I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I am not. I had a great baby shower this past weekend with all my relatives, and they really poured on the love and gifts. The BF went, as well as his mom and his daughter.

All was well until my one cousin who has picked on me all my life and always had to be the center of everything decided that she needed to prance around in front of him. He and I have had numerous discussions about how he finds it difficult to not talk to other women when I am around. Oh, I doubt that he would ever go beyond talking, but it hurts that he doesn't get it-that it hurts me and it's disrespectful. So OF COURSE he ended up in a long conversation with her, and when I told him how I felt about it, he of course acted hurt. We have discussed this so many times that i have no choice but to conclude that it's more important to him to do what he wants than to be careful of my feelings.

So tonight he pulled a vanishing act. I should have seen it coming. Pretending to care about how I was doing when he really planned to disappear and leave me alone. I've already been struggling with whether I want to even be with this person. I like him as a person but can't see the potential for more at this point in time.

So once again, I have to face being alone. I'm trying to figure out how to do this. I own a home that I could sell and I could move to a less expensive place. I know that I can get another job. But how do I do this? I won't keep the baby from her father, but I don't want to accept this way of life. I feel that I am being punished by him for speaking up for myself. I cannot accept being punished or abandoned because I speak up. I feel like this is my last chance to act. And then I was supposed to start lamaze this week. Who can go with me? I'm trying to think of a friend who could go with me.

I know I am going on and on, but I am trying to summon the strength to do this thing alone. I am about 7 months pregnant-the baby is due in mid-December.

Bnhgal

Bnhgal,

I know my baby's father treated me the same way. I would get upset b/c he would just go out of his was to flirt w/other girls and chat them up w/me right there! I would say something and then he would just take off for a weekend to the bar or where he pleased. Come home on Sunday and expect dinner and smile. Knew I was pregnate in April and still kept doing these things. I knew I wanted to have more for my baby and my son. I did not want to raise another baby on my own but if that's what had to be done then so be it. I'm 29wks and due in Dec. and i've done this pregnancy on my own and will do the birth and rasing of it on my own.

I guess it comes down to are you willing to comprimse what you really want out of a relationship and a man for the rest of your life. Trust me there are other guys out there that will treat you like gold and accept you and your child. It's hard but you can do it.

You know I hated being punished for voicing on how I felt. It was like I had to accept his ways but I had to stay home and completely change my lifestyle and give up my friends and fun. NEVER!!

I hope your life gets better good luck and keep us updated on how you're doing.

SPIRIT