Hello All-
I am 26 years old and I am 6 weeks pregnant. I have an appointment tomorrow to have the pregnacy terminated. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT! I am only thinking about it STILL for the father. He is 25 and not ready for a child. I don't know if I am really either but I would do everything in my power to make a good life for my baby with or without him.
I need some serious advice and fast. I have support from home. My parents said they will suppoort my decision as gradparents but the finacial load is up to me, which scares me to death. I have a decent job but nothing to raise a child alone on.
Bottem line is all the Negetives are not out weighing the positive fact that this is my child and my heart is telling me to do it, even if this man is going to walk away.
Any advice will help. Thanks
BBeanBB

I would advise to go with your heart.

How will you feel if you go through it? How will feel about it 1 yr down the road? How about 3, 5 or 10 years down the road?
How will you feel if you ever(want to) get pregnant again?

If you dont go through with it and you have this baby. How will you feel? Will it be worse or better than having the abortion?

From the post I read from you, you already know the answers. Please make the right decision for yourself, weather or not you do it.
And either decision, we are here for you.

When in doubt, DON'T!

Do not do anything unless it is what YOU want...the father of your baby may not be ready for a child, but you are pregnant, and it sounds as if you have serious doubts about having the pregnancy terminated.

Listen, everybody here on this board will tell you, being a single parent is definitely a difficult road to take, and most of us have not chosen that path voluntarily...it happened for whatever the reason, and the point remains it happened (single parent-hood).

I think you said it best here:

quote:

Bottem line is all the Negetives are not out weighing the positive fact that this is my child and my heart is telling me to do it, even if this man is going to walk away.

You have emotional support from your family (BIG PLUS), and if he walks, he walks, there is nothing you can do about that. One would hope he will step up to the plate sooner, rather than later, but yes, you do have to face the facts that IF you decide to have this child, he may decide to step out of your life....his loss.

So, my only advice to you, is do what you feel is right (and I already know the answer to that), and believe me, the struggles will be there, but you will get through this....just make sure the decision you make is one you can live with and is a decision you make.

And remember, this board has some wonderful people who are willing to listen, and to offer some sound advice of what we have been through and continually struggle with everyday, the good times and the bad times, and the common bond that ties us all together, that of being a single parent.

Tough call bean,

I think you're struggling because there is a part of you that is saying you want this but the other part is trying to keep everyone else happy. But everyone else is not deciding this and they really don't have to live with your decision. You do.

So whatever you decide, decide for yourself because this is really only your decision. And excuse me here for assuming but isn't a life partner supposed to offer support? If he leaves because you have made a decision, then that's not support is it?

If you're wondering if you could raise this child alone, I invite you to read the forums. You can do it but it isn't easy. Still, the rewards outweigh grief and struggle. And we have many successful single parents here raising wonderful beautiful children.

Do what is best for you. And only you.

Hi Bean,
I normally try to stay away from this issue, but well I am not perfect either.
I don't think anyone is "ready" for a baby no matter how much they think they are. My husband and I were'nt and after 9 of our own, 2 steps, and 3 foster kids later we still were not totally sure about everything. Now that he is gone I really wonder sometimes if I can make it through. I do and I am.
You really need to follow your heart here. The baby is the totally innocent one here. If you really do not feel you can take care of him/her you may want to consider adoption. There are a lot of great organizations out there with counselors that will help you in decision making.
We lost 3 of our girls, and I did nothing wrong to create their deaths. It was different circumstances each time, but I still felt and feel guilty at times. I blamed myself with each one, and there is nothing I could have done to change it. You can. You have a choice, would you really be able to live with yourself?
As for him, he had *** too. You did not do it alone and you both are old enough to know what can happen. Time for him to grow up and face the music, take responsibility for his actions.
You said "THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT" then don't do it! You are an adult and you need to take control too. Take it and save this baby!

Hello Everyone
Thank you all for your advice. Just so that you all know I have not done anything. I cancelled the appointment and I am still seriously thinking about my decision.
Thanks again and I know I have a lot to think about.

Bean

Bean~
Everyone is right when they say it is your decision. I have an almost two year old son who I have raised on my own since he was 8 months old. His father does pay child support and does see him every other weekend. When I first found out I was pregnant I knew my mother wasn't going to be supportive. When I told her she called me every name in the book but now that he is here she loves him more than anything and I have proved to her that I can raise him alone. I have never asked her for a dime. I work full time and I go to school at night. I know this decision is hard but you have to do what is right for you!! A friend of mine got pregnant and she decided to terminate the pregnancy on her mothers request. She is now so unbelievably miserable. She didn't do it because she wanted to but because her mother wanted her to. I know you will make the right choice for you. Good luck with everything.

Thank You. I have a question? Who watches your child while you are working and in school? How expensivve is it. I have a lot of experencie with child care. I have worked in day care centers and i curently a Nanny for four children. I was just wondering, if you don't mind sharing. Thanks
Bean

quote:

Originally posted by Lovebug:
[qb] Bean~
Everyone is right when they say it is your decision. I have an almost two year old son who I have raised on my own since he was 8 months old. His father does pay child support and does see him every other weekend. When I first found out I was pregnant I knew my mother wasn't going to be supportive. When I told her she called me every name in the book but now that he is here she loves him more than anything and I have proved to her that I can raise him alone. I have never asked her for a dime. I work full time and I go to school at night. I know this decision is hard but you have to do what is right for you!! A friend of mine got pregnant and she decided to terminate the pregnancy on her mothers request. She is now so unbelievably miserable. She didn't do it because she wanted to but because her mother wanted her to. I know you will make the right choice for you. Good luck with everything. [/qb]

Bean,
If you contact your local child services they should be able to give you a list of aides from child care to help with rent if you need it. Since you have experiance in the child care profession have you thought about having your own daycare? I have run a daycare now for 7 years and love it. It has grown into quite a business and has more than provided for me and the family. I started with an in my home daycare and have now purchased a house just for daycare and have employees who work for me. With proper money management you can do anything and have anything.

Bean,
I too worked in childcare... forever. As a nanny you could discuss with your employer the posibility of having the baby with you at work perhaps part time. If you are willing to leave your job there is another possibility too. Alot of childcare centers offer reduced rates for their employees. You could look into a situation like that since you are qualified. Child care costs can be an overwhelming factor, but I think there are always options available. Let me know if you need any other ideas

I am a profesional daycare provider.I am lucky enough to run my own buisness instead of working in a facility which I have done as well.Where I live daycare can be pretty expensive up to $600 a month for one child which I believe to be rediculous but the state pays for a majority of it so you should see if your state does the same thing.If so you could only have to pay about $100 a month.I personally take care of children whos parents can't afford that much and the state won't pay for them because they claim they make to much money your best bet would be to look into the state funding and if nothing else find someone like me who just loves to be around kids even if the pays not great

If you are currently a nanny to four children is there any chance that you could mind your baby when you have him/her aswell as looking after them?