I feel like all I do is whine these days. Two days ago I had a birthday, and the father-to-be was extremely nice. I had a great time with him and got lots of presents. He has been totally supportive ever since I found out I was pregnant. People keep telling me how lucky I am.

So I am bugged because last night he went out with the guys. Not a problem, but when he decides to go out, it's an all night thing, and even though we talk every day a couple times a day, when it's time to go out, he disappears. It's like either/or. Either he is all there with me or he is totally not with me.

When we dated about 4 years ago, the same problem existed. He is a single dad and I understand the need to have time for himself. What I do not understand is why the either/or. What about a call before heading out for the evening?

Yes he called first thing this morning. But I have not wanted to talk, because I don't want to argue. He knows this bugs the h--- out of me, but why is it asking so much to not disappear completely? Is this what I have to look forward to when the baby comes? Him being there a good part of the time, but having to disappear for a day or two every once in awhile?

I don't want relationship stress while pregnant. I don't even know if we are meant for the long term. But just because he is nice and supportive does that mean the "disappearing acts" are okay? It makes me feel like I would rather just go this alone, than have to take whatever behavior he dishes out.

bnhgal

bnhgal, I am not clear by your post, but i assume that you and the dad-to-be are together. You never have to take what kind of behavior anyone dishes out, you can always end the relationship. If that is what you really want. Everyone needs a break now and then from each other. If he is available in case of emergencey and is not cheating on you I do not see what the big deal is. I no that you are proboly thinking that you dont get any breaks from being pregnant and this is true. It is also unfair but that is how life is, men cant have the babies (i wish they could). As far as going at it alone if that is what you really want then you should do it, but think hard about a decision like that. I havent talked to my babys dad-to-be for monthes. He has not supported me in any matter and we are not even friends any more. I am lonely all the time, every night. This is not the way I pictured my life and most days it is really hard. I am not saying that you have no right to complain and of course you know that it could always be worse. You just need to think , if there was no baby on the way would you be with him.

I'm not totally clear either, but I agree with the idea of a phone call saying, "I'm not gonna be home, see you in the morning." Simple respect for 2 people who live together.

But I do agree with W2BHappy, if he's not cheating, and is available, I wouldn't worry yet. But if you are together, you need to make it clear what kind of behavior is acceptable NOW, and what your expectations of him are going to be once the baby arrives. (but be nice about it, try not to sound overbearing and mean) Explain that you worry when he doesn't come home or call.

If you are together now, let him have a little fun and freedom now. As long as he touches base so you don't worry. But make sure he understands that he will have to be there for the baby when the time comes.

Hi,

Thanks for responding, and to make it clear, we are together, but everything happened so fast that we didn't get time to really court before I found out I was pregnant. So most of what I have to go on is when we were together four years ago.

He is a good person, and very nice. I don't have a problem with him going out. My female logic just doesn't understand the lack of contact.

I just talked to a great friend(that I met here by the way!)and she reminded me that the most important thing is to focus on me and being strong for my baby, because our thing may work out or it may not. I remember my cousin said the same thing a long time ago, and at that time I thought, "Whaddya mean, it may not work out?" But this is the reality.

I think I shall cease with calling him, and just get back to focusing on keeping myself sane. It's hard to let go of the anger at his behavior, but he just doesn't get it anyway. I wish that he was the type of guy to need me a little more, but as my buddy I met here said, she had a guy who was very attentive and affectionate, but he also could not hold down a job. <sigh>. I guess you have to kind of decide what you can live with.

bnhgal