I know this is a website devoted to helping parents and that relationship troubles aren't exactly relevant... but I'm tired of this. I don't know how any of you do it; how any of us are supposed to focus on raising a child when the father has completely walked away... My child's father broke up with me because of something he blamed me for, but a week later was seeing another girl... now they're happily dating one another and i'm here alone. He hasn't contacted me at all in a month now... not about the baby, not to see how I'm doing, not even to communicate insurance stuff for this pregnancy. ANd I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of going to ultrasounds alone. Of pretending that I can substitute my love for my child for my love for him. I'm so tired of being alone and abandoned. Kicked to the curb like nothing. Replaced in a heartbeat. This time is supposed to be about my child but all I can think about is how much easier it would be just to kill myself and have all this pain done with....

SadieMontane,

First let me say...easier is not the best way sometimes. Yes this is hard, but I guarantee you'll find it well worth the trouble. Just look at all the pictures of kids here with smiling faces. Listen to all of us who have been where you are....we grumble for sure but we don't regret having our children in our lives.

The pain of losing him becomes easier. You learn how to handle things day to day one step at a time.

If you truly are having feelings about killing yourself please call someone, anyone. If you like I can find you numbers of people to call in your area for counseling or believe it or not I'd give you my phone number to keep you from harming yourself and your unborn child. That is how much I believe that you are doing the right thing right now by becoming stronger and putting your baby first. If he can't be around you and wants to play instead of be for real.....believe me Karma comes back and gets these guys and gals that do that stuff. The best part is....that you'll be around to say that you got the best part of him he had to offer before he wasn't worth your time.

Please keep your chin up and remember that most of us have been in your position or are in the one you are about to face. We can listen and comfort you on those really low days. Please don't do anything that seems like the easy way out...because that moment you hear your baby cry is gonna change your life forever.

I'd just like to echo what Blindsky says. I know you're going through a lot at the moment as I've followed some of your other posts. Just wanted to add that you won't be substituting the love for him for the love of your baby. You will find a love with/for your baby that will honestly outshine anything you ever felt for him.

Sadie,
All of us have deal with incredible, seemingly insurmountable hurts in our lives.

I cant tell you that, as cliche as this sounds, that you WILL get through this. I had a saying on my signature for a long time; it said:

"Life doesnt get easier; You get tougher".

And you will. And this baby....Wow, I cant even begina to make you understand how this precious baby will change your life.

There are scores of ladies on this site that are going throug the VERY SAME THING that you are going through right this minute!

And I guarantee that MOST of them, were feeling similar feelings as yourself.

See my kids below, one of them is a miracle,....out of a truly terrible desperate situation, not really seeing how I coud deal with this child....and be a Good father. Yet now, I would change things for the world.

You CAN and WILL be Ok. I'm not guessing I KNOW IT!!

And too many people here are witnesses to so many successess of situations like yours.

So, Sadie....let us know you're there...and OK.

The post specifically the issues you would like to know how to deal with...then wait...and these GREAT PEOPLE HERE will do they're best for you.

You have no idea what kind of support you just tapped into here.

Glad you found us.

you want us to come over and kick your ex's butt or beat him till he's black and blue?? I just hate it when some guys do that. He deserves a good spanking -- using a 2x2 wooden plank with spikes on them.

I'm just joking of course. He'll get his punishment soon enough. If not in this lifetime, maybe after -- and he should be afraid of that. It's a reality that someone people are just meant to go to h e l l...

oops, sorry for that last sentence. it was a joke, LOL. Anyway, I hope it would comfort you to know that I've been in your shoes. Although I admit sometimes I have "what ifs" and "what-could-have-beens" but then I am happy as I am -- a single mom with the father completely out of the picture. At least I dont have to face custody battles as some have faced here, and I can make decisions for my baby without some jerk interfering with my parenting decisions.

Think of this way: it is waaaay better that a jerk is out of your life and your child's life than he be in it. So hang on in there, you'll forget about the father when the baby is born. And who knows, you may meet other men who can be waaaay better fathers to your child. I've seen it happen in a lot of my friends who were once single parents, but now are happily married to someone else, so it can also happen to you.

The pain you feel now is really nothing compared to the tremendous amount of joy you will feel later. Take it from us who are on this site and have gone through the same h*ll you're going through.

Congratulations on your little one by the way. Come back here and post some pictures so you can share the joy with us.

Hang in there girl, soon you will experience a love that is impossible to explain with words. When you have that baby you will be utterly amazed at how intense your love and connection to him/her is. As far as pretending that you can substitute your love for your child for your love for him...I doubt the love you felt for him will ever come close to how much you are going to love this child. Seriously, you will find yourself telling other people that the only way they can understand how much you love you have for a child is to have one of their own. I think every person here would tell you that their children are the lights of their lives and the best things to ever have happened to them. You can go ahead and start the countdown to the happiest day of your life.

I know it sucks right now, I've been there too as have many people on this site. My son's dad had the nerve to bring his new girlfriend into my hospital room when Bridger was born.

So here are some things you might consider...
You need some support, emotional and physical. If you don't have friends or family around, you need to seek that out. Lucky for you, pretty much everyone loves a pregnant lady...there's just something about carrying the future of mankind in your belly Find someone to go to your appointments with you, to go to lamaze, don't feel like you have to do this by yourself.

Places to look for friends and support..
Church - if you don't identify with a religion there are plenty of non-denominational churches out there, I go to a Unitarian Universalist church that is filled with caring and genuine people who would not hesitate to lend a hand if needed.
School - If you are going to school I would start trying to meet other single moms. You need to be able to talk with people who are facing problems similar to yours. This board is great, but you also need friends that can give you a hug (I know we give hugs on here too, but you need the other kind too)
Volunteer - If the other two options aren't appealing or feasible, find somewhere to volunteer. I know it sounds crazy when you probably have so much going on already, but there is something about volunteering that is like chicken noodle soup for the soul. Find something that interests you and start making connections, the people that you find yourself volunteering with will probably be some of the most caring and genuine people you will meet.

I hope this helps, if we weren't on opposite sides of the country I'd be at your door with takeout and a good movie! You already have a bunch of people here that care about you, don't feel alone.

I agree with what everyone else says. When you have your baby you will be amazed at how much love you feel for him/her. You will get through this. Look for support and someone to go to appointments with you.

Keep thinking positive thoughts.

SadieMontane,

You have been given some wonderful words of wisdom from some of the greatest parents around.

Substitution ... not the right word for what you will begin to feel about the baby you are carrying.

Yes, he has given you the best part of him. As much as I can't even stand the thought of my ex, I thank him everyday for the incredible child he helped me bring to life.

Friends above mentioned support systems you can tap into for help. Please take advantage of thoses systems. Meditating for a few minutes everyday while you are pregnant will help calm you and help you find a peace.

If you need to talk we are here. You are very welcome to PM me if you would like to talk one on one.

Sadie,
I believe in you.
Focus on the positives.
He is the one who has to carry the burden of knowing he has failed.

The life of a single parent may seem hard some times, but it is also so filled with joy and love. You will get though this time. The ex is who he is and that's that.

that little baby is yours and will love you and you will love it in a why the will shock you.

Paul said something about how it is impossible for us to explain how this precious baby will change your life.
I no that feeling of being alone and how harsh reality can seem.
You can get through this time. And you will laugh again.

We are praying for you.
let us know you're there...and OK.

I'm here and I'm okay... I feel stupid for getting so upset, but everyone has said something to help me with this. I thank you all for your feedback and for your concern. I will definately keep pushing through this and I will put up pictures when my baby's born so you can all see what you helped me to make. I thank you all and god bless!

Good to see you check in...thanks. And don't feel stupid, feel human Looking forward to seeing those pictures.

quote:

Originally posted by SadieMontane:
I'm here and I'm okay... I feel stupid for getting so upset, but everyone has said something to help me with this. I thank you all for your feedback and for your concern. I will definately keep pushing through this and I will put up pictures when my baby's born so you can all see what you helped me to make. I thank you all and god bless!

I perpetually felt stupid when I was pregnant. It was bad enough to be emotional and pregnant but I too was alone and he didn't seem to care (both times both guys) so it made it so much worse.

Its ok to say and feel exactly how you do. Its okay to be pregnant and not have him around. Its all okay...as long as you don't do anything to hurt you or that baby. Don't feel stupid for feeling and being hurt by his actions or lack of them. Feel normal. I didn't have anyone to tell me it was normal...I'm here to tell you it is.

quote:

Originally posted by SadieMontane:
...I will definately keep pushing through this and I will put up pictures when my baby's born so you can all see what you helped me to make. I thank you all and god bless!

Were' gonna get more baby pics!!!

Cool!!

Glad to know you are ok. Its hard going to the Dr. and seeing all of the happy couples and ther we are alone and acting like its ok. Well you know what? IT is ok because God blessed your baby with the best mommy ever!
Again, like blind sky said seek counseling..taqke it from me it does wonders adn its ok to get upset being pregnant is not a walk in the park...especially when you are doing it all alone. Hormones, bidy changes, emotional rollercoasters and whatever else comes your way. Press through you are going to be an awesome mom and you child will think you are the best thing since sliced bread. Best!

I need a womans perspective on this. I left my fiance bc of issues we were having. Its not all her fault bc I kno it takes 2 to tango. But I could not stand having a romantic relationship with her anymore. I tried working it out with her, she was bull headed and didnt want to hear a thing. She was pregnant and now its her show. What I am feeling and going through now is nothing. Now I understand she is pregnant im not trying to take this away from her. But now that we are split up im still going to college and in the military and she live about hour and half away. She now is threatining me with all these different things such as not seeing him or not being allowed to be there or see him when she gives birth. i feel like she has a vendetta against me now bc I cannot be with her any more. I mean my quality of life was so and according to her everytime we talked it upset her and wasnt good for her health. Can i get a womans perspectvie? I want to be there sooo bad for her and the child...Now im there for my son but she seems to be trying all her might to stop that! It hurts me so!