Hi, I'm new here, and as u all have done have decided to share my story with u. I'm 24 and 6.5months pregnant. The "sperm donor" (who unfortunatley I was in love with) has not spoken to me since I told him last September. It has been hard, though i do have I have a support network of freinds and family.. but I am getting more worried as the due date becomes closer.. Things like.. What do I do if he decides to come back? (as i am stil in contact with his parents, this could be likely)Do I put him on the birth certificate? What do I eventually tell my child? Any ideas?

first off:

:welcome: wow our stories are extremely similar. i'm also 24, but found out i was preggie at 6.5 months. i know. told the dad. don't have any way of contacting him now at all. the question you should ask yourself is do you want him to pay support? if you do, then you need his info on the birth certificate for that to take place. if he decides to come back, try to discuss civily (sp?) possible custody arrangements. if he's not civil about it, though he wants to see child then take it court. i really feel for you dear. it's really hard to deal with the stress and anxiety of pregnancy alone. just know that everyone on this site is wonderful and pretty much know exactly what your going through. it's awesome that you have family and friends to support you as well...i have that as well...we're the lucky ones i guess. just remember in the tough pregnancy times, that in just a few months you'll have the most BEAUTIFUL gift anyone could EVER ask for or receive. all of my fears melted away when i held my daughter for the first time (god i'm such a sap i'm starting to cry). anyways, we're here for you hun. :huggies:

I am in a similiar situation, except my husband, the father, left me first when I was barely pregnant and then again after we reconciled at 2 1/2 months. That sounds confusing, let me explain. I let him back into my life at 2 1/2 months pregnant. But guess what he abandoned us again at 6 1/2 months, so either way it is abandonment. It sounds like the father of your baby has abandoned you. If he can do it once, my experience tells me he will do it again and believe me it is much harder the second time. Plus, would you want him to effect your child the same way he effected you. I too was/still in love, but how can we be with a man that can abandon a women at that time in life. I understand that relationships don't work out but every other man I know would at least make sure he has a part in making sure your pregnancy and impending motherhood is comfortable. I had to cut his parents out of my life because it would fill me with hope that he would be a different person but that is just not the case. He is not his family. As far as the baby having his name, it doesn't have to but I think if your not married, at least in the state of California, you have to have him sign something that he is the father or establish paternity in some way. Because you do want him to pay support, it is the least I mean very least he can do. Good luck, I know how you feel I sure didn't expect to become a single mom and alone through a pregancy but ask yourself, if he were in the picture would it be a positive experience?

quote:

Originally posted by TiggerGal:
[qb] Hi, I'm new here, and as u all have done have decided to share my story with u. I'm 24 and 6.5months pregnant. The "sperm donor" (who unfortunatley I was in love with) has not spoken to me since I told him last September. It has been hard, though i do have I have a support network of freinds and family.. but I am getting more worried as the due date becomes closer.. Things like.. What do I do if he decides to come back? (as i am stil in contact with his parents, this could be likely)Do I put him on the birth certificate? What do I eventually tell my child? Any ideas? [/qb]

Hey Ya'll,

I had my daughter when i was 24. Her dad and I do not talk and he rarely calls to see how she is. When you are making decisions now about your relationship with him you have to think of your child first. Make every attempt you can to get the father involved in your child's life within the first year. You will have to be proactive. Do it while the baby doesn't understand that the man visiting is the father. This is what i have done and i am very glad that i tried even though my daughter's father is non existent; that way i can look in the mirror and know that i did all i could.

When he comes knocking on the door set limits with him as far as your relationship with him but let him know that he has access to your child because it is his child too. The ball is in his court, if he is not responsible within that first year then you will have to place the ball back in your court and take legal action to get full custody of your child and file for support. I don't want to run you down with so many words, but the bottom line is that you have to focus on what is best for the baby. You don't have to have a relationship with him for him to be involved with the baby.

I was worried about what to do if my baby's father comes back in the picture too. He still just might come back in the picture. BUT, what has given me a lot of peace is getting informed. I just started researching and finding out what my rights were.

If I understand the information that I read recently on the Department of Child Support Services website (in California), my ex's name cannot be on the birth certificate unless he signs the Declaration of Paternity Form while @ the hospital. [This form only applies to unmarried parents]. If he cannot sign the Declaration of Paternity form @ the hospital and does not want to sign it voluntarily, there are processes to go through to determine that he is the father. Once those processes are completed he'll sign the Declaration of Paternity form and the birth certificate must then be ammended (not sure of the cost to do this).

Also, if I understood what I read correctly, I don't think my ex's name can be the same the baby's unless he signs the form.

This info took a lot of stress off me because I didn't have any decisions to make. I also found out that the Dept. of Child Support Services pays for paternity tests, etc. Which is nice! Anyway...good luck and what worked for me is INFORMATION.

:huggies:

Hey Guys
Thanks heaps for all your help.. I am truly sorry that this has happened to other people (yes, I am naiive enough to think that this is like a one-off thing) and thank you all for your advice. Take care