Hi everyone. Just a short rundown of the situation before I get lost in my rant, but, I’m 22, active duty military, and 21 wks pregnant by a married man. As if finding out he was married and had been lying to me wasn’t bad enough, my chain of command wants to fry him (b/c in the military, adultery is a serious offense).

So now he making all kinds of threats to me, saying that if any of this hurts his military career, he’ll do everything he can to make my life miserable. He’s threatened to try and file for sole custody, stating that he and his wife would be able to provide a home I never could. He’s threatened to have his wife lie for him and file harassment charges against me for our relationship before I found out he was a lying, cheating SOB. (I guess its easier for her to hate me then him, b/c she obviously can’t forgive him if its his fault, so through some twisted rationale, she’s made it mine.) And the list goes on and on.

The bottom line is that the situation is getting uglier and more horrible by the minute. I didn’t ask for any of this, I just fell in love with a man who filled me full of lies. And now I have to deal with this alone. I’m already an emotional train wreck, and it seems like he goes out of his way to make it worse everyday. I know that my child deserves a mother and a father, but I can’t deal with this torment he puts me through. I simply can’t spend another hour on the phone with him yelling and crying and trading insults and threats. It’s not emotionally healthy, and I need to heal.

I want to ask him to sign over paternal rights, no child support, no visitation, nothing, and just go away. Is this a rash decision? Has anyone else gone through a similar situation where either the mother or father gave up all rights to the child? And if I do go this route, do we have to go to a lawyer, or can we handle this out of court?
I just want to start over, and put all of this ugliness behind me.

Hmmmm...I dont know a lot about the military.

I would think you'd want to:
- consult an attorney before proceding.
- not have anything other than written communication with him from now on, ( tell him he make you nervous or something and you're more comfortable with writing.)
- Honestly I dont see how any court would take a baby from it's mother cause another home seemed to be more fit..without first proving the other unfit.
- I say he's just blowing smoke out his @** to scare you.

I agree with Paul, get an attorney involved.

And don't let him scare you about him and his wife taking custody, very likely not going to happen unless he could prove you unfit to the courts.....so do at least be careful with communication with him.

Also, as to signing away parental rights...that's usually very hard to get, unless they are willing to sign over those rights, but even more so that there is someone else (such as if you were married) that was ready to step up and sign adoption papers and assume those rights (responsibilities)

For some reason this one has really gotten under my skin.

So let add a few things...or amend a few things.

Ignore him...COMPLETELY.

If this guys is worried about his career, it's clear he's putting the his interests before that of his child. Which also make him a poor parent.

He would have to "prove you unfit" if that were the case the military would have to also say this...and for an active duty soldier, that's not likely to happen without seriously good cause.

If he tries to come after you for parental right...tough....at this point he has none, without exposing his part in this and PERSONALLY putting his career at risk by doing so.

I Say F*** him! Put in writing that you intend to take care of your baby on your own, and would not dare letting a stranger try to take your baby from you...in fact quite the opposite!

But, by all means print this thread out...and talk to an attorney before proceding. Lot of them give a free initial consulation.

Good luck.

good point Paul.....this guy has no rights at the moment to even be concerned about that. Unless he actually starts filing for visitation/custody or whatever and goes through the legal system to get anything along those lines, he has NOTHING. And, he can't really do that until after the baby is born if he was even going to do that then, it really does sound more like he's lashing out because he's now afraid he made a mess he can't just sweep under the rug.
So yep, relax as best you can and ignore him and his threats.

Thank you all for your quick responses. I've been really emotional and upset all day, and I think this is just what I needed to "hear." I really like the idea of putting everything in writing, and as of tomorrow morning I'll have a new telephone number so he can't call and upset me like this anymore. It really stinks that I've gotten myself into this situation, but I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. Its time to take action and remove myself from the situation before it gets worse. Thanks again for being there SFV! These last few weeks have been really hard, and its helped having other people out there.

Hey Gurrl!...that's what were here for.



Of course,...there always the italian option involving baseball bats. Dats always a gud diversion for us guys. Heh heh heh.

I'm already afraid my older brothers will get wind of this from my mom and come looking for a fight While its a great daydream, legally it would probably be best to take your first bit of advice. ....then again, hehehe...

Hi aleef
I'm new but I know alot about the military. I'm kind of on the other end of the spectrum though. I'm four months pregnant and my husband is leaving me for the other woman. It's a long story but I'd be willing to share with you all I know about chain of command and adultery charges. Hope your pregnancy is going well

"So now he making all kinds of threats to me, saying that if any of this hurts his military career, he’ll do everything he can to make my life miserable"

shouldn't he have thought about that before embarking upon a new relationship?

He's only out for himself and he'll be no parent to that child... forget him.