Hi,

I just registered today. I am 28 years old and my ex-boyfriend physically abused me just this past month. I called the police this time and just relocated to South Carolina from Ohio, where the incident took place.

I have family that has taken me in and agreed to help me get back on my feet in time to have this baby. I have no other children and I'm feeling really alone and sad that I'm not experiencing this with someone I love - even my family as great and financially supportive as they've been, have made their wishes known that they wish I wasn't pregnant. They have brought up Adoption which I can't even wrap my brain around - this baby is very much wanted and loved even though I'm only 10 weeks pregnant. I'm wondering if anyone around my age has experienced this type of response and how did you handle it? I keep telling them that I will get through anything even though I know it's going to be really hard (is hard the word????) but inside I know that as hard as it's going to get in just 7 months, I know that this is something I want more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life. I guess I'm looking for friends who are also going through a similar situation (Not necessarily leaving an abusive relationship) - It was my first and it will be my last.... but dealing with the outside world when inside I'm feeling blessed with this child. I'm READY to be a mother and I'm ready to bring a life into the world - I Just wish everyone else did too - somehow I think it'd make this a better experience - like it was going to be before he hit me.

Oh newstart,
I sure do feel for you. I know this has got to be rough. My first child I really got a lot from my family and I could not do anything right. Well we got through it and when they saw that child their hearts melted, even my tough old Dad.
You have a lot of support here, keep on posting.
Give your family a little time to adjust to the change. When they see that baby they will melt and be there for you two. Until then try to let it roll of your back and just get ready to be Mom.
God bless.

Dear Newstart,

I'am new to this site as well. I just joined today. I'am happy to hear that you called the police on that sicko..I know what you are going through. I'am pregnant as well but I also have a 22 month old little girl. When you are by yourself all sorts of thoughts come into your mind. That is great that your family is supportive but honey let me tell you something. Do not let what your family says persuade you into giving that baby up for adoption. When I was pregnant with my first daughter I was told by friends and even some family memers to consider adoption. Then I thought how could I give up this beautiful little innocent person which God has blessed me with. For someone else to raise and love. I got so scared everytime i thought that if I did give my baby up someone could abuse her or treat her badly..I was 22 when I had her When I first heard her heart beat I crid like a baby. I tell you keep your baby if no one else in ever around in your life you know that that baby is always going to be there. You are only 10 weeks pregnant you said. Wait until you hear your baby's heartbeat. When you see him or her or on the ultrasound when you first feel them kick. It is the greatest blessing in the world to be able to be a mother. It is scary and it is hard but it is worth it. Don't give your baby up honey. Keep it. I'am pregnant with my second daughter people tell me your only 24 and your pregnan again give this baby up it will be to hard. But you know what I did once and I'am doing with my first when you love someone that much who is dependant on you for eveything it makes it easy. It is hard but easy. I'am going through something similar as well in regards to the boyfriend thing. He never abused me physically but he did emotionally. I have told him that is over but he won't leave me alone he trying to scare me into coming back with him and telling me he is going to wait until i meet someone else..But when they mess up the first time I don't go back because the reality is once they do it the first time they will do it a second time....I don't want my kids going through that....You are not alone...If you want friend I'am hear for you....
God bless you You will be ok. Things will turn out right...
Aarien

i think the thing to remember is we arent alone we have each other and i think every baby chooses who they want to be born to. so lets be happy and stick together, we arent the first and we wont be the last, but lets learn from each others mistakes and successes.

Hi,

I've been wandering around the board for a while and have found some great people here.

Well anyways here is my story.....I'm 28yrs old. I have a 8yrso son and a baby due in December. My x left me on June 4th and have only seen him once in 2months. As far as abusive I was never hit in this relationship but my mind was messed w/which is just as bad. I found out on April 25th I told him on April 26th. Thinking he had a right to know. I wanted to keep it. I love it already and couldnot imgine it being gone. He was thrilled and so excited. Then the next day he came home from work and told me he would give me the money to get an abortion. I was devstated to say the least. Went down hill from there.

I am luck enough to have a mom and step father that want this baby very much. There are some of my friends out there that think i'm stupid to have it. I have my doubts but know I can be a good mom. Besides I have my son to help as well.

So there is another one out there that is going thru a simliar sit. Chat w/me anytime. I'll be gald to listen to you..

SPIRIT

well spirit seems were less and less alone everyday, my ex has been in the pic, but things have gone down hill the last few months, he resents me for having the baby and first was around then a month or so ago he told me he hated me and didnt want to be around me or the baby but called me evryday now hes called twice in two weeks and ive seen him once and if i ask him to call me back, he doesnt so i feel hes making his break. when she arrives in sept/oct (im hoping a little early because with all this stress im really not enjoying this pregnancy)i really dont know what to expect from him.

quote:

Originally posted by SPIRIT27:
[qb] Hi,

I've been wandering around the board for a while and have found some great people here.

Well anyways here is my story.....I'm 28yrs old. I have a 8yrso son and a baby due in December. My x left me on June 4th and have only seen him once in 2months. As far as abusive I was never hit in this relationship but my mind was messed w/which is just as bad. I found out on April 25th I told him on April 26th. Thinking he had a right to know. I wanted to keep it. I love it already and couldnot imgine it being gone. He was thrilled and so excited. Then the next day he came home from work and told me he would give me the money to get an abortion. I was devstated to say the least. Went down hill from there.

I am luck enough to have a mom and step father that want this baby very much. There are some of my friends out there that think i'm stupid to have it. I have my doubts but know I can be a good mom. Besides I have my son to help as well.

So there is another one out there that is going thru a simliar sit. Chat w/me anytime. I'll be gald to listen to you..

SPIRIT [/qb]

Hi Spirit

I've taken a computer break the last couple of days. I'm sorry about your ex - he sounds a little like mine - and you're right about the emotional and verbal being worse than the physical. Bruises go away but the other stuff lingers for a very long time. I completely relate to your feelings about keeping your baby -I also feel the same way and in fact I went to the Dr's on Tuesday and the baby was moving around during the ultrasound... I try to remember that when I hear things like adoption and such. One thing I'm realizing but maybe it's because I'm not as far along as you guys (HMCR) - let me know what you think - is that everyday is getting easier and easier. (as far as can I do this on my own) However last night I took my grandmother out for dinner and on the way home was thinking about Paul and wondering what he was going through right now and how he was feeling.

We're really not alone - times have changed but I think that we need to remind ourselves that these babies are blessings from the Lord and that we are some pretty loving and tough mothers to be so determined. I don't think that comes from just human nature - I think it's a resolve that comes from above - regardless of your beliefs.

Thanks so much for your post - HMCR - I'm still learning this private message thing but I promise I'll get to writing you sometime today. It's been pretty hectic and I've been exhausted in the afternoons and at night.

no problem newstart, i think it is getting harder for me now that it is getting closer but not close enough, too much time on my hands, nothing to do, shes not here yet, im bored, cant do much of what i want and he is getting farther away. i am hoping once shes gets here ill care less about him and what he thinks, its hard because its the emotional stuff of him not being here for her and also my emotional stuff of him not being here for me, i think thats what hurts the most now, its like going through a break up all over again, hell probably be here for her down the road, but im feeling a void.

I agree with HMCR -ie- that children choose who will be their parents as my son told me that one day when he was 3 yrs old (he is nearly 7 now). One day when he was 3 he walked up to me out of the blue, put his arms around my neck, kissed me on the forehead and with a big smile on his face said "I am so glad I chose you as my Mommie! I didn't want the other ones they had then." I was flabbergasted and questioned him further with"Oh, you could choose?" He said "Yes Mommie , don't you know that?! There was a bunch of them and I wanted you out of all of them!" At nearly 7 he still claims he "chose" me. so... who knows?

thats makes me feel really good to hear and hopefully someday my baby will tell me that which will make all this stress and doubt be worth it.dont mind me folks im on an emotional hormonal rollercoaster right now which seems to be getting worse, regardless of counseling, i spoke with the ex and confronted him about avoiding me or backing off he says he isnt and i explained how could i think otherwise when hes called only twice in the last two weeks, he doesnt call back and if i ask him to get together like i did today its " i dont know what im doing" ill call you back-today it was call me back later and ill let you know.
he has a 13 yo daughter which he used as an excuse , but he isnt with her that much so hes hanging out with his buddies who are bad influences is what hes doing. hes tried to make me feel like i dont want him to spend time with her, ive always encouraged it and when we lived to gether gave her her own room etc. took her on vacation-oh yeah this isnt his first child and since he got away easy with her mother he expects it with me(no child support etc)- it seems everything regardless what it is is more important, ive asked him if there is someone else he says hed tell me if there was but i dont believe him, sorry guys i just need to vent i have that deep ache in my gut that wont go away and if i dont get it out im gonna burst

I have to agree w/whiteswan about kids picking thier parents. My son claims he picked me. Last night he said mom I'm glad I have a loving mommy. What a sweetie! I always tell my mom I know i'm special w/her b/c she chose me (im adopted)!


Newstart and HMCR we are not alone in this. Just somedays it seems so alone. But now that I can feel my baby move and my son has been so loving lately that I remember I'm not alone. I have my kids too. Although I am questioning my sons motives for being so nice? It's like ok what do you exactly want kid. LOL

SPIRIT

HMCR: Don't pollute your precious mind with thoughts about the baby's father! Men like that are not worthy of our thoughts. Concentrate on you and that beautiful growing fetus inside you. Take it from one who has been there done that -ie- I told my son's dad to hit the road when I was 7 months pregnant for similar behavior as yours is demonstrating now -- they don't change by the way as he came into my son's life later and PROVED that one! So gave him the boot again and this time thank God he's gone! Get involved here (I wish I had this site when I was pregnant!), focus on your interests and yourself and that baby! Will keep both you and Newstart and ALL the other pregnant single Moms in my prayers. :love:

Here's a breif description of my situation. I have spent the last 19 years raising my daughter alone. Recently I married and within a month I discovered I had married Dr Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. Abusive, manipulative, untrustworthy, and many other negative qualities. All of which remained hidden until we were married. The kicker is that at the same time my new marriage was falling apart I found out I was pregnant. He has since been harrassing me for 3 months now, we were together for 2 months, that's a total of 5 months I'v ebeen married. Here I am 34 years old, just finished raising my daughter alone. (she just got married and moved out last week) Now I'm starting COMPLETELY over. It's hard work raising a child on your own. Before meeting my husband I had always said, "I can see the light at the end of the tunnel" well now the light is gone....it's another 18 years away.

well Name maybe this baby came to help you through this although its hard especially when you dont want the guy around ad youve already raised one child, maybe she can help you with this baby?. how long were you together before you got married? like we all keep saying, but we have to start believing these babies were obviously meant to be ad chose us, i just hope i can instill in my daughter that she should not ever put up with this and remind her father that some day some guy is going to treat his little girls the way he treats me. although i know i should tel him to go to hell which i have before, my hormones and emotions arent letting me, if i could do the things i enjoy and go out and occupy my time i could keep my mind off him, but at 32 weeks along that isnt hapening, so ill try to get through the next 8 weeks the best i can and hopefully when Hannah (thats her name)comes shell give me the strngth to tell him to go to hell as far as our relationship is concerned, as far as his responsibilities, ill let my lawyer deal with it.

my ex told me again last night he isnt avoiding me or seeing someone else and that i broke up wth him and now hes going out and having fun i want him around. i reminded him ive wanted him around for 8 months, hes the one backing off, he said hed call, well see. im going to try like hell not to pick up the phone to call him, all i know is if this amount of stress continues, ill be having issues, i havent been feeling good and my stress level, hormones, depression are all putting a strain on me and the baby so well see what the doc says next week i may end up going on leave early. ive given him every opportunity to settle things and come to an agreement outside court but i guess he wants to do things the hard way.

HMCR-

I totally understand how you are feeling. My babys father is very distant- isn't it nice how men can just walk away but we have to deal with reality everyday. I am 30 weeks and expecting a baby girl! I really want her father to be around for lots of reasons, but he just seems to think his life is so complicated because he has a job and a 5 yr old son. He has a good job and a lot of nice things, I am a waitress and I have to struggle everyday for the things I need. Yet this whole ting has nothing to do with money, I want him to be there for her because I know how my relationship is with my father and its awesome I want Gracie to have that chance. It is not her fault that her father and I are not together so why should I have to tell her someday down the road that her father wanted nothing to do with her? And as much as I sit here and say that I only want him around for her, it's not true, I wish I had someone to rub my back and feet when I get home from waitressing all day and someone to laugh with me when I watch my belly move because my daughter is doing flips in there! I cried myself to sleep the first time I felt her kick with my hand, b/c I thought that should have been her fathers hand. He has just made things so confusing for me b/c one day he wants to be a father to her and the next, he just cant handle his life and wants to go to Iraq or run his car into a tree! He also needs to get some help b/c hes suffering from severe depression. I will quit rambling now, I just wanted you to know I am here and I understand how bad it hurts!