Sitting here in front of my computer, I'm reading everyone's story, and I can't help but think of the way my life is going right now. And since I never let myself think of it, I'm going to think of it now, and just let myself write it all out. I'm not doing it for sympathy, nor pity, I'm doing it, because for 3 months now I've bottle it up, and I've got to move on. Let me start from the beginning. I've always been cautious about guys, jumping in, but never jumping too deep. Till I met Jeff. From the day he walked into my work, I was his. He seemed so great. He was sweet, attentive, he had a part time job, he's older and ready to settle down. With me being a 19 year old who's never really been in a serious relationship, I thought I was finally ready. So we were inseperable, unless I was at work. Within 15 days of knowing this guy I married him. To many it seems too short, and I guess you'd be right, but to me, how can I explain? He had me from the start, and I couldn't have loved him more I don't think. When I say I'd never been in a serious relationship, I mean allowing myself to fall, I'd never lived with anyone, or let myself really love a guy before Jeff. Anyways, a few days before our one month wedding anniversary we found out I was pregnant. Jeff, who thought he could never have kids, was estatic. But within a week, things changed. We went from this happy, perfect couple, to where I preferred to be at work, because we'd always fight. When I told him he'd have to get a full time job, he was agitated, but agreed. When he still wasn't looking for a job a few days later, I told him that I wanted him to go stay with his parents until he found a job. It escalating into a big fight, with him blocking me in the bathroom and throwing things. Later that night his Mom told me she was taking him to the ER because he had hit something and cracked his hand. Anyways, we have been split up nearly 3 months now, and most of the time I'm doing ok. But my family, they expect me to be so strong. I thought marriage was for life. I want to know why he moved in with his ex two days after he went to his Mom's. I want to know why. I think I deserve these answers. Most nights, I'm ok with all that went on, but nights like tonight, I just want to give in and cry. Something I haven't let myself do. I'm trying to move on, but between hormones, and my beliefs on marriage going haywire, sometimes I just don't know. I'm keeping the baby, and I'm a little over 4 months pregnant now. I'm excited, and so very scared. But mainly, I'm lonely and I'm hurting. Was it me? Was I not good enough? Or was it that he's not ready for a baby? Or was I just a rebound from his ex? Will I ever know the answers? Will I ever be able to think of him and not want to cry? I don't know some days. But for the other six days out of the week, I'm thankful. Because this baby is my world, this baby, this little being I haven't even feel kick yet, is loved so much. And I think I'd do it all again, if I'd still get this miracle. Thanks, everyone, for just listening. And for all those who are out there, helping support. Pregnancy is scary, and I'm thankful I found this site, and I have many friends and family that are standing by me. I guess I just needed to get a load of and write what I've been feeling for so long.

Well it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Not only are you pregnant at such a young age, going through a seperation after only 3 months of marriage is a very difficult situation. But here is my advice to you. Although you are very hurt, angry, confused, depressed, remember that you are carrying a baby. Remember that you just need to keep moving, just keep moving. Granted you will be tied to this man for the rest of your life, but that is also up to you. I know that sounds really easy but trust me, after a series of terrible relationships that is the only thing that has kept me going. Is just knowing that I am capable of moving forward with my life. There is nothing worse than living in the past, it will effect every relationship that you have from this point forward. You are very lucky to have a great support system with friends and family to lean on. Take care and good luck.

Kriss, from what you write I almost wonder if what you two had was more lust than love.

You wrote - "Was it me? Was I not good enough? Or was it that he's not ready for a baby? Or was I just a rebound from his ex? Will I ever know the answers?" Will knowing these answers really make anything better? It may be hard but most likely for the best if you move foward, not only for you but for the baby.

Good luck and enjoy this pregnancy.