Hey everyone, I am a very confused person. I cannot figure out my ex for the life of me. We split when i was 6 months pregnant. Things just werent working very well at all. We werent together long our relationship lastes a whole total of 9 months. I fell very much inlove with him and really wanted us to be a family. It didnt happen. shortly after i moved out he moved another chick in. That hurt very bad and over a year later they are still together. He is however a part of our child life. The thing is, for several months he has been sending me mixed msgs. He'd lead me to believe that he was coming back, but still nothing. He wont talk to me and tell me how he feels he just leaves me hanging all the time. I get the feeling that he has so much to say, but for some reason he is afraid to do it. When I ask him certain questions on how he really feels about me he says nothing. I would much rather him say he hated me than to say nothing cause it just makes me wonder. Every once in a while we act like complete strangers around one another. When I do my best to move on and give him no insight to how I really feel, thats when he comes around and starts saying everything I want to hear. And then I open up yet again just to hear him say nothing in return. I hate getting hurt like this over and over, its alomost like the cycle just keeps repeating itself. How can I get him to just open up? He always questions who I am seeing and all that stuff that really shouldnt matter to him. Im just confused. He says he has feelings for me as we do have a past and I am the mother of his child but then he says it would never work one minute and then turn around and say that its probably too late meaning to late for me? Does this guy just not know what he wants or am I being an idiot to open myself up to him everytime? Im sorry to ramble on. I really love this guy. and Im just not sure what to do nothing I can do I guess. Also a big part of me thinks that with his current g/f he doesnt have to 100% step up to the plate and grow up, but with me he knows he would have to? I just dont know and I cant handle all these unresolved issues anymore. Needing advice desperatley. Thanks guys

Honestly, quit allowing it to happen. Personally I wouldn't even halfway consider being hopeful about a person that was still in a relationship with someone else. Could be that during less than ideal circumstances in the other relationship is when he acts like he's considering your relationship. Could it also be that with your hopefulness, you might be reading more into things than really is there? I surely wouldn't push him for answers about how he feels about you, including only hoping for one of two extremes....either hating you or wanting to get back together. Find acceptance that he's with her but at least he's still involved with your child.
Again, particularly while he's still with her, even if he does start bringing up things about you place a boundary on that sort of conversation.

I agree with Don. I think the ex is hedging his bets with you. Time for you to cut the cord.

Unfortunately, he isn't being honorable. If he can't say how he feels and can't show it then he is using you in case of emergency. He wants it all. He is only going to drag you on an emotional rollercoaster, not the fun type either. I am guilty of what your going through. I want so bad to believe that my ex wife or ex gf really love me and just didn't realize it or was just temporarly stupid. But ultimately I am the stupid one for always falling for the insinuation that they love me when honestly they probably don't. It's the hardest to let go of what you desire but if its only causing misery then it gots to go. The hard part is you know what is right and what you should do but actually doing it is another story, I still get suckered into things especially when they know you care. They know that a good heart unfortunately is easy access.

You definitely deserve better. Have you even looked for someone else. Wait are you ready for someone else! The key to a good relationships is to learn to love yourself.

quote:

Originally posted by mykidisfirst:
You definitely deserve better. Have you even looked for someone else. Wait are you ready for someone else! The key to a good relationships is to learn to love yourself.

I havent really looked. Im just too busy being a mom and working. At the same time I dont think im ready. I seem too hung up on him which im not sure why cause he gives me nothing in return. Im fiding it hard to set some boundaries between him and I when I feel so much for him. Not too sure what to do.

I'm going to copy the answer that another board member gave somebody who was in a similar situation as yours.
Did you join a couples counseling web site or a single parents one?

I think you have your answer.

Good Luck

Adrian