I know this may sound stupid to the rest of you guys that are sharing your hardships with this topic, but I didn't have anyone else to talk to so I wanted to join and get some feedback. I am about to turn 30, am very very single and I am seriously thinking about having at least 2 children on my own.I lost my mother at a young age and was raised by family members that didn't care about me. While I've always been one to count my blessings in life, I believe that for me, having children would be one of the greatest joys I could experience and before it's too late (I know, I know), I want to have children. Getting married doesn't seem a reality for me,being that I've always been independent. You hardly hear good things about marriage anymore, so I wanted to ask is there anyone out there that can testify that being a single parent isn't all that difficult? I have a nephew and I don't take care of him that often, but it just doesn't seem like it would be a nightmare if I were to do so. I know I would have to make sacrifices and it won't be easy, but if I were to do this in the next 2 years, what resources should I begin with?

I could tell you that single parenting isn't all that difficult, like you asked.

But I'd be totally lying. It's hard. Really, really hard.

But that's not to say it's not rewarding...

I love how my relationship with my daughter is growing and changing, much like she is. I love watching how she is changing into the person she is. And best of all, I love getting all of the credit for how smart, vivacious, polite, thoughtful, and wonderful she is.

I have always wanted to be a mum, and I am so glad I am.

I'm one of those people who did not intend on being a single parent. I discovered when it was too late that I was not partnered with the right person for me. But my decision to leave him and become a single mum was definitely the right choice for me (and my daughter and my ex).

If one of your personal goals for your life is to become a parent, I don't think you should let the presence (or lack of) a spouse stop you. I don't know much about the actual mechanics of how one would go about doing that, be it adoption or other ways, so perhaps another member will speak to that.

Best of luck to you!

I agree it is hard.

But it's worth it, I currently am having my second child and very single.

My son, who is now 3, wasn't planned and it was very scary.

But now that I've got him to a place where I feel that he's safe and learning and growing, I feel that I made the right choice.

I currently am expecting my second in March 2008.

Just like you, I felt that the stakes where against me to have a marriage with all the 'fixings'. But I definetly knew I wanted children.

If that's what you feel in your heart to do and you don't mind a little struggle and you don't mind loving unconditionally, then I say go for it!

Having been a single mum for 16 years, I'd say there are 2 things that are good to have in place:

- a good support system

- some money in the bank for those rainy days.

I've actually thought about this myself. I am a single parent right now... I've thought about marriage or staying single all my life. I'm happy with the way things are right now -- I have all my time for my baby because there is no husband to take care of! LOL. But at times it gets lonely. Somehow, a part of me still wants a man who can make me feel secure, who would complement how I look, would cook dinner once in a while for me or would take me out on dates. And having a boy, I think he will come to a point in his life when he will need a father figure too.

quote:

Originally posted by Marielle:
Having been a single mum for 16 years, I'd say there are 2 things that are good to have in place:

- a good support system

- some money in the bank for those rainy days.

I second Marielle, and I would add: loads of money in the bank, let's say enough not to have to work for 1 or 2 years at least is a must, and then a lot of family around you, so you can have an hours rest now and then, especially while your child is a baby and you're so endlessly tired 24 hours a day.

It's very hard work, even with a husband. The hardest part is that it never ever stops. The other part I find difficult too, is the fact that you're mostly alone, no adult to talk to for days and weeks sometimes. No wonder this forum has so much success, it's a nice way to 'get out', without having to leave the house (and finding a babysitter etc.).

I have been a single parent now for 6 years. I am happy with my life, but I will never say it's easy. I don't think having kids can ever be 'easy'. But having them without help from the other parent is 10 times as hard.

You could 'test yourself'. Invite your nephew for 2 weeks to your house and see how it works out.

quote:

But at times it gets lonely. Somehow, a part of me still wants a man who can make me feel secure, who would complement how I look, would cook dinner once in a while for me or would take me out on dates. And having a boy, I think he will come to a point in his life when he will need a father figure too.

I have solutions for those:
Feeling secure: double dead bolts on all your doors.
Compliments: compliment yourself..yes look in that mirror and say "i am beautiful" LOL
Cook dinner for you? --lots of cute guys in the take out section of your phone book, will bring dinner already cooked to your door.
Father figures?---send him to grandpa...

LOL

I know

I am so lame.

quote:

It's very hard work, even with a husband. The hardest part is that it never ever stops. The other part I find difficult too, is the fact that you're mostly alone, no adult to talk to for days and weeks sometimes. No wonder this forum has so much success, it's a nice way to 'get out', without having to leave the house (and finding a babysitter etc.).

You got that right...LOL
and I talk to myself all day long...6 years now, going on 7....i've mastered it to perfection...now I don't answer myself back though..i heard that when you get to the point where you answer yourself back it's time to be locked up...LOL

I am a single mom by choice and I have not regretted it for second. Although it is hard. i knew it would be hard, but it is much harder than that.

I didn't (and don't) have enough money in the bank to live without working for 2 years. Who does? I don't think money is an important factor IF you make enough to take care of the child and are financially responsible. Poor folks have kids all the time and do a great job raising their kids.

I adopted my (then) 12 month old foster-son. If you don't have money, adoption through the foster care system is the way to go. It is free. Or, you could try in vitro. A lot of insurance plans cover it now.

2 suggestions: 1) Be sure you are ready before proceeding. you are still pretty young. 2) Don't just get pregnant with someone on a one night stand. I know someone who did that and the father later decided he did want the baby and now she is in a big custody battle.

Good luck and congrats on thinking outside the box!

[QUOTE]
Don't just get pregnant with someone on a one night stand. I know someone who did that and the father later decided he did want the baby and now she is in a big custody battle.
QUOTE]

What a nightmare!!
That would be impossible here I think. The woman has all the say in the matter.

quote:

Originally posted by Betzim:
I am a single mom by choice and I have not regretted it for second. Although it is hard. i knew it would be hard, but it is much harder than that.

I didn't (and don't) have enough money in the bank to live without working for 2 years. Who does? I don't think money is an important factor IF you make enough to take care of the child and are financially responsible. Poor folks have kids all the time and do a great job raising their kids.

...

I have no idea how I would have managed, had I stayed where I was when my son was born (in a village in Germany). It was impossible to get affordable day care and I could not find a job without day care. It was a vicious circle I could not have escaped.
I actually had to move 1000 miles away, to France, to find a job and a good place for my son.

So, I think, when you actually decide you want to be a single mother by choice, it is vital to start saving money first.

The other option of course is to find free day care, like a grandmother or aunt..but not everyone has that.

It does make sense to be a couple if you have kids, after all
But again, not everyone has that choice either.

Raise a child alone would be very very hard. Raise two children would double the hard. If you really want and decide whatever happened you will not regret, you may have the 1st one.