ugh, another spring break and a trip to the airport. i have my son 90% of the time and still feel like a part time parent when he visits his mom. what really bugs me is that i do not think she even appreciates the time she has with him. the process seems redundant. no real question here... just wondering if other dads/moms feel the same. i saw this woman in the airport that seemed as sad as i was.. and thought about it all the way home- it made me think about how disconnected we all are.

I only have my 3 youngest part time but they don't want to go back to their mom because she spends no time with them.

I feel sorta lost without them.

If only my daughter's mom would spend time with her, however she's just too busy continuing to mess her life up so she can't be bothered being a mom.
Honestly, I would love to have the break on occasion....I know it would feel pretty weird, we get so used to having the kids with us. Hopefully he'll have a good visit with mom and you'll settle in to the little "vacation" and do something enjoyable for yourself.

It is very sad. When my husband was with us I wished he would spend time with the kids. Now he can't. I am greatful to have a man in there lives to help fill the role, but he is not here all the time.

One thing I have learned over the years is you just can't make someone else be a good parent no matter how much you want it for your children.

Looks like I am headed for single fatherhood.
There are so many concerns, I don’t know where to start.
Here is one question:

I WANT to be a single Dad, the mother is a case and minimizing contact of my only teen daughter with her is what I want most.

My strategy is to get on paper, via mediation, some sort of 50% arrangement with me having custody. I am banking on the fact that, in the long run, the mother will be so preoccupied with herself (she is a narcissist) that my daughter will spend more time with me anyways. I don’t want to provoke an argument right now (she is willing, at the moment, to let me have physical custody). Thus, I am playing things “fairly” with her.

To be sure, everyone knows that I am the responsible person in this thing for the last 13 years. And they also know that the mother is not. However, I am of the opinion that if she wants to flout any agreements on paper, that ultimately I wont be able to enforce things anyway (she is manipulative and will work on our daughter, effectively holding her “hostage” to get her way until I relent, something she has done ruthlessly all these years, and more so recently). Thus, the best approach I think is to get a 50% type agreement and then bank on the idea that in the long run she will tire of parenting anyway – this has happened before.

Of course, in the back of my mind I also know this is a crazy woman who, foremost, loves herself.

Do I have the right strategy?
Also, am I posting in the right place on this board? Any suggestions? Thanks.

album5011,
Welcome to the forum. As for where you posted no worries, other than you might do best to start your own thread/topic for better exposure to your particular questions.
Do you have an attorney to help you on this? Where I'm a little confused is you say she's willing to give you physical custody but you are talking about 50% arrangement. There are two types of custody...physical and legal. Physical is typically where the child resides and if one parent gets physical custody the other parent will have some sort of visitation schedule, physical custody can also be shared in some situations. Legal custody is who makes the important decisions like for doctors, schools, etc., and is more common to be shared.
Anyway, if you are concerned about her "flouting" agreements just be sure to have this stuff ran through family court so it all gets signed by a judge, that way there are consequences for not abiding by whatever agreements are reached.

Don - thanks for responding, appreciate it much. We are discussing a mediated setup at the moment. Should I get my own attorney regardless? What might be the best way to find one? (I dont know many people who have been thru this to get word of mouth recs). The idea is for me to have physical custody and then a visitation thats mutually workable - I am trying not to take a hard line to keep my daughter out of the crossfire and on the theory that in the long run the mother will be too busy to see my daughter anyway. Thanks again - Album5011

quote:

Originally posted by Don:
album5011,
Welcome to the forum. As for where you posted no worries, other than you might do best to start your own thread/topic for better exposure to your particular questions.
Do you have an attorney to help you on this? Where I'm a little confused is you say she's willing to give you physical custody but you are talking about 50% arrangement. There are two types of custody...physical and legal. Physical is typically where the child resides and if one parent gets physical custody the other parent will have some sort of visitation schedule, physical custody can also be shared in some situations. Legal custody is who makes the important decisions like for doctors, schools, etc., and is more common to be shared.
Anyway, if you are concerned about her "flouting" agreements just be sure to have this stuff ran through family court so it all gets signed by a judge, that way there are consequences for not abiding by whatever agreements are reached.