I posted this elsewhere but now I think I'd like it to be it's own topic so I can get a few answers...

Sorry for the double post.

I'm single and pregnant with my first child. I have decided that it would be in both my and my baby's best interest for me to move out of state to live with/near my sister and her family so I can have her support, a healthy family environment, her guidance being an experienced mother, a better job opportunity, and the proximity to my large community of friends where she is, all of whom have children, whereas none of my friends here do. I just started doing consultations with lawyers to decide how I want to proceed with my ex regarding child support and custody (I don't really want child support from him and I doubt he'd pay it anyway. To pursue it will only breed hostility and agravation that I dont care to have part of my or my childs life. I also don't feel safe with him having anything beyond supervised visitation since he is a habitual pot smoker with an "educate your child on the correct usage of drugs" philosophy which is terrifying to me, but again, I doubt he's going to pursue custody) The one disturbing thing that came out of my legal consultations was the knowledge that without a notarized written and signed letter of consent from the father giving me consent to leave, he might be able to prevent me from relocating with the child if he chose to pursue it, and could feasibly force me back here, where it isn't a healthy environment for me or my child. This stands true for married couples, but even the lawyer wasn't sure how it applied to unmarried couples and even less, how it applied to a pregnant woman who is carrying a still unborn child. I'm not so concerned about "now" since he's such a mess and unemployed. He's more concerned about money than actually caring that he's even got a child coming. I don't think he's going to give me a hard time, however I do want to protect myself and my child in the future in the event that this changes. I'd love to hear from other women who have relocated to another state and what issues they found they had with their ex. I'd also like to hear from women who have sucessfully managed to keep a drug using ex from having access to their child and what they did to insure this. Thanks much all!

Not needing the child support can work in your advantage. You can probably get him to terminate his parental rights, if he has no interest in the child. Then it's basically as if he never existed in the first place. As a general rule, an unmarried mother is given custody unless it can be proven that SHE is an unfit parent, so you shouldn't have to worry about that too much - and that would of course mean he's have to put down his bong long enough to try to take you to court anyway.
As far as the moving out of state, that's something I have been looking into too. I BELIEVE (but don't quote me on this) that you have that right as long as he has not pursued any kind of custody.
of course things very from state to state, but hope that sheds some light..

I'm in texas so that may be different from your state. But I was told that before you establish him as the legal father you don't owe him any explanations. It's after the fact that you may need permission. I moved to a different city after I found out I was pregnant. It was fine for me because I was able to establish residency in my new city before my child was born. Definitly consult more attorneys. I really think that advice is offbase because I have also never heard of a notarized document being upheld in court.

Hi, things may different from state to state, however in Texas: "Injunction and Travel: As a general rule, you have total freedom when you have possession of the child ... The only exception that always exists to the general freedom is any sort of trip that involves leaving the United States." This is from "Child Custody, Visitation, and Support in Texas -- Legal Survivors Guides" by Attorney at Law Traci Truly. I picked it up at the public library. You may want to check out the library in your state to see what's there if you're not in Texas. Also, I believe that until the biological father signs an "acknowledgment of paternity" form or is established as the father through a paternity test he doesn't have any rights over the child -- but he also doesn't have any obligation to pay child support.

Hope this helps.

QUOTE]Originally posted by camillesmom:
[qb]I posted this elsewhere but now I think I'd like it to be it's own topic so I can get a few answers...

Sorry for the double post.

I'm single and pregnant with my first child. I have decided that it would be in both my and my baby's best interest for me to move out of state to live with/near my sister and her family so I can have her support, a healthy family environment, her guidance being an experienced mother, a better job opportunity, and the proximity to my large community of friends where she is, all of whom have children, whereas none of my friends here do. I just started doing consultations with lawyers to decide how I want to proceed with my ex regarding child support and custody (I don't really want child support from him and I doubt he'd pay it anyway. To pursue it will only breed hostility and agravation that I dont care to have part of my or my childs life. I also don't feel safe with him having anything beyond supervised visitation since he is a habitual pot smoker with an "educate your child on the correct usage of drugs" philosophy which is terrifying to me, but again, I doubt he's going to pursue custody) The one disturbing thing that came out of my legal consultations was the knowledge that without a notarized written and signed letter of consent from the father giving me consent to leave, he might be able to prevent me from relocating with the child if he chose to pursue it, and could feasibly force me back here, where it isn't a healthy environment for me or my child. This stands true for married couples, but even the lawyer wasn't sure how it applied to unmarried couples and even less, how it applied to a pregnant woman who is carrying a still unborn child. I'm not so concerned about "now" since he's such a mess and unemployed. He's more concerned about money than actually caring that he's even got a child coming. I don't think he's going to give me a hard time, however I do want to protect myself and my child in the future in the event that this changes. I'd love to hear from other women who have relocated to another state and what issues they found they had with their ex. I'd also like to hear from women who have sucessfully managed to keep a drug using ex from having access to their child and what they did to insure this. Thanks much all![/qb][/QUOTE]

don't know if you have had the baby yet or what not but if you are only pregnant you can leave at anytime. The child is part of you and you are free to leave and go where ever you want. Also if you do move out of state before the child is born then have the child in that new state then he would have to file for custody of the child in that state. So go while you are still pregnant. It is much harder to leave once the baby is born.

I believe in doing what is in the best interest of the baby. So move where you want to move to and don't worry about it. But go NOW, before you have the baby. Even if you sue for support later from another state, chances are he won't go for custody or even visitation. If you don't want him around the child, don't sue for support. He won't even know where you are if you don't tell him!

I'm back. I since talked to a lawyer in my state, and HERE, I have every right to leave even after the baby arrives. If there had been anything filed with the courts (child support, paternity, etc), I would have to provide notice that I was going. And with nothing filed at all, I don't have to tell him squat. Hopefully it's the same where you live.