biological father around is not the answers to all of life's difficult situations for children? What about step-fathers or other men who step up. They are to be disregarded simply because they are not related to the child by blood but the father's other woman can get all into the family business and that's ok? (I'm just speaking from things I have heard or seen, this does not apply to everyone).

I know it's good fathers out there, worthy fathers. But they need to empahsize that or make these fathers realize that beinga parent is not easy and that just merely seeing your child is not going the make this miracle of a perfect life for a kid like how they seem to tell fathers. And even regular people fall into this trap. "Well, he may not pay child support but at least he wants to see her." Like that's ok. I just don't it. If mothers did the same as fathers, most children would be hopeless.

And visitation seem to take precedence over child support but I read another poster's story about how chasing child support cost her custody of the children SHE gave birth to. He retained a lawyer for revenge (never paid child support mind you) and got custody of her kids. How can he get a lawyer if he cannot pay child support. These judges need to see through these silly games and do what is right! I personally don't think child support and visitation/custody should be seperate, or should be taken into account for cases like this.

And since when is it ok to tell let men know that it is ok to walk away from your family? The court system is set up in such a way that if a man feels that he is scared of responsibility he can up and leave but gain rights through the court, pay a little child support and go on and do it all over again. And that's what some men do. I don't condone staying in a dysfunctional relationship but it makes it so easy for them to leave, then women are blamed for being single mothers. And then the first woman is supposed to go along with everything and be the bigger woman because he walked away?? And many men think that if they love the child that's enough and tend to disrespect the mother. That's not ok. You don't have to love her but be respectful and don't play games either and don't let your other woman influence your situation for the bad.

Ok. I'm sure you all have your own experiences and I am just venting but the father's rights stuff seem like an attack on the mothers out here. It's does not seem friendly. And I'm not talking about the decent fathers out there who are trying to do right but there are some men who are controlling and selfish that are ruining it for everybody. And I'm not saying all mothers are saints either. I just say respect and responsibilty are key and of course, genunine love for the children. Anybody understand where I'm coming from?

I completely understand what you're saying, and agree with all of it. I have an ex who wrote a letter to me during our split about how he couldn't handle the responsibilities of being a dad to our then 5,6 & 9 year old daughters, that he could not deal with being the head of a family and actually told me he had to "fend for himself" and that in his heart he knew me and the kids would be okay. Later he changed his whole thinking process and tried to get our girls to move in with him and his new wife, again in letter form- telling them they'd never have the education oppurtunities with me that'd they'd have w/ him and to not feel like they were turning their backs on me, but to think about their futures. He stopped working and said nothing about it and let me hear it from child support, then told our daughters he didn't feel bad if "I" had to suffer by him not helping out, and didn't pay child support for the next 10 months. I say all this because I was enraged with the court systems- how they told me that until he started working again there was nothing they could do. And the letters he wrote complaining to our girlsabout the child support he had to pay and telling them my only reason for wanting them with me was to collect "free money" and trying to talk them into leaving me were nothing the courts felt a need to do anything about. His visitation didn't change, nothing happened regarding him not paying child support for nearly a year other than the back-pay he racked up, and he got to go on doing whatever he pleased because he is the father and was still "trying" to see them. I was actually told that unless they were being physically abused and not having their basic needs met that I had no case to do anything. So yes- I get what you're saying loud and clear about the fathers who use their children as venting boards to disrespect their mother, and seem to do it with no consequences to reap. And I also know how many genuinely loving, caring and good dads there are out there who truly put their kids needs and welfare first and who are spending time not because they have a "right"- but because they want to because they love their children. And to these guys I give all my respect. To the rest- it just disgusts me beyond words. I wish the laws could be a little more tailored to people's circumstances and that parents "rights" both moms and dads- weren't just a given- DESPITE everything else.

THANK YOU!! I'm so glad to see that I am not alone. Good luck to you and just remember to take care of yourself and do what is best for you and your children.

quote:

Originally posted by 2precious1s:
the father's rights stuff seem like an attack on the mothers out here. It's does not seem friendly.

You bring up some very good points. I consider myself an advocate of fathers rights. You are correct. The vindictive tone of some men yelling for parental rights is a bit ridiculous. But the bias we single fathers face daily from every corner of society is overwhelming. It is much more difficult for a man to gain custody of his children than for a woman. It is also more unlikely that a father with full cistody of his children will receive any manner of child support from the mother. Those are facts. I'm not trying to downplay the truth of what you are saying but single fathers do have legitimate gripes when it comes to our legal system. My son lived with me virtually full time for his first five years. I cannot tell you the number of times people gasped in disbelief when told that my son only saw his mom two or three days out of the week during that time. I'm going to have to think about this one a bit so I can respond better.

And hey, I'm Will. I'm from the other end of Illinois. Welcome to SFV.

Thanks Will. I'm CECE. I'm so glad you did not take offense to my post. And I agree with you as well. Things are not fair to the good fathers and many women are being unfair to good dads and it is women like that and men like my ex who ruin it for us (the good parents). I just wish it was some way where there could be a happy medium but there is a long way to go...