Hey everyone. i'm realativly new to this site but have already been helped enourmously just by having other people to talk to going through similar situations. Anyways, im 20 yrs old , 5 months pregnant and the father wants nothing to do with us(he is 40 and said hes already raised a child and has no deisre to do it again), i recently told my parents and while my mother is being a hundred percent supportive my father is not speaking to me(hasnt said more then two words to me at a time since i told him) if he does decide to talk to me its to tell me how ive really ****** up good this time and how im just ruining my life. Did anyone else go through this with their parents? any advice as to how to get him to see that this child is just as special as any of his other grandchildren?

Well being a single parent is not the ideal situation anyone would wish for their child. It's disheartening and hard to accept. People who love us want the best for us and sometimes that means fitting into what THEY believe is right. Know that your father has the greatest intent in mind and understands the hardships you'll have to face by having to raise a child on your own.

I'd say let him come to terms with this on his own. You're an adult and you don't have to justify your actions to anyone - including your parents. Get yourself together and do everything it takes to plan things right for your child. Your dad will regain that respect for you but only if you handle this responsibly. Life's funny sometimes and we have to make best out of every situation.

As for "ruining your life", two each is his own! This may very well be the greatest oversight of your life .. a miracle in disguise. Give your dad a chance to see this for himself.

He will. Have faith.

quote:

Originally posted by calicowgirl:
[qb] Anyways, im 20 yrs old , 5 months pregnant and the father wants nothing to do with us(he is 40 and said hes already raised a child and has no deisre to do it again [/qb]

hey girl-
this is what really gets me steaming! what the heck was this guy thinking when he slept with you then? If he had "already raised a child and has no desire to do it again" he should not have spept with a woman of a very fertile age. I'm not going to get into a bithcontrol thing with you because i am 16 weeks and am alone a preg too. however, i really hope that you are real with yourself about him. don't play the fool babygirl! if you need to talk to someone in the relatively same position you can call on me. PM me or whatnot. As for your dad, he won't feel like that in a few months when he has a grandchild to hold and love and spoil. he'll get over it and love you all to pieces. good luck!
~emily

Emily- when i first found out, i was sure he would want nothing to do with this child. Truthfully it made his reaction when i told him sting less because it was expected. I really am hoping that my dad (and the rest of my family for that matter) see things as you have said and will love her to pieces like a family should

Trust me. Unless your family is incredibly unforgiving, which most families are not, that part of it will pull through. Try talking to him about it (your dad I mean.) Make it known that this is not going away. Granted, you are going to have to be strong and I understand that where you are is a really lonely place. I understand that because I am in that very lonely place. Luckily, my mom (who was the "ruin your life" one) has done nothing but help me. I mean, she is a parent and she definately lets me know that I made a BAD decision, but thats pretty much all that she says. Your family will help you and giude you through this emotionally tough time. In the meantime, you know you have friends here who can help you through the really tough stuff, as a lot of the members in here have been through something very similar. Thats the very essence of this site, and this board. If you feel really lonely and you need someone to talk to, call your local family independence agency, or social service (whatever they call it in your state) and they will hook you up with a counselor to talk to and to vent all your frustrations, cry and scream to. They are there for a reason too. Just think, in 4 short months you will be holding the most precious and amazing thing in the world. THAT is what you really need to focus on. Everything else will fall into place as long as you do that baby and yourself right.

PS) girl I doubt that 40 year old "man" raised that child. I have no doubt that he fathered it, but raising is a different story. Just an educated guess on Mr. I-Date-Women-Half-My-Age. Sorry girl (and guys reading this post) I had to say it. It's been something I've been biting my toungue on. I'm sorry. What I am going through has made me a she-woman-man-hater right now. (But only to the pathetic loser guys )

The stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and Hope for the future.
I guess I'm still in the Anger stage.
Thank you all for tuning in to my gestational rantings, stay tuned for more episodes.

Hello there,
As others have said I think your dad may just need some time. It is quite hard to have someone in your family not be supportive right away, as you could really use it. But once he has time to process the idea I bet he will be a happy grandpa!!!! It's hard to keep up a grudge once a cute grandbaby arrives

emily , i know i shouldnt be defending him considering the way hes acting now, but he raised his son on his own from the time his son was 5 (hes 17 now) and i truthfully belive he is a better man than his father is, he was more excited when he fuond out about the baby then my x... go figure

Your in a rough boat by the sounds of it, but it will work out. My mother a maternity nurse no less stopped talking to me for the first few months of my pregnancy. For her it was her worst nightmare, and she didn't want me to go through with the pregnancy. However by about the 5 month ( didn't know untill I was almost 3) she came around and realized it wasn't going away and that I'm her daughter no matter what mistakes I make. Now I have a beautiful 2 year old that is spoiled rotten by my parents! Your father will get through this. There is a lot of hurt and change in these situations.It takes adjustment to view one's little girl as a parent and when your young its even harder because parents have plans for their children. I know at 21 when I got pregnant baby wasn't in my parents plan for me. Now I'm in university, on my own and raising a beautiful little girl. I am pretty sure your father loves you or he wouldn't be upset in the first place. Give him time and maybe try and and talk to him...even small talk helps open doors. Goodluck and be strong you will get through this.

My father is startin to come around bit by bit, i found out that i'm having a little girl and started painting the room and he offerd to help(weather this was on his own or forced by my mother ill never know) but he did offer to help which im takin as a step foward towards him accepting her and accepting me as a soon to be mommy... thanks for the post meandher...hearing from someone that wnet throught it really helps...

I'm glad to hear your Dad is coming around. An offer to help is certainly a good sign! It's also a great to know you have help for such things.... the bigger the belly gets the more help you need with things around the house lol.

Thanks Jersey,
IT did make me feel better knowing that hes now willing to at least help with bay related projects. its most definitly getting harder to do them by myself. Lol i learned today that i could no longer reach all the way across my body to buckle me seatbelt(didnt know weather to laugh or cry)