Hello. I'm 21 and I just found out I'm pregnant. I am ashamed to say that I'm not sure who the baby's father is. I dont usually go sleeping around, but this is what happened: I was dating this guy for about a year, I found out he had been playing me all that time and that he was engaged to a girl we went to school with so I broke up with him, but last time we had sex was around the time I got pregnant, and even though we used condoms, there is still a chance. I went on a trip last june and met this english guy and we became good friends, but nothing ever happened. Then he came to visit in August (around the time I got pregnant) and he came on to me and we ended in bed...no condom. Then there's this other guy. He's married we had sex twice, the first time I took the morning after pill and I was pregnant, the second time it was too close to when I was supposed to get my period and I got a depo provera shot that is supposed to work just like the morning after pill, but apparently by this time I was already pregnant. So I think it is my english friend's baby. But my dilema is whether I should go through or terminate the pregnancy. I'm only 21, and even though I know I screwed up, I dont think I can raise a child on my own. I am financially sound, i'm in the military, but it is the emotional part to being a single mom that worries me. Plus, I'd hate for my child to grow up without a dad and feel like he/she is different from the rest of the kids. I'm really confused. I have an appointment for an abortion next week, but I'm not so sure. Any ideas? And please, dont judge me as being irresponsible based on the fragment of my sex life I describe here. I never before slept around, and I sure won't do it again!

this is not a delema that you can ask advice on - we can not give advice as we do not know you or your background - abortion is a personnal choice - you must do what you feel is right. Speaking for myself I am a single mother of 2 children aged 16yrs and 4 yrs and having these kids were a personal choice not because I disagree with abortion because I agree that children are precious but they have to be wanted. Take a deep look at yourself and ask yourself if you want this child - if you believe in god you may make the wrong choice for fear of retribution, but then again if you believe in god you know he will look after your unwanted child. the only sound advice I can give you is do not listen to others - listen to your self it is only you who knows whether you can cope and what kind of mother you will become. Make your decision and stick buy it, in the end it will be ok, if you have an abortion, because you made the choice yourself its unlikely that you will have regrets. However if you decide to keep the child again you will have no regrets because you made the choice yourself. Whatever you decide bekieve in yourself, its a long life - be more careful and respectful to your self. If you decide to have the child and I know this sounds silly but don't worry about not having a name to pull out of the hat, most of us know the name but can't pull the guy out of the hat - not much difference is there. Do whats right for you. E mail me and let me know how you got on Victoria.caley@properties.dot.gov.im Look after yourself

Well,
I've had an abortion and I have an 11 mo. old son now. Everyone's conscience is different. It tortured me. I have spoken to others who it never bothered them-no regrets. I think that it bothered me so much because I did it for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't through partying yet. My sons father is not in the picture, which is fine with me and better for my son. I know that one day he will ask me who his father is and that will kill me. I know his father and god knows I wish that I could tell my son that I don't know who his father is, that would be better than the truth. I guess to sum it up. My son saved my life-literally. I never thought that I would be a good mother and I have turned out to be agreat mom. He worships me as I do him. I'm not trying to make your mind up for you. I'm just saying, if you think for one second that you can love this child unconditionally you should have it. Your child won't be different from everyone else because he doesn't have a father. Unfortunately, that is common these days. I hope that my little message helps.

Hi! First of all, don�t feel bad! You are not a bad person! Have you talked
to the man you believe to be the father? If so, what are his thoughts about
it? I�m assuming he might not have been too supportive, since you are
talking about being a single parent. You have to do what is right for YOU.
I went through the same thing when I first found out I was pregnant. I was
so scared. I didn�t know what to expect, if I was ready, etc. And the
thought of raising my baby without a dad did bother me. But I know my baby
will be loved not only by me, but by my parents, family, and friends. Have
you talked to your family about it? Sometimes it makes the decision easier
if you know you will have support. This may sound corny, but making a pros
and cons list for each option may help you also. I did and it helped a bit.
But do make a decision purely on how YOU feel. Don�t let others influence
you. BEST OF LUCK, please let me know how everything goes!!
~*<3*~ Toni

Well, I'd like to let you all know I decided to go through with the pregnancy and have my baby. Unfortunately, i had a threatened miscarriage but as of today, both, my baby and I are fine. I have to go to the doctor for a follow up. So wish me luck!!

So glad to hear you are doing well, and that you're happy with your decision!

I am glad to hear that you decided to go thru with your pregnancy. I had to make that decsion with my pregnancy and in the end I decided to keep the prgnancy and like you I had a threatned miscarriage. I was so afraid at that point but to make a long story short I was pregnant with triplets and did not know it at the time I did loose one of the babies it was then advised to me to reuce the remaining two fetuses to one, I was told that I probally would lose both babies but I knew in my heart I had been thru the debate once and would not be able to do it again. I know have two beautiful sons who just turned two. They where born at 36 weeks however there was no complications and my sons came home at four days old. It is a hard decsion. I had a miscarriage 5 months before I became pregnant with my sons with that pregnancy I had decided to keep the baby but instead I lost that baby the day of my first prenatal visit and even though it is not the exact same thing as chosing to abort there is not a moment that goes by that I do not think of that baby. Wiether we miscarry of have an abortion the babies that we loose never leave are minds for a moment.

Well, i regret to infrom you all that I did have a miscarriage. It's pretty ironic. It also is a very immotionally draining experience i hope i never have to go thru again.