I know it's a little early in the game. I am 22 years old, a full-time student, not financially secure and living at home with my parents and I found out I am going to be a mom. First off I am scared to tell my parents because they always belittle me, tell me how I always screw up my life, they are very strict and we don't have the best relationship. Next thing....I am having a baby with my ex. I told him on Friday and he's talked to me about it a little bit indirectly but he's not understanding that it's time for both of us to grow up and we can't avoid it now that I have confirmed it. I keep telling him that we have to talk about this. He won't get together with me, he always wanted to talk through text message or Instant message. This is so hard on me. Although I am utterly clueless and scared, I am excited. At least he said he'll go to my first doctor appointment with me. I understand he's probably still in shock about this all but I hope and pray he comes around. I know we need to talk about everything and I know some things that we need to talk about but can anyone give me some advice to what me and him should all discuss? I need to start saving money, I need to get out on my own and out of my parents house, I know for a fact they are going to kick me out once they find out. I really feel like I don't have any support except from my best friend. My mind is racing a mile a minute. I know deep down I can do this, it's just very scary to think about it. Especially how am I going to raise a kid with my ex. He's graduating from college in December and thinks the only suitable solution is for him to join the army which I think is utterly retarded. He doesn't realize how much I am going to need his help throughout all this, especially after the baby is born.


Someone help! I need advice.

Well First off congradulations! Now slow down take a deep breath and relize the only one ur going to b able to count on through this is urself. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I believe I to b the truth. He-at least at this point does not want the child. Nothing u do or say will cahnge him. he needs to come around on his own or he might never come around. Quit worring about him and focus on urself and ur baby. I am going through the exact thing. I found out he cheated on me I kicked him out of the house (I;m unemployed at the moment) and later that afternoon I found out I was carrying his baby. He won't even return my phone calls! Your parents might surprise u and give u support. The baby is their flesh and blood! Get a plan for ur immediate future (school, job,money etc) and go to them in a mature rational manner. If they don't respond warmly then at least u have a plan! But please do not count on ur ex for anything-if u don't rely on him u will come out of this a strong and confident new momma! Good Luck!

Both Nikki and scaredsingleprego. I am going through the same thing and have only heard from my ex once becasue he didnt want me going after him for child support, after all I am supposed to be worried about what this will do to him and his pregnant fiance (the one he cheated on me with and knocked up a couple days before he got me prego). I am now 6 months pregnant and it gets so much easier!! You DO NOT NEED HIM!! You will be able to work this out on your own. Scaredsingleprego had some very good advice and it is exactly what I did when I found out that I was expecting. You need to worry about yourself and that wonderful life that is growing inside of you, that is the most important thing. Not some selfish man that has no care anyways. If you need anything this is a great place to ask questions and vent so I hope you stick around. We will be the support you need.

Hi Nikki CONGRATULATIONS,Take a deep breath and relax I agree with scaredsingleprego and jenn25chizzy if he is acting up you dont need him because now is not the time for you to be stressing.You have support here plenty of it and you never no your parents might help you out big time.If he keeps playing around when its time to talk to you forget him hes not worth it.AND

thanks everybody! i am so relieved to have your support. I haven't told my parents but my mom's relationship with me has just gotten worse so I highly doubt it'll get any better once they find out i'm pregnant. She is trying to control my life and i'm 22 years old and has threatened to kick me out by july 1st. I am trying not to stress because it's not good for the baby but ugh. My parents and I have a very estranged relationship. :-( As for the baby daddy. He has contacted me on instant messenger and I honestly think he's still in shock and trying to come to terms with it all. I am giving him until July 18th our first doctor appointment to come around and want to talk and deal with all this. He is definitely going to have to prove himself but until then all I am going to do is worry about me and my little bubble. lol. I guess I have to take it one step at a time, take it day by day and see what happens. I know I just found out a week ago but I am getting so excited! I can't wait for my bundle of joy to start growing and until he or she arrives. My due date is in February and that just seems too far away. I may not have money and I may have little to no support but I am going to make this work. :-)

Nikki, this may be a dumb question but I am no geography major lol.....Where is Kenosha??

It's in Wisconsin. It's about 1 hour from Chicago and 1 hour from Milwaukee.

First, congrats!

I agree with alot here.

I know it's extremely emotional (I went preggers without my ex) and was more confused and scared and joyful than I've ever been in my life (and I'm over ten years older than you). You clearly have a lot on your plate.

However, you are lucky because you have lots of time to plan, plan, plan! My advice is to check out every possible option and service there is. (WIC, SSI, Housing, counseling, etc. in your community). Also, does your school have services (loan options, daycare, family housing?)? Another resource is your OBGYN. They know how to access alot of services.

Also, you never know what a baby can do to a relationship with your own parents. I was estranged from my father for ten years and when he showed up at the hospital to visit I couldn't believe it! So maybe they will be there for you and your baby. If not, (and I guess if things do work out with your parents) my biggest piece of advice is search out your options now. My biggest regret is spending so much time trying to figure out what my ex was going to do that I didn't spend time figuring out my own future! I am now, but it could have been easier if I started earlier.

So good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks everyone for your support. Now that it's been over a week a half since I found out my mind has gotten a lot clearer and things are finally calming down and settling in. I don't know what I'd do without the support of my best friend and her fiance and my best friend's sister and brother in law. I told my cousin Jessica also who I trust and confided in a few other friends and I am so grateful to have you all for support as well. I know now that I am going to be okay and although it's going to be very hard it's going to be well worth it.

I am eligible for a lot that Wisconsin has to offer. Medicaid, WIC and other services. I am working as my best friend's nanny and will eventually get a full time job. I am going to continue going to the technical college and earn my Associates degree in the program Human Services Associate (social work). The college has a great day care as well for when that time comes. So I do have a plan and as all my friends have told me I won't be homeless. I pray that I am not, it's still a worry in my mind. As for the baby daddy, I just have to take it day by day but right now my main concern is my baby and my future. But I got a firm plan as of right now. I may have little now but things will change. I am a strong person and I am determined to make this work. It just has to. I will also ask my OB-GYN for resources as well. I am expecting my relationship to be estranged from my family but I am hoping that praying that eventually they will come around once they see that I can handle this all. So I am expecting and knowing that the worse is about to happen sooner or later but hoping that things will turn around and for the better. :-) As of right now though still keeping the pregnancy on the down low until my feet are on the ground just a little bit.
I will keep everyone posted. :-)

www.myspace.com/imtoogreenforyou

Thanks Kayley's mommy. I am definitely going to go for child support once the baby is born. Which is a main concern for my ex. He already knows he is gonna be paying child support and at least he is offering that much on the table as of right now. I just hope he wants to be a part of the baby's life. If not oh well, but if so, that's great. Either way I am definitely getting child support. I am a fighter and I am not letting him walk away from this entirely.

One thing I am torn by is....When the baby is born should I give the baby his last name or mine? What if he wants to be actively involved in the baby's life....That's another thing I am torn by right now. I know I am thinking of things too soon. But these next 9 months are gonna pass me by so fast.

nikiliach,

One thing I am torn by is....When the baby is born should I give the baby his last name or mine? What if he wants to be actively involved in the baby's life....That's another thing I am torn by right now. I know I am thinking of things too soon. But these next 9 months are gonna pass me by so fast.

That's a tough decision. I wanted my last name because I didn't want my son to be confused considering he is with me and I didn't know how much involvement my ex would have. In the end I ended up hyphenating it (my ex's last name then mine).

Another HUGE mistake I made was agreeing to give our son my ex's fathers middle name. There are two issues with that. One, I've never met my ex's father and never got so much as a card or a thank you after our son was born. Two, when I want to say his full name (middle name and hyphenated last name) it still hurts.

I hope that helps. I guess the moral of the story is that hyphenating and compromising kept everything fair. But on the other hand, because of my babby's daddy's lack of involvement it's left me regretting it and having to write or say his full name is a bit painful.

So keep these things in mind, and your right, you do have plenty of time to think about it. Have you been having any fun picking out a first name?

Keep me posted.

I have been having so much fun picking out names for the baby! I really want a boy and I am completely in love with the name Landon, Kadin, Killian and Parker and Brooklyn, Madeline, Addison and Callie for a girl. If I have a girl I think I might definitely name her Callie because my grandpa's name was Calvin and he and i were extremely close. He passed away in July of 05 from Alzheimer's Disease.

I think right now I am going to evaluate my ex's behavior over the next nine months and if he is actively involved i'll hyphenate the two last names and if he is a bum then the kid will get my last name but I won't give the baby only his last name.

Those are some great names! I love Brooklyn, although I really like Callie because of the connection to your grandpa. That's very sweet (and I'm sorry for your loss).

Sounds like you have some great plans, options, and insight on everything. I hope it goes well for you!

Keep us posted!

I swear my ex is in freaking denial about me being pregnant. I told him two weeks ago and he refuses to see me or what not pretty much until the day of our first doctor appointment which is july 18th. he hasn't asked to see proof like the pregnancy test or planned parenthood results. i mention little things here or there like when he asks what's up i say "i'm still pregnant or pregnant you?" and i told him today i found the cutest milwaukee brewers onesie or how my best friend bought our baby his or her first toy turtle. he stopped talking to me. he is in freaking denial i swear. i really hope he comes around. at first when i broke the news we talked about our situation a bit and now its like our situation doesn't even exist to him. MEN ARE SO FREAKING CONFUSING!!!!!!! sorry all had to rant and rave. I am perfectly fine on my own i'd just like him to own up to his part because it takes 2 to tango and i certainly didn't knock up myself!!!! lol!