The final orders arrived from my attorney today, in his letter I'll be getting the signed order either Monday or Tuesday. I was so happy to see that fat little envelope in the mailbox today I ripped it open read the contents and literately ran to show one of my supporters who lives near me. I felt like celebrating....until....I received a call from my sister in-law who said my ex called her saying that she was going to get our daughter, that she was going to ruin my life, and that she and her boyfriend had moved into an apartment (they were living with his mother and younger brother)of their own and Hope (my daughter) would feel right at home, obviously she hasn't gotten any papers yet. I was/am so bloody upset I wanted to drive over there and show them what an angry fat man could do, but commonsense over ruled that idea. So I cried....I cried until ever muscle in my face hurt. I then went on a minor rampage, informing EVERYONE that I couldn't care less about what she says, or does, or who she's doing and I asked them why in the hell are they even talking to her...the response I got, "I thought I was helping". That's one thing I really hate about this nonsense...yes look out for the child, look out for their mental and physical well being, but what about the care giver? It's bad enough everything I held dear was shattered to pieces, I don't need to be constantly reminded of it. My hopes were those papers would be the key that locked the door to that part of my life, but thanks to a couple well meaning, but yet ill thinking people they have become another jar of salt in an already festering wound.

Since I won't sleep tonight I think I'll listen to Coast to Coast Radio and read one of my Emily Dickinson books.