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I am New to SFV |
my son, 3 years old, when I go to visit him, which I can only do about every month due to his mothers constant moving and keeping him far away from me, has no problem leaving her to see me. When I try to take him, back he pitches a huge fit, and doesn't want me to get more than about 2 feet away. He tells me all weekend that he doesn't want to go back to mommies. Monday when I dropped him off, I had to leave with him crying, as usual, at his daycare. his mom told me that he wouldn't stop crying, and she had to leave work to console him, and at one point he cried so hard he threw up. Is this a sign of something that I should be worried about going on at his home? or is this normal behavior. it seems weird to me not to want to go home at that age. he lives with his 1/2 brother and sister, and their father and his mother.
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Learning to Surf The Board |
Hi I was reading your post and can really offer no suggestions but I just wondered if maybe it is the fact that you drop him off at childcare -does he like going to childcare? Could this be the trigger? If not I think you are going to have to get some professional help or help from relatives maybe. I would also like to say I hope it all resolves for you, and at least you are attemting to do the right thing there are alot of fathers out there who would just give up.
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"Moderator Proud father/grandfather" SFV JUNKIE!!! |
Just a guess.......
But I think it may be more about just wanting to spend more time/more often with you. You start out by talking about pretty minimal visitation due to the circumstances. At 3 years old it might not be easy, but try asking him why he was so upset at daycare, why he doesn't want to go back to mommy's. Try not to ask "is "blank" the reason" or "is it because of "blank"" See if he can give you some answers on his own that you might be able to learn more from. How long has this living situation been going on...the step father/half siblings? |
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"THE Eggroll" On the Board |
Just out of curiosity....how many times has your ex moved around? Also with as much as she moved were you able to provide consistant visitations (meaning the once a month)?
My son was 2 when I had no choice but to hand him over to my ex for a month....court order... ever since then my son hasn't seen him and has barely spoken to him (avg phone call is once every other month). To this day my son refuses to voluntarily call him and speak to him. As the summer is fast approaching I've been trying to get my son comfortable with the fact that he might be going to "daddy's" for a visit. Keep in mind that my ex has a live in girlfriend (for the last 3 years) with 2 of her own kids and another kid they just had together last year. My son who is now 4 still remember's certain things that have happend 2 years ago. Just in comparing your situation with what my son and I have gone through, it could be several things - lack of stability, being treated differently than his half siblings since they don't share both parents, possible different discipline or favoritism actions than his siblings etc... Your son is 3 and could very well explain why he doesn't want to go back to his mom's(they're usually a LOT smarter than we give them credit for). It might not be complete sentences but look for hand gestures....kids can more easily explain things by acting them out rather than using their words at that age. Hope that can help a bit. Just know this group is totally here for ya! |
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Active Board Parent |
Sometimes i think it's nothing more than they are just testing their limits. I'm sure he misses you and would like to see you more often, so in his little head he wonders if he cries enough maybe he'll get his way. (ex. his mom left work to console him at daycare!) Also, he probably loves the undivided attention he gets from you in contrast to mom having 2 other kids at home.
My son just turned 5, and I have full custody. Sometimes his dad's visitation is regular & sometimes he flakes out. Anyway, almost every Sunday morning (his visitation day) he cries & pouts & says he doesn't wanna go to daddy's house - sometimes it goes on the entire 25 mile car ride - even saying 'i hate daddy' 'i wanna stay with you' blah blah blah. But, then as soon as we pull up and he sees his daddy he's all smiles and "Hi, Daddy!!!!" It could be anything though & i say just continue to offer him love & support & look out for any signs of mistreatment. |
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