am 25 and 5 1/2 months pregnant. I dated my bf for 3 years (on and off)- typical dysfunctional relationship. The last time we broke up was 1 week b/4 I found out that I was pregnant and 2 weeks before he started dating his new girlfriend.
I am very angry and resentful and worry that the resentment I feel will carry over to my son once he is born. I have been trying to remain positive but I have been feeling so alone and depressed. I don't know why I am having such a hard time moving on, especially since I know that my ex isn't someone that I want to share my life with.
We both did and said so much that can't be taken back or forgotten. It just really hurts me that he has no compassion for what I am going through. I feel like he is very cold and hurtful. I shouldn't care, but I do. I just want to move on and I'm not sure if I am making the right choices to help me do that.
I think that he is an alcholic(functional) and worry about him drinking around our son. He drank every night, sometimes only a few beer but even if it's only a few...still alters his ability to be available for his child. Everything seems so overwhelming. I just hope that it gets easier with time. I'm so indecisive about things. I don't know what typical custody arrangments are...if he still wants a relationship once the child is actually born. I guess I'm having a hard time accepting that I have no real control over his behavior and actions as a father. I would appreciate any insight.

jennca,
I replied to your other posts too because I am a little concerned about you and mostly I know how you feel. I sometimes feel resentment towards my ex now, I'll be honest. Take tonight for example...my son cried from the second we got home from daycare at 4:00 till I just laid him down at 7:30! He was just tired and cranky and everything upset him tonight-it was horrible! Where's his dad, the one who is supposed to be there to help me on a night like tonight...um...who knows? My son's dad originally told me he wanted nothing to do with our baby, he wanted me to have an abortion and made it clear. Since my son was born 2 1/2 years ago he has had a variety of mood changed in regard to fatherhood. He has went from paying no support to paying some, he goes through times when he's too busy to visist to times where he screams at me because I won't let him have my son in a shared custody arrangement. It's a constant emotional rollercoaster and it is really hard. If I were you I would avoid all of this right now! Lay it out for him tell him (or ask) what he wants in this child's life. If he's an alcoholic DO NOT let him see your son alone!!!! You don't have to do anything if it endangers your son. If he's like my ex you will have to teach him to be a father, it's really like having two kids! Maybe you should see a lawyer and work this out before the stresses of motherhood are upon you, I think it would ease your worries and set things straight. Good luck, keep in touch! Jakesmommy

Thanks for your advice. I am just feeling so confused and scared. I mean I knew going in that I was going to being doing this alone but it's like every day I deal with the fact that I am having a baby and he is incapable of being supportive. I get so angry and act in ways that I end up regretting. When we first broke up, I felt okay, I told him what I was doing and didn't allow him to push me into having an abortion. I know that he is probably resentful and angry as well...but he was just as much a part of this as I was. Now he takes the easy way out and says that he thought I was taking the pill. He acts like I intentionally did this to trap him. My emotions go from wanting to work it out and be a family to realizing that it would never work! I just feel so frustrated.
We had initially decided not to go through the courts, but we cannot be friends so I don't know of any other way to do it. I actually talked to an attorney and I am going to start filing the paperwork with the courts in a month or so. I hope that once things are more settled, I will be able to relax and enjoy being a mommy. I appreciate your advice about things. It's so nice to be able to express my fears and concerns and have someone understand.
I just don't know how to let go of wanting it to be different. Wanting to be a family.

quote:

Originally posted by jennca:
[qb]am 25 and 5 1/2 months pregnant. I dated my bf for 3 years (on and off)- typical dysfunctional relationship. The last time we broke up was 1 week b/4 I found out that I was pregnant and 2 weeks before he started dating his new girlfriend.
I am very angry and resentful and worry that the resentment I feel will carry over to my son once he is born. I have been trying to remain positive but I have been feeling so alone and depressed. I don't know why I am having such a hard time moving on, especially since I know that my ex isn't someone that I want to share my life with.
We both did and said so much that can't be taken back or forgotten. It just really hurts me that he has no compassion for what I am going through. I feel like he is very cold and hurtful. I shouldn't care, but I do. I just want to move on and I'm not sure if I am making the right choices to help me do that.
I think that he is an alcholic(functional) and worry about him drinking around our son. He drank every night, sometimes only a few beer but even if it's only a few...still alters his ability to be available for his child. Everything seems so overwhelming. I just hope that it gets easier with time. I'm so indecisive about things. I don't know what typical custody arrangments are...if he still wants a relationship once the child is actually born. I guess I'm having a hard time accepting that I have no real control over his behavior and actions as a father. I would appreciate any insight.[/qb]

the resentment im SURE will not carry over to your baby. you need to take this time and think for yourself and your child. i know its easier said then done and i did have moments of complete breakdown while or after talking to him. i too was alone and dated my on and off boyfriend for a few years. im sorry that someone has hurt you like this but im going to feel more sorry for you if you take him back. I KNOW I REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. i want to take my ex back at times if he would come into the picture but thats where the resentment lingers. there could never be a relationship when you have so much resentment. he hasnt been there for you! write down a list of cons and pros of him benefiting your new lifestlye with your child and you. if you think he has a drinking problem you should contact a lawyer and tell him all that you feel and know that is going to be in the best interest of your child! right now you are filled with soooooooo many emotions your hormones are going haywire. hey i said " if i never pee or cry for 3 mo after i have this baby ill be happy" i felt thats what i did a lot! surround yourself with people that mirror yourself!!!! you need to know that you are a wonderful person for doing what you are. a lot of people cannot. life is way too short to worry about someone thats going to make it unhappy for you. you cannot change a person they only can change themselves. all things do pass and before you know it you are going to take a few seconds you have and look back and see a list of things that you did that is so great! little things add up. i believe you arent given anything that you cannot handle. so that means to me you are a very strong, powerful, beautiful soul!now as i reread what im saying to you it sounds that im all positive and happy. i am just like you trying to make my way in life. there are going to be really hard days, bitter sweet moments and a jungle of weird life changing alters inbetween. nothing is as rewarding as looking at yourself after the birth of your child and saying I DID THIS.I PULLED THROUGH AND FOLLOWED WHAT HEART TOLD ME TO DO AND IM PROUD. he is the one missing out.you dont want control over him bcs he wont turn out to be what you want anyways bcs he isnt the one you are ment to be with. in time though we will find our other half to share this life and our children with. in the mean time think of what you have that is going to benefit this child. education for example! you can still follow your dreams its just a bumpier road to get there but thats fine too! you only come out of it as a wiser, more lesson learned person. plus you are more proud of it then you would of been the other way around. CONGRATULATIONS MAMA! your life is just begun.

Wow, your ex sounds so similiar to mine in so many ways. We too had initially decided not to go through the courts, but now have decided, even though we can civilly get along that it is in the best interest of our son. My ex even after our son was born pushed adoption....he was more big on the adoption thing than the abortion thing which is good, but still, he wanted me to give up my child! I know that the real reason he wanted it and I am sure still wants the adoption thing so much, is so that he won't have to pay. Cheap SOB.
My ex too believed that I entrapped him by getting pregnant. His friends really pushed him into believing that. Like I told him, I could have thought of a much better way to keep him with me than getting pregnant. Like he stayed with me even being pregnant?? Yeah right! It's like I told him....why would I put myself through all of that, and live a life struggleing to make ends meet half the time for my child and I just to keep your sorry A$$??? He really thinks highly of himself...

So, I do know what you are going through, so if you want to talk get a hold of me, I would love to just rant and rave about our ex's together!

Hi Bear and Emily,
Thanks for your replies. It is nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I was feeling good for a month or so and then a few weeks ago I started to be completely emotional. I feel like I don't have control over anything. I start crying out of the blue and more recently, my ex has been on my mind 24-7. I feel like something is wrong with me! I don't want to have feelings for him anymore but I do. I hate that he has a new girlfriend and that she has become the priority...not me, and definitely not his child! My entire pregnancy, he has been with someone else. I am so angry and heartbroken. A week after I told him about the baby, he started dating her. I have to think that I broke up with him for a reason and just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean that we should be together! It's probably more of a reason that we shouldn't be. I just don't know how to get through all of these emotions.
I was a little psycho recently and told his new girlfriend that we had kissed/messed around in early Jan...(which was true) but she didn't believe me. I really regret saying anything because it was completely pyschotic of me. I just wanted to make him hurt as much as I was! I feel so alone right now and so pissed off!! Thanks for listening and letting me vent..
ps= if either of you want to talk, email me at jpritt*thgaz.com. I would love to have someone to talk to who understands.

I know you have heard this before, and you probably don't want to believe it but things will get better. Sure sometimes they get worse before they get better, but they do get better, trust me. It always seems to me that I will be having the greatest day and then all of a sudden everything will come crashing down around me. But, everything gets better again. Yeah, sometimes it seems like a neverending cycle, but the good things and moments do outweigh the bad by far. Lately when things start to seem like they are all going to hell I remind myself that there is going to be a good moment coming along very soon that will totally outweigh the bad that just happened. And sure enough, it does. Have faith, even though it is hard to at times because from my experience having that faith makes things so much better, and you have something to believe in. Keep us updated!

Thanks for your encouragement. I do know that it will get better. It wont always be this difficult. I just have to get through this and try to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. It should be an amazing thing and I am tired of allowing my ex to encrouch on that. I get so mad at myself for still wanting us to work things out. It is so ridiculous, but I would still go back to him if he asked. I hate that!!
I am so tired of feeling sad. I am trying to stay strong. I really don't want the stress I feel to impact my son. I just worry so much about how everything will work out.
His family hates me and encourages the way he treats me. No one connected with him has been even remotely supportive. We dated for 3 years and spent tons of time with his parents. As soon as they found out that I was pregnant, they stopped talking to me. They act like none of this is happening to me. Like they are the only people impacted by this. It makes me so angry. Grrrr!!! There is absolutely no consideration for what I am going through.