I'm new to this forum. I frequent a non-related board with 90k members and it's more like a chat room.
I was looking for a forum similar, when I joined. I must admit seeing 2 year old posts doesn't lead me to want to wait months, or even weeks to get a response, but maybe you regulars can direct me to the general forum for the most traffic male or female, doesn't matter.
My situation is probably not unique to some of you, but it is very personal with me.
My condensed story:
I'm an out of state parent to my 3 year old daughter. The mother never wanted me in her life. I persued through the courts and got initial visitation. The mother has been more than difficult the whole time. Now I see signs of P.A.S. and need real time feedback as to what to do.
Thank you in advance.

Welcome again to this site, maybe you can put a little more detail into what's going on. Such as how the mother is being difficult, is that about keeping her end of the visitation agreement??
What kind of visitation schedule did you get?
Out of state like that will already have it's own challenges, since it's more likely that you aren't getting as frequent of visitation as NCP's that are closer geographically.
Anyway, for now I'd say go ahead and throw out some more info, and maybe some of us will have some more specific feedback for you.
Open Discussions forum BTW tends to get the most traffic, though there are specific forums that are usually used for particular subject matter....like Custody/visitation.... most of the regulars do tend to browse all the forums when they log in.

I don't have any advice right now but I do have a lot of feeling for your situation the mom of my youngest wants to cut my family out of their lives. Only my kids don't like their mom and want to stay with me, so she has an uphill battle dealing with them.

Thank you Don and Dad3+3 for the replys.
The situation is long so bear with me.
The mother and I were never married. She lives in another state. We met online, met in person a few times, and concieved a child. (my fault for not using protection).
I believe I was a sperm donor for some selfish plan of hers. I don't believe she wanted me to be in the child's life. She had my phone # to call me when she was due to give birth. My daughter was born the very day the doctor predicted. I received no phone call from the mother, and in fact she checked in under a false name which was later determined from getting the nurses to divulge info. thru asking the right questions on my part. I had already spoken to an attorney at this point but had to wait for the actual birth to procede. I filed a Paterity action immediately.
FFW to 4 months later: I finally went through the court system to allow me to see my daughter for the first time. I was given 6 hour blocks of time every month for the first year. We were appointed a Psych evaluation and I was allowed to see my daughter for overnights when she was 18 months, in the state she was living. Meaning I had to rent a place and pay all plane fare and rental car expenses plus child support.
FFW to Nov. 06, the mother petitions the court that I have been lacking in exercising my visitation. ( I only missed 3 out of 20 visits and all were legitimate). The court ruled in my favor and allowed me to have my daughter at my home 1 week per month.
FFW to Jan. 07. The visits have been going well and the mother has been trying to stop them initially trying to build a case to stop them indefinitely.
The Memorial weekend I was taking my daughter to the airport and she asked, "are we going to see momma"? I said " yes honey we are going to see momma". She then said " I don't need daddy"...
I was crushed. I told her she hurt my feelings and she looked away like she knew it wasn't the right thing to say, but I know she is only 3 yrs. and I let it go.
The more I thought about it though, I realize she doesn't know what she "needs" at this age and realized this was the first obvious sign to me that the mother is poisoning her mind toward me. The more I think about it, I don't know whether to be upset because the words my daughter said hurt me so deeply, or to be angry at the mother for putting our daughter in between her hatred and vindictiveness toward me, and knowing my daughter is being used as an instrument to get back at me.
My daughter is my only child and I got a late start in life to have her, but I love her more than anything ever. She is my life, and I have to constantly battle the mother and harness my anger toward her, while not letting my daughter see it.
I'm so frustrated.

You are doing good so far, are you keeping track of the problems you are having?

Since your daughter is 3 you can probably get a study done on what the parenting time should be now and use that as a way to being up what your daughter is saying.

If you have the time you can also talk to your daughter about you and her and the things you can and do, do together so she thinks about how much fun and love the two of you have.

If you have a myspace page let me know and we can PM over there.

Hope this helps.

What I would do is definitely keep a journal of everything. Visit dates, how they went, anything that happens....keep it simple and factual more than emotional since judges will more likely read through it all that way if it comes to that.
Try not to worry too much just yet about what your daughter said, it could very well be her parroting some of the things her mom has had to say. At 3 I don't really think she's formulating those thoughts herself, although I know hearing something like that would feel pretty crushing. But do continue with your visitations and building that bond with her, that will influence her feelings about you more in the long run than anything that her mom may be trying to say. As she gets older she will continue to formulate her own opinions based on experience rather than what someone is telling her, and after all it's the long term relationship that you're building on. Heck, even those of us with our kids fulltime do occasionally hear things/deal with things that if we took totally to heart would crush us also.
It sounds like you're doing a great job of working on your relationship, keep it up and at the same time keep that journal going just in case you may need to continue to pursue your rights as her father in court at later dates.

Sorry, I have no real advice. I just don't understand these mothers that fight so hard to keep someone that obviously cares about their child away from that child. (Did that make sense?) I mean, it isn't like the child is going to get too much love! The more love the better; Right?

Dad of 3, we had a 730 evaluation and the Psych seemed very old school to me. He formulated a plan that allowed for increased visitation over time. I can somewhat understand that, but I think it was too restrictive. I wasn't even supposed to get her to my house until she was 4 yrs old and then only for 2 weeks that year. He projected out until she was 5 and then I got 4 weeks that year.
The mother petitioned the court that I should always see my daughter in her state knowing this was financially impossible for me to continue doing. My bank accounts and savings were being spent faster than I was making $$. I asked for full custody as a long shot, asked for 50\50 physical as an alternative, and threw in a last ditch offer to have my daughter visit me at my house 1 week a month. There is a lot of detail I left out, but it has mostly to do with the actions of the mother in interfering with the visitation I was getting at the time,her attorney firing her as client for lack of $11k non-payment etc., and after 2 previous court hearings I think the judge was fed up with her nonsense and granted me the 1 week deal against the advice of the psych (whom she told me would influence any decision greatly).
My daughter is very intelligent, and has shown to be very adaptable to this whole deal. Also, I don't have a myspace page, nor do I desire one. The mother has people who know computers much better than I , and I don't want her tracking my steps. I can PM you if this site has that feature?

Don, yes, I am documenting everything as it's only a matter of time before she has enough slander, false accusations and ommission of facts to make me look like I'm doing something wrong, and lies to think she can shut this thing off through the court. She has already accused me through email of some "traumatic event" that has taken place at my house in March. Complete BS.
I am trying to not take my daughters words to heart as I understand she is probably parroting her mother, but it was a clue to me that the mother will stop at nothing to disrupt our relationship and turn my daughter against me,
I just can't seem to be able to prove to the court this is happening. I am keeping the "big picture" in mind as I realize she will draw her own conclusions as to what her mother is saying, but my anger toward the mother for doing that to our child is immense.

Me and Alec, I don't understand it either. I have done nothing to warrant this behavior from the mother other than be persistent in remaining in my daughter's life and having a relationship with her the best we can given the cvircumstances. However, you don't know this woman. She is spiteful, vindictive, and ****-bent on keeping me out of my daughter;s life.
I know she thought she knew me and thought I would go away. In fact her opening offer to the court was for me to sign off on my parental rights and she wouldn't persue child support. My attorney told me the court would impose child support anyway but I refused her "offer" not for that reason. I wasn't prepared for a child at my age, but stepped up to the plate anyway because I am a child of a divorced home, and I told myself I would never let my child go through what I did. Yet here we are.
Thank you all for your thoughts so far, it does seem to help to talk about them, and I can't afford therapy.

To PM you need to get your post count over 50 and have Robin turn it on, or you can pay for membership.

If you think that she might spy on you here then reduce the personal info, like your daughters age and where you are at.

Well, it sounds as though you've already been doing a good job of taking the system on and getting more of what you should be allowed, a chance to have a relationship with your daughter through regular visitation. The unfortunate part it seems comes with the mother's end of the equation and trying to sour your daughter's opinion of her dad is much harder to try to prove, than if she's with holding visitation putting her in contempt of court. Tough spot and I'm not sure if there's really any further action to take at the moment. If you're getting your week every month make the most of that time with your daughter, try to ignore the mother's stuff....that is keep it all documented as you've been so you're ready in case, and keep on top of pursuing for more time as she gets older. A week a month for out of state visitation isn't too shabby.....is this a fairly new court order?
Eventually her mother's games will catch up to her. Just isn't fair when a parent is trying to be a parent and the other tries so hard against it. Meanwhile there's lots out there who aren't even trying to be mother or father.

Dad 3+3, I took your advice on the change to the profile. While I don't think the mother is the type to put forth the effort to become a Co-parent, and most likely wouldn't have the desire to bother with seeking to improve herself, I wouldn't put it past her to lurk on whatever boards she may think I am involved with. Point taken, and I thank you for bringing it up.

Don, Yes this is a fairly new order as of the last days of Nov. 06. My first week visit started Jan. 07 and has been ever since.
I get her for 2 weeks in June and 2 weeks in Aug. I agree there is not much else to do now but provide quality time for my daughter. We have so much fun together and other than the lack of money and dealing with the ex, I wouldn't change a thing. She is so worth the financial hardship, the giving up my long time hobbies, the selling of my race car to continue to see her, everything... She is so worth it.
All I can do now is wait for the shoe to drop, and hope I can get an evidentiary hearing. That may shed some new light on the mother's antics, and maybe a favorable judgement.
I'm not out to deny the mother anything, nor try and distance my daughter from her that's not how I roll, but she is not being a cooperative parent, and I need to prove to the court that my daughter will be better served in my custody. Lot's of details left out because I type about 20 words a minute, but the mother has an agenda and it doesn't include me and the court needs to see it somehow.