Hey everyone, I'm new here. I'm having a problem with my boyfriend like all the rest of you. First off, I'm 19, 9 months and one week pregnant. I met my boyfriend one month before I found out I was pregnant. It has been really hard to be with him because we hardly know each other. But one thing I have noticed is that he leads two lives. When I met "Joe" he told me that he didn't have a phone. After a while I knew he was lying so I begged one of his old friends to give me his number. So, once I knew he had a phone he told me I couldn't call there. Later on I found out that he lives with what he calls, "his ex girlfriend". He told me that they arn't together anymore and he lives in the basement and she lives upstairs. After a while I wanted to know why I couldn't call, why she would be so pissed if they weren't together anymore. He says its because they were together for a long time and she still has feelings for him. Anyways the point is I still believe that they are together. When I told Joe I was pregant he left and I couldn't find him for 2 weeks. Then things got better. He came back and he visted me more. Then as I got into my 7th month, I got fired because I couldn't do my job anymore. He told me he would help me with my rent and whatever else I needed. He worked alot so I understood not seeing him as much. I would see him when I had doctor's appt. and that it.I had a talk with him 2 times about me needing to see him more. After the second time he came and saw me twice. Now, I'm in my 9th month. The doctors are saying my baby isn't weighing what she should and I have to go in for ultrasounds twice a week. All of sudden...Joe was gone again. I called his work and they said he was on vaction. I have one week till I am due and I can't find him anywhere!! He doesn't even know that I have to go to my ultrasounds twice a week. My rent was due a week ago, I have no food in my house, my phone and electic is going to be turned off, and he is no where to be found! Also my lease is up at the end of October. So, I will no longer have a place to live and I will have a newborn. I really have no clue why he is doing this. When I told him I was pregant the first thing out of his mouth was "don't think I'm going to leave you, my dad did that to my mom, I won't do that to you". I applied for food stamps and they say the only appt I can get is in October. I told the lady what I was going through and she didn't care. I'm on bed rest, I have no car, and no money to go to a food pantry. I'm so scared and so alone right now. I don't know what to do, I have come to the end of my rope and my baby will be here soon. Please if anyone has some advice please let me know.

Sorry, I am not going to be much help, but what about your family? Do you have any family you can stay with. Or maybe a friend who could help you for awhile?

First,

You can apply for emergency assitance. They have to give you an answer within 24 hours. Next you need to apply for WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) that will take care of your formula and some food for you.

Then you need to file for disability because you cannot be fired because you are pregnant. That money will help you for a little while.

Talk to the local community programs about helping you with your power. Work out an arrangement for the phone.


There are things you can do, but stop worrying about that boy! You should have left him alone in the beginning because he gave you all the signs. Now you are stuck. Just pull yourself up and think.

Her responce was much better than mine. I knew someone had to have the answer! When I need advise, I am coming to you, LdySnoopy

Hey I understand what your going. The response Lady Snoopy gave was a very good response. But ultimately you got to get up girl and get out. Think about you and that baby. forget him...when the time is right you'll find somebody who will spoil you. But for right now you need to do that.

I know how you feel. I know hope it feels to have the father of your child lie to your face, run out and not tell you where he is, and I know how it feels to think back on times when he assured you that he wouldn't leave. My boyfriend recently told me that he didn't love me anymore. Something like that should physically stop your heart, right? You're not alone sister. We are all here to help you. Your little one will be lucky to have a mommy like you. I know that it sounds impossible, but the best advice that I have for you is: There is something that waits for you a little while down the road. It is something only you can do or have. It is where your future will head, and it is good. Keep going, and one day the pain and lonliness will fade... you might even chuckle a little at the thought of what you know think of as heart wrenching. I know you can do it.

I know exactly what this feels like except my babys daddy hasnt been in and out throughout the pregnancy, I am 36 weeks and he left when I was 6 weeks no phone call no forwarding address nothing I called his mother to see if she knew where he was when I was 8 weeks and she told me to have an abortion, that she didnt know where he was and that he wasnt coming back. I never heard from him again and now I am very close to delivery and just stopped working because I have GD (gestational diabetes) and am on insulin so I have to go 2x a week for NSTs (non-stress tests) and 1x a week for AFIs (amniotic fluid index) plus my weekly regular appointments.
Also my baby is breech and they might be turning her in a few weeks. Otherwise I am alone and scared along with all of the rest of you I have had some more time to get used to the idea than some and I was in a self sufficient status with some financial cushion unlike some of you but the emotional process we all have to go through is the same I was already a single mother once until I lost custody of my first child 2 years ago which I am still fighting in court but I have been able to stay strong pregnant and alone and going through a custody battle at the same time. Everyone stay strong YOU CAN DO IT!! Also I wish that some of the people that posted questions would give us updates as to how they dealt with the situation and what happened when the baby was born etc It would be interesting to find out whether the advice given was used or not or if people thought of other ways to deal with their dilemmas, this also might help others viewing posts in the future that are going through the same thing to see what happened in others situations.

I have to add something too the thing that really burns me up about my babys daddy is that when he left he gave no warning he told me the last time I talked to him "I love you and I will call you later" and I never heard from him again he never really gave much of an opinion about me being pregnant the only comment that he made was that he was scared because he was adopted and was afraid that he would be a failure as a father which I constantly reassured him about I even made sure that since I was in the process of moving when he dissapeared that my cell phone number stayed the same in case he decided to call also he knows where I used to live was with a friend of mine and he knew that when I moved she would know how to reach me and on top that I am listed in directory assistance with my landline number in my opinion he has absolutely no excuse for not contacting me.

I have to say how eerie it was for me to read your message just now. I am two months pregnant and the father lives here near me but it from Baltimore orginally. He was also adopted and cited that as a reason he is scared. He says he knows he will be a "deadbeat Dad". I know these are coincidences. However, I think it shows the common thread that women tend to be the strong ones and men tend to be weak. Whatever the case, when the fear seeps in we just have to realize that we can do this. Each one of us is stronger than we could ever know. I am glad that you are out there and not giving up. You're on this forum BECAUSE you care about being the best you can be. That in itself shows that these children are already so loved. My prayers are with all of you.

Does anyone know of any assistance programs for subsidizing rent? (specifically in Southern California for me) But I also thought it might help franticmom2b as well. Thank you in advance for any help.

Housing Authority in your area should be able to assist you. There is a waiting list for this program, like the majority of them...try doing a search for HOUSING ASSISTANCE FOR LOW INCOME FAMILIES IN YOUR AREA....

Good luck to you and congrats on your arrival....

Love and peace to you...

Thank you so much... I will check it out.
I will let you all know what I find out.