My name is Vincent. I am 18 yrs old, going to RIT full time and in the US Army. Recently I became engaged to the woman I "thought" I loved. I guess it was the honeymoon phase of it all. I went to bootcamp she was still there and we loved eachother even more. Well she had some female problems and long story short she says that "the doctors" (who were mayo clinic docs) told her that if she doesnt have a child ASAP she will never get pregnant. When I found this out I was scared. But we made the decison that we were gonna try bc were engaged and "when" we get married well i would be devistated if we couldnt have a child. Well she ends up pregnant! YES so happy.. but then the problems began. I wont go into details bc well you've all probly been there. So we end up broken up and thats when all the games begin. She starts saying my priorities are messed up and that ill never be around and my child will never know who i am. she threatens to not allow me to see him when he is born in the hospitol. She also 2 days after we broke up decided that she is going to change the name that we picked out. I am so scared right now that Ill never beable to see my son and she will do everything in her power to ket rid of me in my childs life even though she says she wants me involved. i feel like her and her whole family played me like a fool and railroaded me into this and their intention was to not have me involved. Im not making any excuses at all I know what my responsibility is but I feel so hurt bc this is the way they are acting. I just need some words of wisdom and some help bc right now I am scared to death and am losing all hope.

Hi Vincent, and welcome to the forum. Of course it's impossible for me to say much about what's going on with her, it does sounds like maybe she is also confused and hurt and lashing out at times...don't really know and for this reply the "why" doesn't even matter. Don't stress too much about all of that, in time it could get better, and even if it doesn't....man, sadly there's not much you can do right now anyway. It's the male side of this in an unmarried relationship, we basically have no rights until after the baby is born. But know this, even if things don't improve and she does continue to try to push you away during the whole pregnancy, afterwards if you choose to be a part of your baby's life then there's not much she can do to stop that. You may have to prove paternity if she doesn't just agree in court that it's yours. You will of course have to pay child support. You will also have certain rights to visitation though also, honestly it won't be that easy while the baby is still "newborn" if she is still bent on pushing you away. But, you will be allowed visitation rights even if it does start out slow. She can't just wish you away completely if you don't want to.

Welcome to the forum.

I won't say much because I am a girl and I have a feeling you need the guys on this one to support you more than me.

What I would like to say is that when I was 18 an pregnant...my hormones took me for a wild roller coaster of a ride. I honestly was still just a teenager having a baby and I lashed out, pushed, prodded, and pulled people around with me.

Just know this....hormones mess a girl's mind up pretty bad.

Don is right with his advice. Do what you can but make sure you are setting yourself up good if this goes for court. Keep your nose clean, document any help you give to her and try to relax the best you can.

quote:

What I would like to say is that when I was 18 an pregnant...my hormones took me for a wild roller coaster of a ride. I honestly was still just a teenager having a baby and I lashed out, pushed, prodded, and pulled people around with me.

Just know this....hormones mess a girl's mind up pretty bad.

Thank you Sky.....I didn't want to be the one to say that

No problem, Don. After reading his other post as to the fact that he has left her......I'm glad I did.

She's angry as heck.

i hate being young and ignorent.. but i guess like all your other posts get at...life goes and things will usially get better!

Young and ignorant come hand in hand because that is the way life works.

My best and my most honest opinion is that you valued this woman enough to get engaged and want a family. What may seem worth giving up on a relationship now ....may seem very trivial in the future when regret sets in.

Think hard on how much you are willing to lose. And know that your comfort no longer matters...your life is now that child's...

First off. Wow. I am terribly sorry for what you're going through. It's sad to say this but us women can be almost as bad as men. I'd give anything for the father of my unborn child to actually want it and take responsibility etc....I just can't believe what your ex put you through but to be honest, better off that she did this to you now than a long way down the road, especially after the kid is born. Not saying what she did to you was right. Everything will work out once the kid is born. Maybe she'll come around, if not you can fight for your rights if you have to. The court will see you want to be a father more than anything and that you are a fit father and things will work itself out. Keep us posted on how things progress and don't let her win and don't let her get your spirits down! :-) Keep your chin up!

Wow it truly is ere to see someone with similar troubles such as myself. As everyone i've spoken with has said theres nothing you can do until the baby is born except for prepare and be there and things will work out for the best when the baby is actually here dont let it get you down man im trying to do the same your not alone! best of luck!