Hi,
I just joined up with Single Family Voices. I was curious as to what is available to single mothers who don't receive any type of financial support other than our own jobs. I was hoping to find some miracle out there that can help me financially with my two daughters. Instead I found someplace to offer support as well as receive support. Just to catch you up, I am a single mom of two daughters. One is 17 and the other is 13. I have been a single parent for the entire 17 years of my "MOM" career. I don't receive support from their dead beat father. He abandoned them when they were toddlers. My oldest was 3 and the youngest was 3 months. At first I had a very rough time dealing with the fact that I was going to be alone. I tried for 7 years to make it with their father, but when only one wants it, it just doesn't work. The last straw was when he pulled some very scary stunts on me in front of my older daughter. This I just could not live with or let my daughters live with. I decided to throw him out and move on with my life. It took me several years to overcome the hatred, anger, mental abuse, and cope with the fact that my girls would grow up without a father. The best thing I ever did was go back to school. See, I had my first daughter right after I graduated from high school. I worked for two years in order to support her, and her father. When I had my second daughter I had already begun college. I struggled through the first 2 years of college, but managed to keep my grades average. During my first two years of college I constantly fought my X for child support. Of course, I only got a couple of months worth before he quit his job. He would quit his jobs in order not to pay child support. He was also using a false name so the child support agencies would not bother him. I never went on welfare. Instead I went to school on grants, loans, and worked a full time job. Thank the good Lord that my parents were always there to watch my girls. At least I knew they would take good care of them while I was trying to do something with my life. Eventually, after going through many many court dates and failures, I charged my X with abandonment and relinquished all his rights to my girls. He had not been around for over 6 months, no support, and I was tired of hasseling with everything. The judgement was in my favor because he didn't even bother to show up for court. It has been around 13 years since that date. My X has tried only 1 time to contact me since then, and that was only because the child support agency had reopened my case out of the blue, and just happened to find him. They didn't bother arresting him even though he owed me thousands of dollars. I blew him off and told him I didn't want anything from him. I had already healed and begun my own life. Now, 13 years later, I am still a single parent and have not had very much luck with relationships. It's not like I've had so many, but the one relationship I was in after my X didn't work out either. I have become totally independent! I have finally started feeling good about myself. I know that I have worked hard for what I have. I know my daughters have learned a lot from being in a single parent family. They have learned that they do not have to be in a relationship in order to survive. They have learned that they can be and do what ever their heart desires. They are very strong willed and enthusiastic. I feel that the single parent family, in our case, has been very effective. I just wanted to let all of you single, young mothers out there know that you can survive. You have to be strong!! You have to know that you are the only one that can give your child the love and strength they need to grow. If you are weak, they will be weak. Find that inner strength and give it your all! You can survive. Your only option is to try your best. Financially, I am currently working two jobs. I have found it hard to maintain a certain budget, so I live from paycheck to paycheck. I have more though, than a lot of others who do not have kids. I am thankful for what I have. I do wish there was something out there that would give an extra boost once in awhile. I know I will never receive support. My daughters however, will get SSI from their deadbeat father if he ever happens to pass away. That was not taken from them. I am one of those that is caught in the middle, "You make to much for this, but not enough for that." That is frustrating!! However, I have to keep looking at the bright side. We are healthy, and have a loving home.

Amen, to everything you said.

I agree it would be nice to have a little more $$$, but we have so much more, don't we. Good luck to you.

Hutch, when you find the fairy godmother, can I borrow her once in a while?

My mess is similar, though I was further along my education when it started, and I'm only divorced times two years. I faced the likelihood that my daughter would be abandoned by her dad before long, and that theory seems to be bearing out.

I start a new college next week, up from a CC to UCSD---YEAH! Wish me luck.

I'm 23 years old and raising a son, almost 11 mo. old. His father won't work and hasn't seen him since he was 7 weeks old. He called a couple of weeks ago to ask me could he come to see MY son. He was out of a job again and wanted to know how long he could stay with me. Jesus, I have been envolved with this radiculous excuse for a man for entirely too long. He's a coward, an abuser, an addict, ect. You said something about filing charges for abandonment and getting his rights taken away. Please tell me how you went about this. I want my sons father to lose the ability to think he can show up and my son say "Hi dad, I've missed you".
Sorry, I'm angry!