i kind of pop in here from time to time.. love this site. i could use a little advice/or maybe just a sounding board.

i am a single parent and have been divorced for about 16 years. i never remarried and my relationships since my divorce have been lacking to say the best.

i won't beat around the bush, im not the most macho guy around. i don't love em and leave em. when i 'hook up' its usually until they leave the relationship. i have been alone for a long time and decided about a year ago that i was pretty much done (40 year old single dad, rofl- *** ... magnet ...)

i started dating this woman i used to work with and felt myself slipping into this huge avalanche of wanting more and more. i think i am pretty much at this point, simply in love with her.

i don't want my heart broke again, and as silly as this sounds, mostly for my son. i can deal with practically anything i think. but to see him go thru the mess of dad going thru bad joo joo again haunts me.

i tend to sabotage relationships... as most single fathers (parents) do. when i see signs of trouble or because i am scared of what 'could' happen.

the woman i am dating is cautious, as she should be... and i am not sensing the closeness that i want to, but i think i want this huge intensity because i have been alone for such a long time.

i said it at the beginning that maybe i just want a sounding board ... but im just not sure about the direction i should take. she doesnt have children, but seems to be of that 'soul' that is a good parent but hate to bother her with the luggage of being a 'step' parent...

im a mess. i did not anticipate the posibility of being happy (relationship). we both seem to be afraid (since we are already friends) of screwing something up.

i can't help but to be very forward in this relationship, and i don't think she can help but feel very defensive. i seem to find myself sending her flowers weekly, or doing something very stupid and forward and clumsy.

is it wrong? to go all out? to be less than genuine and more elusive?

elusive seems to get more of a response than being open/affectionate. i hate dating - any advice?

Boy, I hate dating also. It's tough for a single dad.

I'm 36 and I figure I'll have to wait till 50. The ex wife doesn't seem to have any issues about spreading herself around but that's because I'm here protecting the family. I'm not even sure I'd be able to trust a woman again.

TinWalrus

You may want to look for clues when you do something for her...does she show appreciation in any way? Or does she show resentment instead? like oh ya, got your flowers, thanks a bunch.

Listening to a different level of communication with women is quite the science LOL hahaha. what can I say, I'm a woman.

Maybe look at why you want to be forward into this relationship? Are you forward due to fear, or because you are ready?

What little signs of affections, no matter how big or small does she demonstrate to show she cares? Does she call you just for little nothings, does she send you little thank you notes or whatever things she might do that is unique to her. If she is doing some things, then examine when she does those, and do more of what you did to get those.

The only other thing I can think of at this point and I learned this not too long ago, what you fear most and think about most in terms of fear, out of your subconsciousness you will do things to create that end result, so I strongly recommend that you examine that fear and get rid of it. If you get rid of that fear, you will not feel clumsy or forward ...you will feel neutral and balanced and it will feel right.
If it is a fear based on past experiences your subconscious will produce the same results as last time. Cleaning out the filters of the subconscious mind of what you don't want, and replacing them with more positive things to go through the filters, will create a more positive result.

Since I'm learning about this sort of thing for quite some time now, I know I have to work on my subconscious mind. It resulted in the ending of another relationship that left me with a sour taste. However, on the flip side I have more time (since he's no longer in my life) to focus on the things that I enjoy and implement the information I am reading about and apply it to my life.

What you think about you bring about. Eh?

All I feel led to say is just be sure to NOT lead her on...... at all......

I had this done to me last year and I was heartbroken by it....even tho he lives a couple thousand miles away and we never did meet (boy, he made lots of false promises tho....)....it is taking me some time to get over this....and we never even MET....(been alone for at least 12 years now myself....) I thought he was the right one for me....but obviously, he didn't feel the same. Played some games, etc....later when I confronted him about things he said or did (for instance, sent me a honeymoon brochure) he said he was only HAVING FUN!!!!!!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Sunshine2:
...I thought he was the right one for me....but obviously, he didn't feel the same. Played some games, etc....later when I confronted him about things he said or did (for instance, sent me a honeymoon brochure) he said he was only HAVING FUN!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS SO LAME!! What an A-hole!

I'm sorry about that, Sunshine. But, not all of us are like that.

Hi there, oh, it got even worse, but he had even came back and said he couldn't remember the promises he had made to me, etc....

Well, ok, so then he said he wanted to meet me for New Year's Eve, so I got SMART (by then) and said "Ok, first you will have to let me talk to your pastor" then I will make the plans to meet with you....(we are both Christians)...I had a pastor tell me once that any man who wanted to have any type of relationship or even date me, I needed to clear him through his pastor first.....GOOD ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!! if they won't let you meet or call their Pastor...well, there is a problem somewhere.....

Then, he said he changed his mind.......



Well, needless to say, we are no longer even friends, oh well, his loss......

(me shooting him with an arrow).....lol.

I will be ok......I felt like a fool tho.....

quote:

Originally posted by Kayley's Mommy:
.....there needs to be a desert island to put people like that on. ...

You know what? You're right? Maybe at least our Ex's can find each other. Who knows?

quote:

Originally posted by Sunshine2:
Well, needless to say, we are no longer even friends, oh well, his loss......

(me shooting him with an arrow).....lol.

I will be ok......I felt like a fool tho.....

You can say that again...Shoot my last relationship too! Add the "what ever you freaking call it" to that island!